tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51328629916471757552024-03-13T15:09:24.034-04:00Princess of SarcasmThe Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.comBlogger188125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-1504156630581897072012-07-11T13:37:00.001-04:002012-07-11T13:37:32.418-04:00Bacon Maple Donuts Made by a Real Mom...not Martha Stewart.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most people have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest. I mean we LOVE the great ideas and the thoughts of actually doing some of the projects we find. But we HATE when we spend the time and money and it just doesn't turn out the same. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or even close.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pinterest and Martha Stewart just aren't a doable reality for the majority of us. (Which is probably a large part of the reason Martha is so stinking rich and we are not.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I used to try to make my blog pictures look all artsy and fancy. I took photos with my fancy pants DSLR camera. I made sure my kitchen appeared clean and tidy. But really, who has a clean kitchen while they are cooking?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time, I used my cell phone to take pics and left everything as normal. Why? BECAUSE I'M A REAL MOM!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So if you're here looking for one of those June Cleaver meets the Queen of England proper posts, I suggest you move along.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But if you're here to find out how to make super easy, super yummy MAPLE GLAZED BACON DONUTS <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*cue angels singing*</span> you are in the right place!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gather these ingredients:</span><br />
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 package of bacon</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 1/4 cups powdered sugar</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 teaspoon vanilla</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/4 cup maple syrup</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 can refrigerated buttermilk buscuits</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">vegetable oil</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First, fry your bacon up nice and crisp.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wait. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who still fries bacon?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">NOT THIS GIRL! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanks to my friend "Mrs. Bulldog" I no longer deal with that messy bacon grease splattering everywhere. I just bake it in the oven!</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RctNvF1FKNs/T_2sPCQQrJI/AAAAAAAABsg/_1pq5HDFz6c/s1600/2012-07-11_10-03-48_635.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RctNvF1FKNs/T_2sPCQQrJI/AAAAAAAABsg/_1pq5HDFz6c/s640/2012-07-11_10-03-48_635.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I baked it at 400º for about 25 minutes or so. (I used thick cut bacon.) It came out like this.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ly3Aeh7uLNk/T_2sbZCudfI/AAAAAAAABss/OpEUtrQZP3E/s1600/2012-07-11_10-27-26_860.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ly3Aeh7uLNk/T_2sbZCudfI/AAAAAAAABss/OpEUtrQZP3E/s640/2012-07-11_10-27-26_860.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SO EASY AND NOT MESSY!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just chop it up and set it aside.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Next, whisk together:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 1/4 cup of powdered sugar</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/4 cup maple syrup</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 teaspoon vanilla</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Set aside.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take buttermilk refrigerated biscuits and separate them. Cut holes in the middle. I dumped out a bottle of expired medicine and used it for the hole puncher. (Don't worry. I washed it out first.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XoY3JKDhyb8/T_2uEhSXCAI/AAAAAAAABs0/nsVt_mVjCdM/s1600/2012-07-11_10-26-13_14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XoY3JKDhyb8/T_2uEhSXCAI/AAAAAAAABs0/nsVt_mVjCdM/s640/2012-07-11_10-26-13_14.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wah lah! Perfect little holes. (Is that how you spell "wah lah?" My spell check is not being helpful.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Heat oil to 350º. Drop biscuits in and fry until golden brown and then flip and brown the other side.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dZiqlqsemrQ/T_2ukDmMs4I/AAAAAAAABs8/c01JVFYgHJs/s1600/2012-07-11_10-29-34_393.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dZiqlqsemrQ/T_2ukDmMs4I/AAAAAAAABs8/c01JVFYgHJs/s640/2012-07-11_10-29-34_393.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or you can do what I did and fry them until they are dark golden brown because you didn't realize they would cook so fast.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N_RMDj94xhE/T_2u1hBEMXI/AAAAAAAABtE/j6sQZiJI6B0/s1600/2012-07-11_10-33-08_81.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N_RMDj94xhE/T_2u1hBEMXI/AAAAAAAABtE/j6sQZiJI6B0/s640/2012-07-11_10-33-08_81.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(The other side is darker....so naturally, that's the side I chose to glaze. Shhhhhh! No one will ever know!)</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spread glaze on one side of the donut and sprinkle with bacon pieces.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Serve on fancy china.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4xhrpKhY05o/T_2vlQPxjxI/AAAAAAAABtM/W4WfFoiH68A/s1600/2012-07-11_10-41-54_711.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4xhrpKhY05o/T_2vlQPxjxI/AAAAAAAABtM/W4WfFoiH68A/s640/2012-07-11_10-41-54_711.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cKXyLhxgucA/T_2vunq5faI/AAAAAAAABtU/eGjJuu6pDUY/s1600/2012-07-11_10-42-07_509.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You may need a ShamWow® to absorb all the wet kisses you get when you making these for your kids.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gA9kgp_uXTQ/T_20fdnI7BI/AAAAAAAABts/N9VX40n3OR0/s1600/shamwow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gA9kgp_uXTQ/T_20fdnI7BI/AAAAAAAABts/N9VX40n3OR0/s400/shamwow.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lastly, be sure to sneak one (or three) off to the side for yourself!</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FtohazmEOH8/T_2wL9gqUvI/AAAAAAAABtg/VRb_XeyqirA/s1600/2012-07-11_10-54-43_426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FtohazmEOH8/T_2wL9gqUvI/AAAAAAAABtg/VRb_XeyqirA/s640/2012-07-11_10-54-43_426.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
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Special thanks to my friend Kathy who gave me this recipe. She actually is one of those super duper moms that makes the rest of us look bad...but she's so sweet we love her anyway. It doesn't hurt that she shares her yummy food. :)The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-47705840405954305372012-05-03T13:47:00.001-04:002012-05-03T13:47:51.845-04:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If running late was an olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PcOm87Bz084/T6K-2Pard-I/AAAAAAAABr0/GGkylKjWjfE/s1600/Runner_-_Cartoon_5girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PcOm87Bz084/T6K-2Pard-I/AAAAAAAABr0/GGkylKjWjfE/s1600/Runner_-_Cartoon_5girl.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My mom would be my trainer.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My children would be my proteges.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My shoe sponsor would be Zappos.com...mainly because figuring out which pair I should wear to today is a large part of my success in running late.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When I retired, I could go around the world doing speaking engagements. </span>(Word of advice to the organizers. Give me a call time 15 minutes before my actual call time.)<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3NtBMXmOWqE/T6LABiKtvFI/AAAAAAAABr8/Lw2BZd-q0i4/s1600/clock1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3NtBMXmOWqE/T6LABiKtvFI/AAAAAAAABr8/Lw2BZd-q0i4/s320/clock1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">There are negatives to being a champion though....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Happy Hour becomes Happy 45 Minutes</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Leisurely drives become NASCAR events.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e-Qo58kM0MM/T6LBifq8zfI/AAAAAAAABsE/RfWjYjSLb2A/s1600/nascar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e-Qo58kM0MM/T6LBifq8zfI/AAAAAAAABsE/RfWjYjSLb2A/s320/nascar.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Welcoming smiles become annoyed glares.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YpLk6WILt0M/T6LCRazj6sI/AAAAAAAABsM/UJn0VErFLkU/s1600/the+office+receptionist+pam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YpLk6WILt0M/T6LCRazj6sI/AAAAAAAABsM/UJn0VErFLkU/s1600/the+office+receptionist+pam.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But let's be serious....I get 15 more minutes of beauty rest everyday. Otherwise, I'd look like this by now...</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NDANh7MkQJk/T6LD6c1bW3I/AAAAAAAABsU/JpYzwsuKyps/s1600/old-lady-tiara.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NDANh7MkQJk/T6LD6c1bW3I/AAAAAAAABsU/JpYzwsuKyps/s320/old-lady-tiara.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Wouldn't you rather wait on me?</span><br />
<br />The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-58131613972000014472012-05-01T10:25:00.000-04:002012-05-01T10:25:48.343-04:00Who Wears Short Shorts?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hooray! Today is May 1st! According to my mom, we can now wear shorts. </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5fSkME9JWAc/T5_uN96yZiI/AAAAAAAABrU/N5sfn7kPCZo/s1600/epic-short-shorts-fail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5fSkME9JWAc/T5_uN96yZiI/AAAAAAAABrU/N5sfn7kPCZo/s320/epic-short-shorts-fail.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jD8ZneHLqhQ/T5_uUw25RSI/AAAAAAAABrc/pC6QU8LyAjI/s1600/Long+Shorts,+Short+Shorts+-+Which+Do+You+Prefer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jD8ZneHLqhQ/T5_uUw25RSI/AAAAAAAABrc/pC6QU8LyAjI/s320/Long+Shorts,+Short+Shorts+-+Which+Do+You+Prefer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Enjoy May boys and girls. Before you know it June 1 will be here and we can all jump in the pool finally. And you know what that means, right?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-reKRCI8jTik/T5_xUZjtB-I/AAAAAAAABro/LZj7j4tkvbw/s1600/big-belly-blue-shorts-400x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-reKRCI8jTik/T5_xUZjtB-I/AAAAAAAABro/LZj7j4tkvbw/s320/big-belly-blue-shorts-400x400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Are you beach body ready yet? </span><br />
<br />The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-51507772235486739232012-04-30T10:42:00.001-04:002012-04-30T10:48:49.869-04:00Don't call it a comeback...it's a grand re-entrance.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">What kind of idiot tries to make a blogging comeback on a Friday?!? The day that nooooobody reads blogs...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Brains aren't really a requirement when you're a princess.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Anyabsence...many have been asking where I've been and what I've been up to.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I've been traveling the <strike>tri-city</strike> world, <strike>bumping into celebrities and making them feel awkward while my prince takes a picture</strike> having dinner with dignitaries, <strike>eating</strike> exercising, <strike>goofing off on Facebook</strike> writing my memoir. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tXHO8HLuWEM/T56RF-NxYbI/AAAAAAAABrI/kh-CxlpJSVg/s1600/414523_10150656228657087_505292086_9470903_535403994_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tXHO8HLuWEM/T56RF-NxYbI/AAAAAAAABrI/kh-CxlpJSVg/s320/414523_10150656228657087_505292086_9470903_535403994_o.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">No celebrity was harmed <strike>much</strike> in this photo. And for you young kids who don't recognize him, ask your parents about Bill Murray. He was <strike>not</strike> THRILLED <strike>but tolerated us</strike> to take this photo.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I know all <strike>three</strike> of you are excited about my major comeback. Feel free to <strike>tell your readers</strike> alert the press. I'm sure they'll want to put me on the list with all the other notable comebackers like Michael Jordan, Brett Farve, LL Cool J, Steven Tyler, Betty White, Jesus Christ....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Right?</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-79436363356287124022012-04-27T10:24:00.000-04:002012-04-27T11:04:12.944-04:00Hello...hello...hellooooooooo...is anybody in here?I totally almost wrote a blog post the other day. But then I quickly dismissed it. I mean, after all this time, are any of my peeps still here? Is there anyone left to read this?<br />
<br />
*silent pause*<br />
<br />
*microphone screeches feedback*<br />
<br />
*audience covers their ears*<br />
<br />
(and by "audience" I clearly mean "dust bunnies")<br />
<br />
And of course now I'm trying to picture how a dust bunny would be able to cover their ears. I'm assuming dust bunnies would have big, long ears like regular bunnies. Do dust bunnies have arms and hands? How will they cover up those gianormous ears? I'm not real sure about their anatomical features since I am a princess and spend very little time with dust bunnies. I have people for that you know.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iolrmncdv30/T5qr2ind4ZI/AAAAAAAABq8/-k4SosdmMgI/s1600/DustBunny2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iolrmncdv30/T5qr2ind4ZI/AAAAAAAABq8/-k4SosdmMgI/s1600/DustBunny2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Perhaps I should just stop right here since I am probably just talking to myself <strike>again</strike> at this point.<br />
<br />
If you're here, I welcome your comment.<br />
<br />
Even if it's an ugly comment.<br />
<br />
I'm that <strike>desperate</strike> curious.<br />
<br />
*wails, sobs, then silently cries herself to sleep*<br />
<br />
^^End Scene^^<br />
<br />
*Squints with one eye to see if anyone bought the act*<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
<br />
But seriously...leave a comment.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-12752497149139744582011-03-18T16:09:00.001-04:002011-03-18T17:00:08.304-04:00Bucket Lists and IdiotsA few days ago:<br />
<br />
Me: Should I try to get us a field for baseball practice on Saturday afternoon since our last two got rained out?<br />
<br />
Prince: We can't do it Saturday afternoon. I'm pulling a jet.<br />
<br />
Me: Huh?<br />
<br />
Prince: I'm pulling a jet.<br />
<br />
Me: *puzzled look on my face*<br />
<br />
Prince: I'm going to be part of a team that pulls a Southwest jet on their inaugural flight into *town we live near* Each county has put together a team and I was asked to be on our county's team.<br />
<br />
Me: You're stupid. You are not actually doing that.<br />
<br />
Prince: Yes, I am.<br />
<br />
Me: No, you're not.<br />
<br />
Prince: Why do you think I went and got the cortisone shot and the fluid drained off my knee <s>that already needs surgery</s>?<br />
<br />
Me: That's EXACTLY why you shouldn't PULL A JET!!!<br />
<br />
Prince: But how many chances do you have to do something like this? I'll get to check something off my bucket list.<br />
<br />
Me: You had no idea this was even a bucket list option!<br />
<br />
Prince: I'm doing it.<br />
<br />
Me: You're stupid.<br />
<br />
Heir to the throne: Mommy, you're not supposed to call people stupid.<br />
<br />
Me: You can if it's true, son.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-sKt4HWnNeNo/TXzTzsZsLXI/AAAAAAAABjA/pxeRdMOPTL8/s1600/IMG_0794.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-sKt4HWnNeNo/TXzTzsZsLXI/AAAAAAAABjA/pxeRdMOPTL8/s320/IMG_0794.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">First Southwest flight to land *here*</div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-EhGXuppEgQc/TXzUO4SLRVI/AAAAAAAABjE/8EX4BDCNfnQ/s1600/IMG_0799.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-EhGXuppEgQc/TXzUO4SLRVI/AAAAAAAABjE/8EX4BDCNfnQ/s320/IMG_0799.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Here comes the 83,000 lb plane!</div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-J8OCZsrPXqs/TXzWmzvhUoI/AAAAAAAABkQ/Neblt2QEd30/s1600/IMG_0818.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-J8OCZsrPXqs/TXzWmzvhUoI/AAAAAAAABkQ/Neblt2QEd30/s320/IMG_0818.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">The "A" Team...otherwise known as the Band of Idiots...getting set to pull the 737.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-znYrTGj6EZ8/TXzYCKrtr8I/AAAAAAAABk4/A4c1npxN_98/s1600/IMG_0828.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-znYrTGj6EZ8/TXzYCKrtr8I/AAAAAAAABk4/A4c1npxN_98/s320/IMG_0828.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">They won the first round! On to the second...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-r_CTMtXtJlk/TXzYuiNJGlI/AAAAAAAABlM/HO87v1k9uI0/s1600/IMG_0833.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-r_CTMtXtJlk/TXzYuiNJGlI/AAAAAAAABlM/HO87v1k9uI0/s320/IMG_0833.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A local 1-AA College Offensive and Defensive Line getting ready to pull.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Against NCAA regulations? (Kidding....it wasn't!)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-t3QXMS68vt0/TXzZAZSVZwI/AAAAAAAABlU/11r5Lc7_0_w/s1600/IMG_0835.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-t3QXMS68vt0/TXzZAZSVZwI/AAAAAAAABlU/11r5Lc7_0_w/s320/IMG_0835.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Pull #2 for the "A" Team</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-0hoqSVvolIc/TXzdQvXrUWI/AAAAAAAABnM/9VDp9_OBukc/s1600/IMG_0865.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-0hoqSVvolIc/TXzdQvXrUWI/AAAAAAAABnM/9VDp9_OBukc/s320/IMG_0865.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">That's the Prince in the front with the black hat.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-aauWpe0mXDQ/TXzeQj2rKuI/AAAAAAAABno/bX-VzPK8f9w/s1600/IMG_0872.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-aauWpe0mXDQ/TXzeQj2rKuI/AAAAAAAABno/bX-VzPK8f9w/s320/IMG_0872.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-dfny-f75usw/TXzeYTRsRtI/AAAAAAAABns/YwYJ_01GSf0/s1600/IMG_0873.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-dfny-f75usw/TXzeYTRsRtI/AAAAAAAABns/YwYJ_01GSf0/s320/IMG_0873.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-wh_3HnGUCds/TXzegOWfY4I/AAAAAAAABnw/xrpInGGYdzA/s1600/IMG_0874.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-wh_3HnGUCds/TXzegOWfY4I/AAAAAAAABnw/xrpInGGYdzA/s320/IMG_0874.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Even with my baby as the anchor, they just couldn't beat the young guns.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-shuseXisDG0/TXzgWbjuDkI/AAAAAAAABos/YQSWOEIYO-M/s1600/IMG_0889.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-shuseXisDG0/TXzgWbjuDkI/AAAAAAAABos/YQSWOEIYO-M/s320/IMG_0889.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But a second place trophy isn't too shabby for a bunch of geezers!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And for your viewing pleasure.......</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4l98tveXJtA" title="YouTube video player" width="640"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And yes, they almost ran into the crowd and through the fence. I guess once they got the locomotive started, it was just too hard to stop it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So here we have it....marked off the bucket list. Now I have to go call our insurance company and see if "Stupidity" is a covered diagnosis.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-45362523029610349042011-02-07T20:07:00.001-05:002011-02-07T20:07:39.354-05:00Convo with the Prince<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's another short but sweet one:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: I heard a quote today that I really liked and think it would be good for you to use in your game day speeches with the kids.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prince: What? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*Pretends to humor me while flipping through channels wishing I would go back to playing Angry Birds*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: "Winning isn't everything, but TRYING to win is."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*looks at the prince smiling while waiting for his response while he continues to flip channels*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prince: Winning isn't everything, but second place sucks. You can quote me.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: *rolls eyes*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gotta love him....</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TVCUSLGq_DI/AAAAAAAABi8/wqTMT3xJy90/s1600/39584_457909267086_505292086_5767020_2430453_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TVCUSLGq_DI/AAAAAAAABi8/wqTMT3xJy90/s320/39584_457909267086_505292086_5767020_2430453_n.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Prince's 2010 First Place Baseball Team</span></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-48011091968732070782011-01-21T09:58:00.000-05:002011-01-21T09:58:05.801-05:00Random Ramblings<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Dear Chocolate Chip Pizza from Pizza Inn,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">You are of the devil.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I can't quit you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Signed,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Jello Butt</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmcdp8wJRI/AAAAAAAABig/XMsr6F3P524/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmcdp8wJRI/AAAAAAAABig/XMsr6F3P524/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">(Disclaimer: I obviously snagged that pic from google images. The give away is that the plate only has two slices.)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">****************************************</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You know those little cans of extremely concentrated room sprays?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Husbands should not be allowed to operate them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">*cough cough* *gag* *wheeze*</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmc632jFfI/AAAAAAAABik/9SuWBGQqUuU/s1600/spray.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmc632jFfI/AAAAAAAABik/9SuWBGQqUuU/s1600/spray.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">True Fact </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(According to Princess)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">: 47 degrees and sunny starts to feel like 70 degrees when you've had so many bitter cold days in a row.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmdreyL_BI/AAAAAAAABis/YcBa3Gln4jc/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmdreyL_BI/AAAAAAAABis/YcBa3Gln4jc/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The Princess of Sarcasm is now accepting offers to review vacation spots in Key West, Costa Rico, Turks and Caicos, or any other place where the winter attire includes flip flops...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmdB7x3K7I/AAAAAAAABio/EqqHRjNiGMM/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TTmdB7x3K7I/AAAAAAAABio/EqqHRjNiGMM/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-44299233884858178412011-01-12T09:36:00.001-05:002011-01-12T09:36:54.355-05:00Don't mess with me....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This is the most ferocious animal on the face of the earth. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And he lives at my house....</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I would suggest you not try to break in....or sniff his wee wee. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You will certainly experience the wrath. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He is 6.5 lbs. of pure dynamite...</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TS27vstutpI/AAAAAAAABic/otNAomZS7tI/s1600/IMG_8036b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TS27vstutpI/AAAAAAAABic/otNAomZS7tI/s640/IMG_8036b.jpg" width="512" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I'm looking for the best caption for this photo. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Ready...set....GO!!!!</span></span></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-43633619316418743912010-12-16T16:18:00.003-05:002010-12-16T16:25:01.996-05:00Really Rad Reindeer Cookies<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> mom. You know the one....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chief calls me a one upper. But honestly, I don't try to be. </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm just naturally that awesome.</span></s><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My youngest son had his Christmas party at school today. I love to <s>show off</s> cook. I especially love to make treats for the boys class parties.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's what I made for today.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TQp6ma2nuAI/AAAAAAAABiQ/gdavLqIeIxY/s1600/IMG_6785.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TQp6ma2nuAI/AAAAAAAABiQ/gdavLqIeIxY/s320/IMG_6785.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now granted, I took the easier way out and used a gingerbread cookie mix. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*insert Martha Stewart rolling over in her million dollar kitchen* </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm so super busy </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">running around in circles getting nothing accomplished</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> that I had to cut corners a bit. But they turned out delish and they were a hit with the kiddos!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take the prepared gingerbread cookie dough (feel free to try these with sugar cookies if you prefer) and roll them into 1" balls. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Place them on an ungreased cookie sheet. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Flatten them into a circle using the bottom of a glass. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pinch the sides to make the face shape. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Place broken pretzels in the top for antlers. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bake cookies according to directions. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Immediately upon taking them out of the oven, place two chocolate chips for the eyes and one red m&m for the nose. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the m&m's pop out after the cookies cool, use a tiny bit of icing to "glue" the nose back on. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I dropped a couple of the cookies and used the icing to </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">preform surgery</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> reattach broken antlers as well. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So if you are looking to </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">outdo the other moms</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> be the "Belle of the Ball" with the 4 to12 year old set, give these cookies a try. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TQqBmzVAJ6I/AAAAAAAABiU/gKxIofWPXbg/s1600/IMG_6793.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TQqBmzVAJ6I/AAAAAAAABiU/gKxIofWPXbg/s320/IMG_6793.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want to see other cookie recipes, head on over to Think Tank Momma's Share a Spoon.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img alt="Think Tank Momma" border="0" src="http://i636.photobucket.com/albums/uu81/Adrienzgirl/Share%20a%20Spoon%20Warm%20the%20Heart/ShareaSpoon5.jpg" /></span></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-84195595447099209702010-12-02T20:59:00.000-05:002010-12-02T20:59:46.773-05:00Why I am going to marry my Droid and have it's babies....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got a new phone. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's uses the android operating system.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am in complete and utter love.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am going to marry it and have it's babies.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been holding out FOREVER waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon. I am a big Mac fan. I am also a big fan of good reception where ever I go...so I have been scouring the interwebz for info about when the iPhone is coming. I've fallen for every single one of the rumors....and learned how to deal with the bitter disappointments. While waiting for EONS, I've become curious about the whole android thing. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So the other day when the prince was getting a new phone, I asked the sales rep when they were getting the iPhone. My phone is a friggin' lemon and has not been sending out outgoing mail for several months now. It also freezes up nonstop. But I didn't want to use my upgrade to get the Droid X when I knew this time </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> that Verizon is actually getting the iPhone! Long story less long, I walked out with a brand new free, low level, no frills phone that uses android OS. I can wait until later to use my upgrade when I see the iPhone <s>in January</s> at an undisclosed date not told to me by said salesrep <s>my new bff</s> and decide between it and the Droid X. What are my thoughts about the el cheapo, low man on the totem pole android phone?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I AM IN LOVE!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sure, the camera is pathetic and it doesn't even have a flash. (I can just keep a flashlight in my pocket.) And the keyboard is so tiny that it took me 10 minutes to type a simple sentence. But that was until I discovered Swype. After you get used to it, it is AWESOME! And you iPhone </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">losers</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> users like <a href="http://www.jennbsays.com/">JennFab</a> can't get it. I am also enjoying apps like Angry Birds and Ping!Chat...which basically lets you text/chat and send pics/videos with anyone else who has the app. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But one of my mostest favoritest function is the VOICE TO TEXT feature. It is fantastic...for two reasons. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One, Oprah won't see me texting and driving and get all "but you signed a contract" with me. I can simply talk into the mic and it translates my voice to text. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second reason? I will show you by posting a transcript of my convo with <a href="http://www.hidingfromthekids.com/">Chief</a>. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(She suggests you take a bathroom break before reading below. Go ahead. I'll wait.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bladder empty? Good. Proceed.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Actual texting convo:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: I'm trying something out maybe it'll work better for texting</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: With the new droid?</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: omg omg I just talked and texted you</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: What the eff? Yer such a showoff</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: So, even with your southern twang it works?</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Say y'all...</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: lol yes it under stance my southern twang</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: Well kind of lol</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Omg...I just peed</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: Going to have fun with this</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: That right there is blog fodder</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: fosho baby fo sho</span></span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Say kiss my grits</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: I am got bush alright</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: BS...did you just say that outloud?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: this morning that was nice to say it got folks ok right</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: wtf</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: Okay so it's not perfect</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: I am got bush?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Omg...I think you've had a stroke.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: It was supposed to say "oh my gosh it even got fo sho right!" LOL...sooooo doing a blog post!! </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: I'm going in ToysRUs now</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Have fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pause for about an hour</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: omg I almost lost my religion in toys r us</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: lmfao...I shop online...what are you doing in store dumba**?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: Don't wanna pay shipping</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: playlist friggin cashier</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: lowest</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: low west</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Omg!!! Hahahahahaha</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Slowest?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: yeah fff (Trying to say yesssssssss)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: ya honey laughing to the could tell I was in a rush and she was hurtful</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: What the????</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: the guy behind me but laughing</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: he could tell I was in a rush</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: lady walks like a turtle</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: Omg...I hope you get this convo on blogger</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: I'm in tears laughing</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Chief: I'm going cross eyed</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: I can't wait to hear that with everyone</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: there</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: share</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Me: Took 3 tries probably my accent</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The story I was trying to tell Chief was that I had the slowest cashier. And then I was in a rush to </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">beat the kids home from the bus</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">win my mother of the year award</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> get home and the lady walking in front of me was walking like a turtle through the exit. The guy behind me was laughing because he could tell I was in a rush and she was so annoyingly slooooow footed. But with the hilarity of the text translating errors softened my bah humbug heart and made me laugh all the way home. All 80 mph of it...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-43485221662094423482010-11-24T17:41:00.001-05:002010-11-24T17:42:04.509-05:00Thanksgiving from HellThanksgiving....it's my Prince's most favorite day of the year. For those of you who haven't seen his picture before.....he's a big 'ol boy. To have a day devoted to eating a home cooked feast followed by napping in front of the big screen TV with his beloved Cowboys...well, let's just say there is nothing that makes his heart happier.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2QzxC60HI/AAAAAAAABiA/HV6P8ujRn2Q/s1600/NFl-Week-12-spread-Packers-Lions-Raiders-Cowboys-Thanksgiving-football.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2QzxC60HI/AAAAAAAABiA/HV6P8ujRn2Q/s200/NFl-Week-12-spread-Packers-Lions-Raiders-Cowboys-Thanksgiving-football.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
I've said for years that he married me for my mom's cooking. She was friends with Paula Deen in high school. Their recipes are eerily the same. It must be a south Georgia thing. Everything at our family Thanksgiving meal is made from scratch. I swear alarms would go off and armed guards would intercept us if we tried to get through my mom's front door with Stove Top stuffing.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2Rg1M_V5I/AAAAAAAABiE/O0eruFRXChg/s1600/abortion_police2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2Rg1M_V5I/AAAAAAAABiE/O0eruFRXChg/s320/abortion_police2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
A couple of years ago, disaster happened...<br />
<br />
The Prince had a tooth that had been giving him trouble. He went to the dentist and was told that he needed a root canal immediately. Of course, being <s>an idiot</s> a man, he told the dentist he didn't have time to do it then. He had an important appointment out of town for work, so it would have to wait a few days. He left to go out of town and was supposed to be gone a couple of days. Less than 24 hours later, he called me and told me he was driving back in town and heading straight for the dentist chair. It must have been super bad, because my prince has an amazing tolerance for pain. Either that or he's a masochist.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2SHsaCrbI/AAAAAAAABiI/NgfBv1CBhkQ/s1600/2680_tooth_ache_conceptjpg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2SHsaCrbI/AAAAAAAABiI/NgfBv1CBhkQ/s200/2680_tooth_ache_conceptjpg.png" width="185" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Everything was fine after the root canal. And by "fine" I mean his mouth was stuffed full of cotton and he was as looney as a dodo bird from the good drugs....until he woke up on Thanksgiving morning.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">*insert giant frowny face here*</div><br />
While the rest of us packed up the suburban with our casserole dishes<s> and a change of pants with extra stretchy waistbands for after dinner</s>, the prince was driving his own truck to meet our dentist at his office. God bless my sweet dentist who has kept my teeth happy since I was in the 2nd grade. Now I know why he's still my dentist. He spent several hours working on my hard headed (yet extremely lovable) prince's mouth. When he finally arrived at my mom's house, he headed straight for the kitchen....to get a glass of water so he could take a pain pill. Poor baby did not get to eat one single morsel of food all day long.....on his most favorite holiday of the year. It was a real Greek tragedy.<br />
<br />
So as you get ready to <s>stuff your faces with sweet potato casserole</s> spend the holiday with your loved ones....remember those who are less fortunate....those who have to smell the wonderful aromas of their mother-in-law's cooking, but cannot eat a bite.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Happy Turkey Day to all you big turkeys!!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2S0GYqvdI/AAAAAAAABiM/OWd-kt0K4og/s1600/turkey.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TO2S0GYqvdI/AAAAAAAABiM/OWd-kt0K4og/s320/turkey.gif" width="320" /></a></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-5660182301934524222010-11-17T08:24:00.000-05:002010-11-17T08:24:38.170-05:00Another shortie but sweetie...well, maybe not so sweet...Interesting fact:<br />
<br />
Running late to school significantly decreases the amount of traffic. (win)<br />
<br />
It also makes you want to ram your suburban through the back end of the car that pulls out in front of you illegally. (lose)<br />
<br />
As well as the moron who doesn't understand the concept of who's turn it really is at a four way stop. (lose...and it's overwhelmingly surprising how many people don't get it.)<br />
<br />
It also makes you run the risk of showing up after the bell.....which would mean you have to walk your kids in to school and sign them in....perhaps in your pajamas. (lose...in an epic manner...humiliation for your kids)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TOPWEVDcGzI/AAAAAAAABh4/2DM2S9a-m28/s1600/crazy_woman2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TOPWEVDcGzI/AAAAAAAABh4/2DM2S9a-m28/s320/crazy_woman2.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">via Google Images</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So if you see me out and about today...make sure I've had a couple (or 12) diet cokes. I got off on the wrong foot this morning. Consider yourself warned...</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-1589659246575530682010-09-20T10:19:00.000-04:002010-09-20T10:19:00.695-04:00Short and sweet....or sarcastic.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just got my new phone book...which I will give to my neighbor's kid to take to the recycling club at school...where all of my other phone books go.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJPBiMjfTpI/AAAAAAAABho/TnVtCTqAvRQ/s1600/phone_books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJPBiMjfTpI/AAAAAAAABho/TnVtCTqAvRQ/s320/phone_books.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really don't know why we get them anymore. I haven't used one since they took all the phone booths away. I'm a whitepages.com kinda girl. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is there a way to opt out of getting them? It seems a shame to recycle them when it wasn't even necessary to lose the tree in the first place. (Some tree hugger is sobbing somewhere right now.)</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJPBrMXOlYI/AAAAAAAABhw/4tY3o8b6yIA/s1600/cool-treehugger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJPBrMXOlYI/AAAAAAAABhw/4tY3o8b6yIA/s320/cool-treehugger.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm pretty sure the only people who use phone books are those same people who still write checks at the grocery store. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*waving to you, Mom!*</span></span></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-45110430333070433242010-09-15T11:25:00.003-04:002010-09-15T15:27:32.385-04:00Changing seasons and body images....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Guess what time of year it is?!!!!! </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><s>End of Summer</s></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><s><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></s></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><s>Fall</s></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><s><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></s></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><s>Football Season</s></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><s><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></s></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><s>School Time</s></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><s><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></s></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Diet time. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*balloons deflate*</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Let's just say....Princess has been having a little too much fun this summer. For some reason I cannot go on vacation without <s>eating my way through the town</s> putting on a few pounds. It took me quite some time to realize my <s>fattness</s> weight gain. Wearing comfortable, flowy skirts all summer will do nothing to remind you of your increasing buttocks. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My boys had their first baseball practice the other night and I threw on a pair of capris before we left because the temperatures had plunged to like <s>freezing</s> 85 degrees at night. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(All you yankees can shut it. If you don't know that I am a sun bunny and not a snow bunny by now, you must be a newbie.) </span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Anyfatty, back to my story.... Those capri pants fit like a glove....<s>alleged</s> OJ's glove. They were T-I-G-H-T. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(And not the slang "tight" that means something good. The old meaning of tight that means....well....tight.)</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">After my revelation, I tried to put my fat hiney under the pillow. But alas, the Skinny Fairy did not show up. At first, I thought maybe she forgot....like the tooth fairy does on occasion. *ahem* So I did it again. Still...a no show.</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">At this point, I'm forced to lose the weight the old fashion way....<s>starving</s> diet and exercise. I'm on day three and I <s>miss butter</s> am working through the hunger. I've managed to lose 3 lbs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(I know, I know...it's water weight. Don't rain on my parade!)</span> </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I need some accountability. Since apparently I cannot trust my skirts....</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I am going to post a before pic and then when I lose the weight I will post an after pic. </span></div></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDfS9-dLRI/AAAAAAAABhQ/Px6YzluBQNc/s1600/ephelump-butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDfS9-dLRI/AAAAAAAABhQ/Px6YzluBQNc/s320/ephelump-butt.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before</span></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDZfhJB3SI/AAAAAAAABhA/wtgNG2q1KAM/s1600/bigbooty2b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDZfhJB3SI/AAAAAAAABhA/wtgNG2q1KAM/s320/bigbooty2b.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok...real before</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDU9Hjt7wI/AAAAAAAABg4/ycBDtfYqVn8/s1600/bigbooty2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDU9Hjt7wI/AAAAAAAABg4/ycBDtfYqVn8/s320/bigbooty2.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After day 2.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Shut up. There is NOT any photoshopping deception involved here. I have no idea what you are talking about. My diet is really working. I am going to publish it and be a GAZILLIONAIRE. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Don't worry. I will take you all on a fabulous vacation...after we all lose our weight. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And we will look like this....</span></div></span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDiUMFue7I/AAAAAAAABhY/PgcAh8dNzhg/s1600/246443the-golden-girls-posters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDiUMFue7I/AAAAAAAABhY/PgcAh8dNzhg/s320/246443the-golden-girls-posters.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Wait...I mean like this....</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDid-ONIII/AAAAAAAABhg/YQy5lCoL70U/s1600/cancun-girls-line-up.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TJDid-ONIII/AAAAAAAABhg/YQy5lCoL70U/s320/cancun-girls-line-up.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Who's with me?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-89358748390899501532010-09-10T11:27:00.000-04:002010-09-10T11:27:11.020-04:00New Jersey NutsNew Jersey has to be the most entertaining state on the map right now. Between Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, etc. I'm betting all the residents of NJ would prefer to have The Sopranos to come back. You know, the classy New Jersey show. To all my New Jersey peeps...don't worry...we know it's not an accurate depiction of New Jersey life. But it's someone else's turn to be the butt of jokes. The South is passing on that role to you. You. Are. Welcome.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TIpJ3pB5KdI/AAAAAAAABgA/nDQKty52fLs/s1600/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-reunion2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TIpJ3pB5KdI/AAAAAAAABgA/nDQKty52fLs/s320/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-reunion2.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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I am thoroughly devastated that RHONJ is over. It was a cinematic masterpiece....of train wreck TV. What made it so <s>trashy</s> delicious? Danielle. I'm sure she will win all kinds of <s>porn awards</s> emmys this year for best <s>skanky hoochie</s> villian.<br />
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As a <s>stay at home mom</s> psychotherapist, it is a diagnostic dream to watch her. I am sure Danielle is used in psychology program case studies all over the world when students are learning to diagnose <s>pure crazy </s>serious mental illnesses. In fact, I'm sure they will have to come up with a new one that will encompass all the crazy into one simple line. It would be something like General Wackadoodle, Complete Crackhead, Needs a Check Up from the Neck Up, Full On Fruitcake with a secondary diagnosis of Broke Hooker.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TIpJ-iXcM6I/AAAAAAAABgI/u11VAg15JrY/s1600/DanielleStaub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TIpJ-iXcM6I/AAAAAAAABgI/u11VAg15JrY/s320/DanielleStaub.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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It amazed me how her reality was COMPLETELY different from EVERYONE ELSE'S. I wondered if she was even there in the room when everything was happening. Perhaps she was a hologram or some kind of Disney Pixar magic instead. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with. Danielle was the master of turning a simple comment about absolutely nothing into a specific death threat or intent to cause bodily harm.<br />
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Did you see the women she accused of threatening her? They look like the kind of women who might be able to take you down at a cupcake decorating class or a queso eating contest. The only thing Danielle needs to worry about or to keep an eye on is her Tostitos. I'm pretty sure her children are safe <s>unless they are holding cupcakes</s>.<br />
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The thing that really killed me was the reunion show. Danielle sat there playing the part of the victim of all their abuse, when IN REALITY she started the whole thing. After months of her telling lies about the other women and slandering them every chance she got, she acted all innocent when they <s>angrily</s> confronted her about it. She denied everything...even though it is all on film <s>and sex tapes</s>.<br />
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She claimed that everyone just misunderstood her <s>blatant threats and vicious insults</s> remarks. She pushed the women to the point where it was impossible for them to contain their rage. People can only take so much before they snap. I'm a generally calm and docile princess....yet I had the overwhelming urge to jump through the TV screen and yank her other hair extensions off her craze balls head myself. (Might have been the HD signal that made me feel like it was a viable possibility.)<br />
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And Kim G. *insert shaking head* Lawd have mercy. She tried to pretend to be the the Switzerland of the show, but in reality she was the <s>snooty, holier than thou, spineless, I'm friendly with you only if you can do something for me, two faced)</s> France.<br />
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I have no clue how Danielle managed to get <s>a handful of sheep</s> so many people to believe her and feel sorry for her. Poor <s>liar</s> victim, Danielle. They must have missed some of the episodes....you know the ones where Danielle opened her mouth.<br />
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When Danielle apologized to Jaqueline and Teresa....complete with a full on, lingering <s>molestation</s> hug with Jaqueline...did anyone else roll their eyes and think, "I've heard this lie before!"<br />
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I mean seriously, do you know anyone in your life like Danielle who is this out of touch with reality? Yeah, me too. *Insert nervous laughter. Makes eye contact with readers who relate. Updates life insurance policy.*The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-70446967198679457032010-09-01T10:00:00.000-04:002010-09-01T10:00:33.365-04:00Puppy love for Julie and Jaden....Our pup <s>Brutus</s> Chico has become the official Sarcasm family spokesdog. Why? Because when he is around, no one is paying attention to anything but his sweet little self. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><--totally understandable</span><br />
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Chico wants you to all to pray for Jaden's mom, Julie. If you don't know who Jaden and Julie are <s>you must be living in the remote hills of Kapackaraqstan</s> <a href="http://supahmommy.blogspot.com/2009/08/help-my-friend-please-help.html">click here</a>.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TH5VHI5QRZI/AAAAAAAABfw/0qHqgNfjpPM/s1600/chicojulie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="436" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TH5VHI5QRZI/AAAAAAAABfw/0qHqgNfjpPM/s640/chicojulie.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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As if watching your baby go through treatment for cancer was not bad enough......what would you do if your own cancer returned?<br />
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Me? Personally? I would crumble like a pillar of salt.<br />
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I cannot imagine the immense pain and emotional suffering this family has been through already. It's just not fair. Too much....enough already I say!! <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><--cancer does not listen to me, but I keep yelling.</span><br />
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Pray for Julie and go show her some love at <a href="http://supahmommy.blogspot.com/2010/09/amplify-this.html">Supah's place</a>. Jaden needs his mommy. He needs her to be healthy and happy. They deserve for life to be relatively uneventful. I think they've been through enough already....The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-28041699774393966892010-08-31T09:06:00.000-04:002010-08-31T09:06:52.088-04:00World Premier....The Sarcasm Family has an announcement to make....<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THvgLtM3XHI/AAAAAAAABfo/_22uJvcrI4w/s1600/chicoannouncement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="435" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THvgLtM3XHI/AAAAAAAABfo/_22uJvcrI4w/s640/chicoannouncement.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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Is he not the cutest thing EVER?!<br />
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No?<br />
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You need more proof?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: monospace, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Lh6C6qMLRzU?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Lh6C6qMLRzU?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now try to tell me he's not the cutest puppy ever....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Chico is quite the popular fellow. It's too bad my boys aren't in to girls yet, cuz this little miniature bear is a chick magnet. The dudes dig him too. My poor prince couldn't take a nap on Sunday afternoon for the steady stream of kids coming in to see our little studling. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The prince is already trying to turn him into a hunting dog. But I think it might be a problem since his legs are barely long enough to run through the grass. I'm guessing tromping through the woods might be an issue. Not to mention, he's easily spooked.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The prince gave him the name "Chico." I felt like I had to give him a strong middle name.....so he wouldn't get beat up on the playground.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Chico has already found himself a cougar. It's a bit of a long distance relationship. But thanks to Skype, he can see his girl Maggie whenever <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">Chief gets her Mac out of her bag</span> he wants.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm sure my new little bundle of fur will provide me with blog fodder. So stay tuned to the adventures in potty training.....and lunch dates with my favorite shoes....</div><br />
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</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-88573145566753628422010-08-27T09:46:00.002-04:002010-08-28T08:00:33.641-04:00Fatty McFattersonHey ya'll....I'm back from beautiful Charleston, SC...better known as the fried green tomato, shrimp and grits, okra, and peach cobbler tour. And after my puffy taco, enchilada, and Big Red tour of Texas earlier this month....I AM OFFICIALLY ON A DIET!!<br />
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So if you are one of my locals and you see me with anything other than a carrot in my mouth...slap it out of my hand and stomp on it. (But do it real good, I have this five second rule....especially if it's chocolate...and I do NOT have any shame.) It will be jeans season anytime now and I am skurred to put them on. All these free flowing summer dresses are ruining me. Traitors.<br />
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I'm sure you are all coming back to my blog today to look for an update about <a href="http://www.princessofsarcasm.com/2010/08/dog-days.html">this post</a>. Well, today I am going to see a man about a dog......or better yet....a lady about a puppy. Stay tuned for the conclusion.<br />
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Here's my big dilemma....how will I know if this dog is an idiot? I have a hard time getting past the cutesy, tail waggin', puppy kissing, floppy earred adorableness whenever I see a pup. Last time I fell for that crap it was a disaster! No, I'm not talking about Auggie the 20 year old most awesomest wonder dog ever who passed on a couple of years ago. I'm talking about the stray beagle my friend made me come see when I was in grad school.<br />
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Oh, how cute he was. (DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!) He had the floppiest of ears...the sweetest of faces...the snuggliest of noses...the fatest little beagle belly ever! (I looked past the infestation of fleas and a gazillion ticks.) We introduced him to Auggie and after a few minutes of butt sniffing, they were fast friends. Soul brothers.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THfBC7Cpk0I/AAAAAAAABfY/eKE01Wyb-bk/s1600/40099313uezkwk_ph.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THfBC7Cpk0I/AAAAAAAABfY/eKE01Wyb-bk/s320/40099313uezkwk_ph.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">These pics are not of Doc. But they may be his twin brothers. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Photos via Google Images</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THfBHZ6iAwI/AAAAAAAABfg/30jQ3a_ivhs/s1600/Cliff%27s+Beagle4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THfBHZ6iAwI/AAAAAAAABfg/30jQ3a_ivhs/s320/Cliff%27s+Beagle4.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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It was a blissful life at first (after a thorough bath)....well, except that Doc would steal Auggies food. (See fat dog reference earlier...he had a tyroid problem we later found out....a daily pill helped.) And the fact that Doc would dig out of the backyard despite a physical fence AND an underground fence. (He would yelp the entire time he dug.) There was no keeping this dog in the yard. It was like trying to make a 20 year old hooker into a nun.<br />
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There were countless vet bills from his escapades into the dog eat dog (literally) world. There was this one time when we were on vacation and my SIL was dog sitting at our house. He ran away for a few days and came back with a severed urethra. Auggie (the follower) came back with maggots in his wound. (Gag, puke, choke.) We sat in the doggie ER hoping Doggie Social Services would come take him from us. But alas, they found us to be diligent doggie parents. *le sigh*<br />
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As much as Doc was a bad mama jamma around the hood....he was also a little scaredy cat. That dog could not stand to be outside in the rain. And if there was the tiniest clap of thunder, you can rest assured he would be at the back door clawing his way in. (Nearly dug a whole in it.)<br />
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One day the prince and I were out shopping for baby stuff. A horrible storm came up with terrible thunder and lightening. I just knew Doc was outside in the hurricane waiting (impatiently) for me to let him in. By the time we got home, it was a steady rain but the thunder and lightening had passed. I was surprised not to see his little rain soaked <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">fat</span> body at the door looking up at me with his pitiful little <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">fat</span> face. I figured he had finally given up and gone to lay in the deluxe dog house like our good dog, Auggie.<br />
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A short while later, the sun came out. We opened the door and called the dogs. Auggie stepped out of his house with a little stretch and a yawn and slowly walked into the house. Doc was no where to be found. I started to get annoyed as I was calling for him. All I could think was, "That dang dog is off stirring up trouble again!"<br />
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But then I heard him. A little whimper. From where? I couldn't find him anywhere in the yard. And then I realized the sound was coming from up above. OH NO! My sweet little <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">annoying</span> dog didn't make it through the storm and now he is an angel! (God was being generous.)<br />
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I looked up and there he was...................<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">on our roof.</span> (I'll give you a few seconds to process that.)<br />
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Yep. On the roof! The prince had left a ladder leaning against the house. When Doc finally realized no one was going to let him in the house, he did the next most logical thing one would do in a monsoon....he climbed onto the roof!!! But then his fat butt couldn't get back down! So he spent the entire storm on the top of the house.....with no shelter from the storm. That dog was the smartest idiot I've ever known.<br />
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Please dear Lord, give me a sign if this puppy is even a smidgen related to Doc. I beg of you.....The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-70017883968826184742010-08-24T10:00:00.001-04:002010-08-24T10:00:06.947-04:00Princess Goes to Chucktown<div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Ha ha Suckas! Guess where I'm headed? I'm headed to Chucktown with the prince tonight. (That would be Charleston for you non locals. Try to keep up.)</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Nana and Papa <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">God bless them</span> are coming to do the kid/school duty. All I have to do is finish packing and I'm outta here! </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">*insert happy dance*</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">AND...I have a new bag to pack from <a href="http://www.simply-bags.com/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Simply Bags</span></a>. (Click on the link and browse around for a moment. I'll be right here waiting for you................ Fabulous, right? I know!!)</div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When <a href="http://www.simply-bags.com/">Simply Bags</a> contacted me to see if I would be interested in doing a product review in exchange for a bag, I said, "Heck yeah!"....or something like that. I mean, who can't use a bag?! I am always needing something to pack up stuff to go to the lake, the beach, the pool, the ball fields, tailgating, overnight trips to fabulous places, school, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">*take a deep breath*</span> etc. They asked what color and if I would like it personalized. Duh...pink and Princess of course!</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It came in the mail just in time for me to pack it for the lake this weekend. I was surprised how big it was. I fit a change of clothes and shoes for 4 people in it with plenty of extra room left. It has a side pocket for small items and the top zips closed. The rope handle is soft and did not dig into my shoulder like a lot of other bags do. I truly love this bag after one use!</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THMxH0a8dKI/AAAAAAAABfE/3-Ab2rDCY_c/s1600/IMG_0828.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/THMxH0a8dKI/AAAAAAAABfE/3-Ab2rDCY_c/s320/IMG_0828.JPG" /></a></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So now I've got it all packed up for my trip to Charleston. Since it's my new favorite bag, I have all of my favorite </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;">essential</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> items packed in it...my </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;">lovah</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> Macbook, my squishy pillow, my super soft snuggly blanket, my ultra comfortable J. Crew flip flops, and of course....my boa and tiara. </span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you see someone walking around Charleston with a </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;">boa and tiara</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> pink striped bag with Princess on the side, be sure to say "Hi!"</span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Go see all the awesome products <a href="http://www.simply-bags.com/">Simply Bags</a> has to offer. There are some great gifts for young adults going off to college, teacher gifts, girlfriend gifts, kids gifts, gifts for yourself, princess gifts.....really any kind of gift. Like I said, who can't use an awesome bag?! <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><--I will be happy to receive another bag if you want to buy me one. No really.....feel free. ;)</span></span></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-3845044022073633192010-08-23T12:02:00.000-04:002010-08-23T12:02:00.514-04:00Dog Days.....My boys want a dog.<br />
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We had the most awesome dog in the world up until a couple of years ago. We had to put down our sweet dog Auggie two weeks before Christmas. It was heart wrenching. He was 20 years old. He was my absolute life before we had kids.<br />
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After Auggie passed, many people asked if we would get another dog. At the time there was no way I could fathom opening my heart to another animal. So we put it off. My kids, on the other hand, did not spend 20 years with him and form the same kind of attachment. They started asking for another dog soon after.<br />
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The other night we went to a BBQ joint with some friends. It's was a quaint little restaurant behind an old farmhouse on several acres of land. There were two old labs <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">frolicking</span> lying lifeless in the grass when we pulled up. The boys played with them a few seconds before we <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">doused them in hand sanitizer</span> walked in. After we finished eating, the adults sat and talked while the kids went outside to run around.<br />
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I sat and watched my boys running around with those sweet old dogs. (They miraculously came to life when my boys doused in BBQ cologne walked outside.) It was the sweetest thing ever. Boys and dogs. It doesn't get a whole lot more Norman Rockwell than that.<br />
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After watching them I feel like I need to put my grief aside and attempt to open up my heart....for my boys sake. I'm sure Auggie would not want them to go through life without that experience of loving a dog as they grow up. So I started looking online for adoptable dogs. Auggie was a rescue mutt and made me a big fan of shelter dogs.<br />
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After looking through hundreds of pictures of dogs, I realized I have some specific requests...<br />
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<ul><li>I need a dog smaller than 100 lbs. I have two growing boys who are destined to be large teenagers. (Their daddy played offensive tackle in college.) I don't need a dog who will eat more than them.</li>
<li>I want a dog that does not shed. (Self explanatory.)</li>
<li>I would prefer a dog who does not bark all night long. (I like being a good neighbor.)</li>
<li>Speaking of being a good neighbor, I would like one who does not root around in my neighbors garbage cans on trash day. </li>
<li>Do they make self cleaning dogs?</li>
</ul><div>OH NO!!! I think what I really want is a CAT! Did I mention I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">hate</span> don't prefer cats? </div><div><br />
</div><div>They don't fetch. They decide when they do or don't want to be loved on. Their litter boxes stink to high heavens. They are moody and vindictive. I've never been a fan of cats...except for our cat Miss Kitty when I was a little girl. But I think she was trans-specied. She felt like a dog on the inside. Poor thing. We probably should have sent her to therapy instead of making her eat cat food and play with cat toys. </div><div><br />
</div><div>What should I do? I am open to suggestions. My boys are waiting....</div><div><br />
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</div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-40368052760564164182010-08-20T12:12:00.002-04:002010-08-20T20:51:02.989-04:00Fat Girl to the Rescue<div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've often wondered why most of my friends are super fit. I mean, what are they doing hanging out with a </span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lazy</span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> chubby girl like me? My initial thought was because it:</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"></div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reminded them why they need to continue to exercise.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Made them feel better about themselves.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am their project and they sit around at Zumba class and plan how they are going to "change" me.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They need someone at their birthday party that will eat up the left over cake so that there is none left to tempt them.</span></li>
</ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TG6o4koC0sI/AAAAAAAABeo/p8UI7kY2vTI/s1600/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TG6o4koC0sI/AAAAAAAABeo/p8UI7kY2vTI/s200/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Girls</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sorry the pic is so small. I'm having technical difficulties...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><br />
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<div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have so many good friends who run daily because they <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">are nuts</span> like it. They run in 5Ks and Mud Runs. They do yoga. They ride their bikes for hours upon miles. They work out with big steroidy dudes named Bo Bo. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Kidding...I have no idea if Bo Bo does steroids. It's just the image I have made up in my mind. I've never seen him....you know, since I don't go to the gym.)</span> They invite me to water aerobics. Uhhh, no thanks ladies. That incorporates two things I hate....exercise AND swim suits!</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today, I realized the real reason I have been befriended by all my fitness queen chicks. I got a call from one of my besties, Serena. </span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Serena:</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> "Hey! I need you real quick. Do you have 15 minutes?"</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me:</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> "Of course I do. What's up?" <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Thinking she needs to talk a minute and she wants to pick my brain since I </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">am an expert in child and adolescent psychology</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> was a therapist in a former life <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">before children</span>...and she has a daughter in middle school.)</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Serena:</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> "My bike has a flat tire. I need you to come get me and take me home."</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">*feeling guilty that she's exercising while I can't even find the motivation to get in the shower yet*</span> "I'll be right there!"</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Obviously I am the only one they can call for such a service. Everyone else is out doing <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">*insert fitness activity here*</span>.</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I'm their emergency plan. Which is not all bad. </span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 23.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. I'm needed.</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">B. I'm valued.</span></span></div><div style="font: 18.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">C. I get to be their superhero.</span></span></div></span>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-52345275726021149582010-08-18T15:57:00.000-04:002010-08-18T15:57:08.713-04:00Day Two: I'm not gonna make it...Today is day 2 of school. But since we parked and walked our boys to their classes on the first day it was day 1 of carpool line <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">otherwise known as pure hell</span>!<br />
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Our school is going through some growing pains which means <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">pain in the buttocks</span> CONSTRUCTION! Ugh. The first phase is the loss of one of our two drop off lanes. In the end, it will make our drop off/pick up process safer by getting the car line off the main street and into the parking lot while waiting. But for now it is a cluster...ummm...let's just leave it at cluster.<br />
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This morning it took me 20 minutes to get my <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">hellions</span> angels to school. This may not sound like a long time to you, but I live really close to their school. So close that if we have our walkie talkies on the same channel, we can hear them calling students to the car line while sitting in our house. (You have no idea how much restraint it takes for the Prince not to get on the radio and mess with Mrs. Bulldog.)<br />
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As annoying as it was for the parents and kids at drop off this morning, it was twice as miserable for my friend Mrs. Bulldog. Girlfriend looked like she was one of those dudes directing airplanes to the gate....except she had cuter shoes.<br />
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I might take her a pair of headphones, a safety vest and some glow sticks tomorrow. Though she might appreciate <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">vodka</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">valium</span> a hug more....The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-68925026834234722082010-08-16T15:19:00.000-04:002010-08-16T15:19:27.428-04:00Summer Lovin....<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the words of Danny and Sandy....</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLDnukg7I/AAAAAAAABdw/xWhHv20SVFE/s1600/danny+and+sandy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLDnukg7I/AAAAAAAABdw/xWhHv20SVFE/s320/danny+and+sandy.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Summer lovin', had me a blast.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Summer lovin' happened so fast"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Truer words were never spoken...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*big dramatic sigh*</span></span></b></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLK9trQSI/AAAAAAAABd4/32IzX1H9qts/s1600/SummerSun.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLK9trQSI/AAAAAAAABd4/32IzX1H9qts/s320/SummerSun.gif" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Goodbye my darling, Summer.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Kids start school tomorrow.)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parting is such </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sweet</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> bitter sorrow....</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Shakespeare was apparently drunk when he wrote "</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SWEET</span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> sorrow")</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I shall miss you lazy summer mornings of sleeping in....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gone are the days of the sun reflecting off the cool waters of the beach, pool, lake....and glistening drinks. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Yes, I am including the reflection off my silver diet coke cans.)</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmNHcmLa5I/AAAAAAAABeI/UaySQzgQZ1o/s1600/diet_coke_by_eurasianrose86.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmNHcmLa5I/AAAAAAAABeI/UaySQzgQZ1o/s320/diet_coke_by_eurasianrose86.jpg" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No more late nights playing outside with the boys...catching fire flies and pop flies...playing kickball at dusk.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No more hopping in the truck, traveling with the boys to a new place.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hello alarm clocks and rushing around in the morning.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here we come school traffic and homework.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then right around the corner comes fall sports....with the hustle and bustle of practices and games.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hurry up, get a bath, get in bed....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then we do it all over again the next day....until summer comes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Liva la Summer! Save me a seat for June...preferably one pool, lake, or ocean side...</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLxYJA0sI/AAAAAAAABeA/zEsGWX4bJ8w/s1600/226517962_41edeebd87.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGmLxYJA0sI/AAAAAAAABeA/zEsGWX4bJ8w/s320/226517962_41edeebd87.jpg" /></a></div>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132862991647175755.post-60378354015263147212010-08-12T13:02:00.000-04:002010-08-12T13:02:42.111-04:00Back to School and Big Brother...because those topics obviously go hand in hand.You guys either do not have a life (totally not judging here) or you are true fans (hoping for this one.) I have made two pitiful "comebacks" this summer only to neglect my blog both times. I had to gather my page view stats for someone and was SHOCKED to see how many people mosey on over even when I am not posting anything. But never fear my fans....er, I mean friends....my kids start back to school next week and I will surely find the time and the annoyances to blog about.<br />
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You. Are. Welcome.<br />
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But for the time being...I have something I need to express real quick.<br />
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Is anyone else utterly and completely annoyed by this couple?!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGQmUimOGLI/AAAAAAAABdo/4p9CHIqedMI/s1600/Brendan+Rachel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6wLJUmRB9Lw/TGQmUimOGLI/AAAAAAAABdo/4p9CHIqedMI/s320/Brendan+Rachel.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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Rachel may be the single most annoying Big Brother contestant ever. And possibly the most annoying person on reality TV ever. She has played Brendan like a fool using her <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">boobs</span> emotional manipulation to turn him into an idiot. I'm sure his mom is sooooo happy about his relationship with Rachel. It's really hard to believe these two are actual scientists. The fact that they are annoying me more than the Jersey boy who calls himself "Meow Meow" says a lot....<br />
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I wish I could be in the room watching Brendan when the show is over and he sees all the things Rachel is saying about him behind his back. Or with Rachel, Brittney, and Monet when they are all talking smack about each other. This season definitely deserves the catty girls award. The only good thing about this season was seeing Jeff and Jordan host the POV contest.<br />
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Maybe it's ME that needs to get a life..... <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><--no comments from the peanut gallery please!</span>The Princess of Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02574980588740035485noreply@blogger.com18