Bacon Maple Donuts Made by a Real Mom...not Martha Stewart.

Most people have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest. I mean we LOVE the great ideas and the thoughts of actually doing some of the projects we find. But we HATE when we spend the time and money and it just doesn't turn out the same. 


Or even close.


Pinterest and Martha Stewart just aren't a doable reality for the majority of us. (Which is probably a large part of the reason Martha is so stinking rich and we are not.)


I used to try to make my blog pictures look all artsy and fancy. I took photos with my fancy pants DSLR camera. I made sure my kitchen appeared clean and tidy. But really, who has a clean kitchen while they are cooking?


This time, I used my cell phone to take pics and left everything as normal. Why? BECAUSE I'M A REAL MOM!!


So if you're here looking for one of those June Cleaver meets the Queen of England proper posts, I suggest you move along.


But if you're here to find out how to make super easy, super yummy MAPLE GLAZED BACON DONUTS *cue angels singing* you are in the right place!


Gather these ingredients:

1 package of bacon

1 1/4 cups powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup maple syrup

1 can refrigerated buttermilk buscuits

vegetable oil

First, fry your bacon up nice and crisp.


Wait. 


Who still fries bacon?


NOT THIS GIRL! 


Thanks to my friend "Mrs. Bulldog" I no longer deal with that messy bacon grease splattering everywhere. I just bake it in the oven!

I baked it at 400º for about 25 minutes or so. (I used thick cut bacon.) It came out like this.

SO EASY AND NOT MESSY!


Just chop it up and set it aside.


Next, whisk together:


1 1/4 cup of powdered sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla


Set aside.


Take buttermilk refrigerated biscuits and separate them. Cut holes in the middle. I dumped out a bottle of expired medicine and used it for the hole puncher. (Don't worry. I washed it out first.)

Wah lah! Perfect little holes. (Is that how you spell "wah lah?" My spell check is not being helpful.)


Heat oil to 350º. Drop biscuits in and fry until golden brown and then flip and brown the other side.

Or you can do what I did and fry them until they are dark golden brown because you didn't realize they would cook so fast.

(The other side is darker....so naturally, that's the side I chose to glaze. Shhhhhh! No one will ever know!)

Spread glaze on one side of the donut and sprinkle with bacon pieces.


Serve on fancy china.

You may need a ShamWow® to absorb all the wet kisses you get when you making these for your kids.

Lastly, be sure to sneak one (or three) off to the side for yourself!

Special thanks to my friend Kathy who gave me this recipe. She actually is one of those super duper moms that makes the rest of us look bad...but she's so sweet we love her anyway. It doesn't hurt that she shares her yummy food. :)

If running late was an olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist.

My mom would be my trainer.


My children would be my proteges.


My shoe sponsor would be Zappos.com...mainly because figuring out which pair I should wear to today is a large part of my success in running late.


When I retired, I could go around the world doing speaking engagements. (Word of advice to the organizers. Give me a call time 15 minutes before my actual call time.)

There are negatives to being a champion though....


Happy Hour becomes Happy 45 Minutes


Leisurely drives become NASCAR events.

Welcoming smiles become annoyed glares.

But let's be serious....I get 15 more minutes of beauty rest everyday. Otherwise, I'd look like this by now...

Wouldn't you rather wait on me?

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Hooray! Today is May 1st! According to my mom, we can now wear shorts. 

Enjoy May boys and girls. Before you know it June 1 will be here and we can all jump in the pool finally. And you know what that means, right?


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Are you beach body ready yet? 

Don't call it a comeback...it's a grand re-entrance.

What kind of idiot tries to make a blogging comeback on a Friday?!? The day that nooooobody reads blogs...


Brains aren't really a requirement when you're a princess.


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Anyabsence...many have been asking where I've been and what I've been up to.


I've been traveling the tri-city world, bumping into celebrities and making them feel awkward while my prince takes a picture having dinner with dignitaries, eating exercising, goofing off on Facebook writing my memoir. 

No celebrity was harmed much in this photo. And for you young kids who don't recognize him, ask your parents about Bill Murray. He was not THRILLED but tolerated us to take this photo.


I know all three of you are excited about my major comeback. Feel free to tell your readers alert the press. I'm sure they'll want to put me on the list with all the other notable comebackers like Michael Jordan, Brett Farve, LL Cool J, Steven Tyler, Betty White, Jesus Christ....


Right?

Hello...hello...hellooooooooo...is anybody in here?

I totally almost wrote a blog post the other day. But then I quickly dismissed it. I mean, after all this time, are any of my peeps still here? Is there anyone left to read this?

*silent pause*

*microphone screeches feedback*

*audience covers their ears*

(and by "audience" I clearly mean "dust bunnies")

And of course now I'm trying to picture how a dust bunny would be able to cover their ears. I'm assuming dust bunnies would have big, long ears like regular bunnies. Do dust bunnies have arms and hands? How will they cover up those gianormous ears? I'm not real sure about their anatomical features since I am a princess and spend very little time with dust bunnies. I have people for that you know.

Perhaps I should just stop right here since I am probably just talking to myself again at this point.

If you're here, I welcome your comment.

Even if it's an ugly comment.

I'm that desperate curious.

*wails, sobs, then silently cries herself to sleep*

^^End Scene^^

*Squints with one eye to see if anyone bought the act*
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But seriously...leave a comment.

Bucket Lists and Idiots

A few days ago:

Me: Should I try to get us a field for baseball practice on Saturday afternoon since our last two got rained out?

Prince: We can't do it Saturday afternoon. I'm pulling a jet.

Me: Huh?

Prince: I'm pulling a jet.

Me: *puzzled look on my face*

Prince: I'm going to be part of a team that pulls a Southwest jet on their inaugural flight into *town we live near* Each county has put together a team and I was asked to be on our county's team.

Me: You're stupid. You are not actually doing that.

Prince: Yes, I am.

Me: No, you're not.

Prince: Why do you think I went and got the cortisone shot and the fluid drained off my knee that already needs surgery?

Me: That's EXACTLY why you shouldn't PULL A JET!!!

Prince: But how many chances do you have to do something like this? I'll get to check something off my bucket list.

Me: You had no idea this was even a bucket list option!

Prince: I'm doing it.

Me: You're stupid.

Heir to the throne: Mommy, you're not supposed to call people stupid.

Me: You can if it's true, son.

First Southwest flight to land *here*

Here comes the 83,000 lb plane!

The "A" Team...otherwise known as the Band of Idiots...getting set to pull the 737.

They won the first round! On to the second...

A local 1-AA College Offensive and Defensive Line getting ready to pull.

Against NCAA regulations? (Kidding....it wasn't!)

Pull #2 for the "A" Team

That's the Prince in the front with the black hat.

Even with my baby as the anchor, they just couldn't beat the young guns.

But a second place trophy isn't too shabby for a bunch of geezers!

And for your viewing pleasure.......

And yes, they almost ran into the crowd and through the fence. I guess once they got the locomotive started, it was just too hard to stop it.

So here we have it....marked off the bucket list. Now I have to go call our insurance company and see if "Stupidity" is a covered diagnosis.

Convo with the Prince

Here's another short but sweet one:


Me: I heard a quote today that I really liked and think it would be good for you to use in your game day speeches with the kids.


Prince: What? 


*Pretends to humor me while flipping through channels wishing I would go back to playing Angry Birds*


Me: "Winning isn't everything, but TRYING to win is."


*looks at the prince smiling while waiting for his response while he continues to flip channels*


Prince: Winning isn't everything, but second place sucks. You can quote me.


Me: *rolls eyes*


Gotta love him....

The Prince's 2010 First Place Baseball Team