Princess Goes Postal...but forgets her gun

This is day 3 of my return to blogging. Aren’t you all giddy? Today I am hooking up with the meme What I Meant to Say or WIMTS for short. 





My momma taught me to be polite and say nice things with a smile. I very rarely churn the waters when someone annoys me. So this meme is PERFECT for me. Let me set the stage...

I love to shop. No matter what age, shape, size I have been in my life I have always enjoyed the “ching ching” of the cash register.

It all began with the toy store and the candy store and eventually graduated to malls and boutiques. The only exception to this rule is my adult abhoration (is that a word?) for the grocery store and World of Wally. And really, the only thing I TRULY hate about “the mart” has more to do with the other idiot patrons and the traffic.

And now, boys and girls, someone is trying to ruin my love of shopping at the mall. There are terrorists at the mall. I’m not trying to profile anyone, but they are typically foreigners. And before you get all “Princess hates foreigners!” let me tell you that is NOT true.

I adore the following (but not limited to) foreigners:

Hugh Jackman

David Beckham

Ghandi

Prince William

Gerard Butler

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nelson Mandela

Madonna (Shut. Up. Really?)

Manu Ginobili

Carlos Santana

Colin Firth

Dolce and Gabana

Dolce de Luche (What? Oh. My bad.)

Anyway, you get the point.

So picture this. Princess. At the beach. The Prince and the boys drop her off at the mall and go golfing. Only nine holes. Short period of time. Read: Power shopping.

I am FLYING through the racks of summer sales and shoe departments. I make it through the first department store and head out into the open waters looking for more crack sales.

“Excuse me Miss! Can I have one minute?” says one of the aforementioned foreign terrorists.

I turn as I scurry past and say “I’m so sorry. I’m in a hurry.” WHICH IS TOTALLY THE TRUTH by the way...not that it should matter.

Foreigner holding flat iron in the air, “It will only take one second.” <--Liar. I’m not stupid.

Princess: “No thanks.”

Two steps and BAM!

Foreigner #2: “HEEEEYYYYYY!!!! Remember me?”

Princess: Blank look as I walk away saying, “No thanks” in a firm(ish) tone.

WIMTS: Nooooooo I don’t. And don’t try that stupid flirting stuff. I might be an old lady and you might think you are some young stud, but....

You are not.

You are too short.

You are too young.

Your wallet is too thin.

Your game is weak.

You couldn’t handle it

The Prince would kick your ever lovin’.........

And I do not want your clothes steamer. I can spritz my shirt and throw it in the dryer for 60 seconds just as easy.

Two more steps...

Foreigner #3: “Excuse me. You dropped something.”

Gullible Princess turns and looks. Sees nothing. Clearly confused.

Idiot Foreigner: “It was your smile.”

Princess: Rolls eyes and keeps walking.

Risky Foreigner: “And apparently you dropped your manners too.”

*Princess with steam coming out of her ears* (but says nothing...typical wussy Princess)

WIMTS:  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Every doggone time I go to the mall I am accosted by people trying to peddle their flat iron / Greek hand lotion / nail buffer / clothes steamer / salt scrub / other unwanted retail items. Do you see the people at Ann Taylor stopping me as I walk by asking if I had a minute to look at their trouser socks? You try to stop me ALL. THE. TIME. With kids, without kids, walking fast, walking slow, smiling, scowling, looking away, pretending to text someone....it really doesn’t matter. 

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IS RUDE YOUNG MAN........YOU! When I tell you that I don’t have time. I MEAN IT! <--Apparently they don’t have the “No means No campaign overseas.”

And THAT my friends is why I now enjoy online shopping!

Post It Notes: Edition #22 - Stalking and Anniversary Edition

Stay tuned for stalking updates.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

Ok ya'll.....guess what. I'm back. 

Go ahead. I'll wait a moment or two for you to email, facebook, and tweet all your friends and let them know that Princess is in the house.

*filing nails*

*straightening book stack*

*rinsing breakfast dishes and putting them in dishwasher*

*checking computer....nope, not back yet*

*making bed*

*going through mail* <---I have two round trip plane tickets to anywhere in the US waiting for me! I'm SURE it's not a scam! Where should I go?

*checks computer for fun destinations*

.

.

.

.

.

Oh, so sorry! I got distracted. Here you are waiting on me and I was goofing off looking for travel plans.  Not that I need to be going anywhere anytime soon. I mean, this is my first official day off vacation. 

We came back early so the Prince could bush hog cut our field lawn and we could unpack and get stettled before the work week started. Getting back in to the swing of things is so hard. Fortunately, we were able to get the boys off their schedule.....of waking up at the crack of dawn.....while we were at the beach, so things should run a little more smoothly this week than most. 

It may surprise you to learn that Princess is NOT a morning person. At all. The Prince is, however, and it annoys the fool out of me. Luckily, he is generally pretty quite as he showers and dresses and slips out the door to work on summer mornings. Except for this morning..........when he forgot to turn off the house alarm before he opened the door. 

*insert being awakened by a panic attack*

So now, my first day off official vacation begins with a splitting headache. Lovely. But at least I'm not the Prince who has to go to actual WORK. That must be ROUGH. Bless him.

But anydoodle, I just wanted to let you guys know I am back. I know this is not much of a post, but it's a start. I'm going to get back into the swing of things. (I'll try not to set off any alarms.) 

Perhaps I'll do a few of my favorite meme's this week and one that I've never done, but it's right up my alley so I think I must. I'm going to do a book review on a book I read on vacay that I luuuuuurrrved. The author is fan freaking tastic and I have officially begun to cyberstalk her. (I sent her a letter yesterday detailing my intent to stalk. I may need some letters of reference from you guys when if  she gets skittish.)

Well, I'll let you get back to telling everyone that I'm here. See you all tomorrow!

Big Girl Panties and Party Girls

Today is JennFab's birthday! 

*insert party horns and streamers* 

I said streamers...not strippers. <--that was for the wayward dudes who stumble upon this blog post from odd google searches...and Ian...and Ed.

Our theme for JennFab's birthday is "Put your big girl panties on and celebrate Jenn's birthday!" My original intent was to get a really big pair of panties and take a pic of me and my family in them. I'm on vacation right now, but I really didn't think that would be too hard to make it happen. So I went to the mall...... No luck. Apparently, big girls are discriminated against at the mall. Grannies are not, just big girls. I found lots of panties in normal sizes. Like a size 6.......but with enough fabric in one pair of size sixes to make several more pairs of panties. What is up with that?! How big do people wear their panties?! If you are a size 6, there is no reason to have panties that are 2 feet tall. I mean, really. 

So since my quest to find an actual pair of panties was foiled, I decided I would steal borrow a pic from the interwebz. Guess what I found out from a google search of "big girl photos"? (yes, I forgot to type in "panties") LOTS OF BIG GIRL PORN! Oh my. Not really what I was going for.....but apparently, many others do. Note to self: Get a porn filter before letting boys use my laptop.

I scratched searching the internet to pirate a picture and decided to make my own. I photoshopped a picture from last year of my family at the beach this week to show us in our big girl panties.....which are orange in honor of Clemson Jenn's favorite team, the University of Texas. Go Tigers! Hook 'em Horns!

Happy Birthday my fabulous friend! I hope you don't don't go postal on your coworkers have an awesome day! 

Now go on over to Jenn's at She Says and leave her some lovin'.

Seriously. Go now. 

There's nothing left here to see.

I'm dropping back off the face of the earth going back on vacation.

So scram.

Actually.......I am going to be hanging out with Shell from Things I Can't Say today unless her husband did that background check on me like he threatened.

That's right. Be jealous. I just wish I had packed my tiara and boa. I'm not sure how she'll recognize me at the pool without them. I guess she'll just have to look for the chick eating Doritos being fanned by the cabana boys.

I'm sure some pictures will surface at some point and ya'll can live vicariously through us....or not. Whatever.

Where in the world is Princess?

The princess is back!! <----total lie. I'm just dropping by.

I'm so sorry guys. I didn't even realize how long it had been since my last post. My life has been an absolute whirlwind the past few months weeks. I appreciate the complaining hearing from lots of you and the requests to put up a new post. Those of you who are from my local area know what slave drivers how busy our school keeps us the last few weeks of the year. And if you live in my neighborhood like KL, you have seen me drive back and forth and to and fro non-stop. (Thanks for the friendly waves......and the diabolical laughter under your breath...you just wait until your kids are a tiny bit older!)

Here's what we have been doing in a nutshell. Both boys finished up their baseball and flag football seasons. Both of their teams played in the flag football championship game. One team won by a landslide, the other lost a heartbreaker in the last second. Literally...the last second.

Baseball was a ton of fun and both boys had some great kids on their teams. It was sad to see it end......though it's really not over, because our youngest made one of the Allstar teams. Sooo.....no break from baseball yet! Other than that, I have been at the school every stinking day a lot. Between field days, race days, water day, awards day, K5 graduation, history day, and whatever other reason they can think of to get parents up there volunteering....I've been busy! Not complaining though ok, maybe a little since I love being involved in my kids school. It's all over now though. Our last day of school was today.

*insert happy dance*


Brag alert....both boys had a fantastic year and were highly decorated on awards day. I could not be any prouder of them. We are so fortunate to live in a school district that has swarms of awesome teachers. We will miss the incredible teachAHs *sobs* we had this year, but are super excited about the two teachers my boys have been assigned for next year. (Even though one of them kills poor defenseless birds with her car...*ahem*.)

So now, summer begins. It's my most favorite time of the year. I the boys get to sleep late. We spend countless hours lounging by the pool or wake boarding on the lake. We stay up late and have absolutely no structure. Maybe our pace will slow down enough that I will be able to fire up the puter and spend some time with you guys as well.

I have missed spewing my thoughts into cyberspace blogging. I hate that I have not been around to read other blogs. I've been absent from Twitter and email as well. While it makes me feel good that you noticed I was gone, I also feel very guilty. One of you even told me that her "life was cold and bleak without my inspiring words of humor and that she would surely cease to exsist if I did not return to blogging soon." Or maybe it was something like, "I checked your blog today and didn't see anything new." Either way, it means the same thing......right? *nod your head and agree here*

So here is what I promise to you from now on:

I, Princess of Sarcasm, do solemnly swear to put my family's needs first and blog when I have time from now on!

I know, it's not much. But it's all I can promise right now. I will make an effort to post and visit you when I can. (If there's anything important going on, please notify me. I'm so out of the loop right now!) I'll even pop by Twitter when I get a chance. But right now, I'm off to make some PB&J's. The sun just peeked out a bit and I think we'll go celebrate the beginning of summer at the pool. If I could see my computer screen in direct sunlight and if I thought it were safe to take my laptop around all that splashing water, I would blog poolside all summer. But there is no way I would ever endanger my lovah, Mac(Book).

So to sum it all up.....I have not quit blogging!

Ya'll can't get that lucky rid of me THAT easy....

Thunderstorm at the Duck Pond

It's raining here today in the usually sunny South. But that's not what is making me so gloomy. It's the raining inside my house that is making things dark and somber. I cannot quit crying.

All my life I wanted a brother sister. (Yeah, I was a tomboy growing up.) I had step and half siblings, but I didn't live with any of them. When I was 10, my parents started a children's home. So I had kids in my house all the time, but they came and went. We still keep in touch with many of them. I am close to a few. But I always wanted that close relationship that could make you want to snap someone's neck off one moment and move mountains for them the next that siblings have. So what did I do? I married a man with two brothers and two sisters. I adore his siblings. I am envious of enjoy the closeness they have with each other. One of his sisters moved out here  from Texas. I consider her MY sister.

One Thanksgiving many years ago after the prince and I were first married, we went to spend the week in Texas. We made the rounds seeing family and friends. We were able to spend time with the prince's brother, Bill at his new restaurant. He was so happy and full of life. He had reached his ultimate goal and was doing very well. Bill was on top of the world. Less than two weeks later my prince got the most devastating call he had ever taken. Bill was gone. Just like that. Ripped from our lives....leaving behind a wife and a three year old son. He was 28 years old....

Having a young loved one ripped from your life like that is horribly devastating. Though the daily pain of Bill's loss has dulled, I still cry for him from time to time.

Daffy from Batcrap Crazy is dealing with the loss her sister. Just a few days ago she was tweeting funnies from the hospital with her sis. I was thinking how awesome she was to keep her sister's spirits up by finding humor in the ridiculousness that they were seeing all around. That kind of love and support is vital when dealing with situations like this. I am now thinking about how fortunate they were to have each other. Even though the pain is enormous right now....

At some point way down the line when Daffy thinks of her sister, she will not cry. She will laugh and smile and focus on all the fun times. I wish I could wave a magic wand and get her to that point sooner. But then again, you cannot ever truly appreciate joy and happiness without pain and sadness.

Please go show Daffy your love and support. You have no idea how much your thoughtful words mean.

And please consider the gift of organ donation. One loss can spare so many other people of the same fate. It's a simple gift with extraordinary outcomes.

I love Ducks and Monkeys...

First of all....

Please remember Daffy today. If you haven't heard what her family is going through, please click on her button for an update.

Go show her some Blogfia love!

<a href="http://www.princessofsarcasm.com/2010/03/what-i-meant-to-say-9th-edition-we-are.html"><img src="http://i755.photobucket.com/albums/xx200/amberlaha/blogfia.png" /></a>

Mission Monkey


Hello blog-world!  I am participating in what's known around the world as Mission Monkey day!  What is Mission Monkey you ask?  Well, there's this blogger friend of ours known as Pixie Momma, aka Michelle.  Michelle has a little girl, or Monkey as she's known by who was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma.  To learn more about it, click here. Monkey is a sweet little 16 month old girl.  She doesn't deserve this.  Nobody deserves this.

But the good news is that Monkey only has Stage 1 (low risk).  The bad news is the medical bills are mounting and the Physical Therapy (starts today) isn't covered by insurance.  Michelle is using the donated money to offset medical bills.  She will donate and unused portion to another family dealing with the same issue.

This is why the blogging universe is banning together like never before to rally around Michelle and Monkey to provide support.  In addition to further entice you to lend your hand, and donate to the cause, we have over 50 items that have been donated.  Many bloggers are hosting these fabulous giveaways and all you need to win one of these items is just one raffle ticket.

Donation pages:
Princess of Sarcasm - http://bit.ly/9nUmBp
The One and Only Oka - http://bit.ly/9KZSOG
SupahMommy - http://bit.ly/bSMrGw
Jenn B Says #1 - http://bit.ly/bYzHAH
Jenn B Says #2 - http://bit.ly/bej01D
Amber - http://bit.ly/cTGq29
Two Little Monkeys - http://bit.ly/cZKjzK
Mommy's Nest - http://bit.ly/9tLjoy
Chief's Hiding From the Kids - http://bit.ly/cfKIiO
Jenny - http://bit.ly/dftIS2
Jana (link forthcoming)

You may donate any amount of money via PayPal as it's linked directly to Michelle's bank account.  However, in order to be a part of the raffle, this is how that's going to go.  If you donate the following, you get the subsequent number of entries:

• $10 - 2 entries
• $20 - 5 entries
• $30 - 10 entries
• $40 - 15 entries
• $50 - 20 entries
• $75 - 35 entries
• $100 - 50 entries
• $200 - 125 entries

 The raffles for each item will start on or around July 1st.

Click on monkey to donate!

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If you are donating money via PayPal, I need to know who it's coming from.  For example, look at the first picture below.  The link takes to you this screen.  Press the plus sign and then indicate your blog name/blog email address so I can track you accordingly.

And, here's the thing: this could be any of our kids.  Thank you for your time and thank you for your donation.

There are also a few other things going on to celebrate Mission Monkey please visit them all!






Twitter party!
More info can be found here - CASH PRIZES!!!!!!


Kerri over at Kerri's Klutter is donating $1 for each and every linkup she receives for her weekly meme, Comment Love Letters.  In addition, Adrienne is matching Kerri's donation dollar for dollar!  Go and link up and support Mission Monkey!

ZGirl and Travis are participating in a weight loss challenge and they are asking for your sponsorship.  Please visit them and lend your support!

Jenn over at BabyStepsInHighHeels has a challenge where she's going to donate $1 for every comment/new follower from now until the end of May.  Please visit her!