Random Ramblings

Dear Chocolate Chip Pizza from Pizza Inn,


You are of the devil.


I can't quit you.


Signed,
Jello Butt

(Disclaimer: I obviously snagged that pic from google images. The give away is that the plate only has two slices.)

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You know those little cans of extremely concentrated room sprays?

Husbands should not be allowed to operate them.

*cough cough*  *gag*  *wheeze*

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True Fact (According to Princess): 47 degrees and sunny starts to feel like 70 degrees when you've had so many bitter cold days in a row.

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The Princess of Sarcasm is now accepting offers to review vacation spots in Key West, Costa Rico, Turks and Caicos, or any other place where the winter attire includes flip flops...

Don't mess with me....

This is the most ferocious animal on the face of the earth. 


And he lives at my house....


I would suggest you not try to break in....or sniff his wee wee. 


You will certainly experience the wrath. 


He is 6.5 lbs. of pure dynamite...

I'm looking for the best caption for this photo. 

Ready...set....GO!!!!

Really Rad Reindeer Cookies

I'm that mom. You know the one....


Chief calls me a one upper. But honestly, I don't try to be. I'm just naturally that awesome.


My youngest son had his Christmas party at school today. I love to show off cook. I especially love to make treats for the boys class parties.


Here's what I made for today.

Now granted, I took the easier way out and used a gingerbread cookie mix. 


*insert Martha Stewart rolling over in her million dollar kitchen* 


I'm so super busy running around in circles getting nothing accomplished that I had to cut corners a bit. But they turned out delish and they were a hit with the kiddos!


Take the prepared gingerbread cookie dough (feel free to try these with sugar cookies if you prefer) and roll them into 1" balls. 


Place them on an ungreased cookie sheet. 


Flatten them into a circle using the bottom of a glass. 


Pinch the sides to make the face shape. 


Place broken pretzels in the top for antlers. 


Bake cookies according to directions. 


Immediately upon taking them out of the oven, place two chocolate chips for the eyes and one red m&m for the nose. 


If the m&m's pop out after the cookies cool, use a tiny bit of icing to "glue" the nose back on. 


I dropped a couple of the cookies and used the icing to preform surgery reattach broken antlers as well. 


So if you are looking to outdo the other moms be the "Belle of the Ball" with the 4 to12 year old set, give these cookies a try. 

If you want to see other cookie recipes, head on over to Think Tank Momma's Share a Spoon.

Why I am going to marry my Droid and have it's babies....

I got a new phone. 


It's uses the android operating system.


I am in complete and utter love.


I am going to marry it and have it's babies.


I have been holding out FOREVER waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon. I am a big Mac fan. I am also a big fan of good reception where ever I go...so I have been scouring the interwebz for info about when the iPhone is coming. I've fallen for every single one of the rumors....and learned how to deal with the bitter disappointments. While waiting for EONS, I've become curious about the whole android thing. 


So the other day when the prince was getting a new phone, I asked the sales rep when they were getting the iPhone. My phone is a friggin' lemon and has not been sending out outgoing mail for several months now. It also freezes up nonstop. But I didn't want to use my upgrade to get the Droid X when I knew this time I think that Verizon is actually getting the iPhone! Long story less long, I walked out with a brand new free, low level, no frills phone that uses android OS. I can wait until later to use my upgrade when I see the iPhone in January at an undisclosed date not told to me by said salesrep my new bff and decide between it and the Droid X. What are my thoughts about the el cheapo, low man on the totem pole android phone?


I AM IN LOVE!!


Sure, the camera is pathetic and it doesn't even have a flash. (I can just keep a flashlight in my pocket.) And the keyboard is so tiny that it took me 10 minutes to type a simple sentence. But that was until I discovered Swype. After you get used to it, it is AWESOME! And you iPhone losers users like JennFab can't get it. I am also enjoying apps like Angry Birds and Ping!Chat...which basically lets you text/chat and send pics/videos with anyone else who has the app. 


But one of my mostest favoritest function is the VOICE TO TEXT feature. It is fantastic...for two reasons. 


One, Oprah won't see me texting and driving and get all "but you signed a contract" with me. I can simply talk into the mic and it translates my voice to text. 


The second reason? I will show you by posting a transcript of my convo with Chief. 


(She suggests you take a bathroom break before reading below. Go ahead. I'll wait.)


Bladder empty? Good. Proceed.






Actual texting convo:


Me: I'm trying something out maybe it'll work better for texting


Chief: With the new droid?


Me: omg omg I just talked and texted you


Chief: What the eff? Yer such a showoff


Chief: So, even with your southern twang it works?


Chief: Say y'all...


Me: lol yes it under stance my southern twang


Me: Well kind of lol


Chief: Omg...I just peed


Me: Going to have fun with this


Chief: That right there is blog fodder


Me: fosho baby fo sho


Chief: Say kiss my grits


Me: I am got bush alright


Chief: BS...did you just say that outloud?


Me: this morning that was nice to say it got folks ok right


Chief: wtf


Me: Okay so it's not perfect


Chief: I am got bush?


Chief: Omg...I think you've had a stroke.


Me: It was supposed to say "oh my gosh it even got fo sho right!" LOL...sooooo doing a blog post!! 


Me: I'm going in ToysRUs now


Chief: Have fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn.




Pause for about an hour




Me: omg I almost lost my religion in toys r us


Chief: lmfao...I shop online...what are you doing in store dumba**?


Me: Don't wanna pay shipping


Me: playlist friggin cashier


Me: lowest


Me: low west


Chief: Omg!!! Hahahahahaha


Chief: Slowest?


Me: yeah fff (Trying to say yesssssssss)


Me: ya honey laughing to the could tell I was in a rush and she was hurtful


Me: What the????


Me: the guy behind me but laughing


Me: he could tell I was in a rush


Me: lady walks like a turtle


Chief: Omg...I hope you get this convo on blogger


Me: I'm in tears laughing


Chief: I'm going cross eyed


Me: I can't wait to hear that with everyone


Me: there


Me: share


Me: Took 3 tries probably my accent




The story I was trying to tell Chief was that I had the slowest cashier. And then I was in a rush to beat the kids home from the bus win my mother of the year award get home and the lady walking in front of me was walking like a turtle through the exit. The guy behind me was laughing because he could tell I was in a rush and she was so annoyingly slooooow footed. But with the hilarity of the text translating errors softened my bah humbug heart and made me laugh all the way home. All 80 mph of it...

Thanksgiving from Hell

Thanksgiving....it's my Prince's most favorite day of the year. For those of you who haven't seen his picture before.....he's a big 'ol boy. To have a day devoted to eating a home cooked feast followed by napping in front of the big screen TV with his beloved Cowboys...well, let's just say there is nothing that makes his heart happier.

I've said for years that he married me for my mom's cooking. She was friends with Paula Deen in high school. Their recipes are eerily the same. It must be a south Georgia thing. Everything at our family Thanksgiving meal is made from scratch. I swear alarms would go off and armed guards would intercept us if we tried to get through my mom's front door with Stove Top stuffing.

A couple of years ago, disaster happened...

The Prince had a tooth that had been giving him trouble. He went to the dentist and was told that he needed a root canal immediately. Of course, being an idiot a man, he told the dentist he didn't have time to do it then. He had an important appointment out of town for work, so it would have to wait a few days. He left to go out of town and was supposed to be gone a couple of days. Less than 24 hours later, he called me and told me he was driving back in town and heading straight for the dentist chair. It must have been super bad, because my prince has an amazing tolerance for pain. Either that or he's a masochist.

Everything was fine after the root canal. And by "fine" I mean his mouth was stuffed full of cotton and he was as looney as a dodo bird from the good drugs....until he woke up on Thanksgiving morning.

*insert giant frowny face here*

While the rest of us packed up the suburban with our casserole dishes and a change of pants with extra stretchy waistbands for after dinner, the prince was driving his own truck to meet our dentist at his office.  God bless my sweet dentist who has kept my teeth happy since I was in the 2nd grade. Now I know why he's still my dentist. He spent several hours working on my hard headed (yet extremely lovable) prince's mouth. When he finally arrived at my mom's house, he headed straight for the kitchen....to get a glass of water so he could take a pain pill. Poor baby did not get to eat one single morsel of food all day long.....on his most favorite holiday of the year. It was a real Greek tragedy.

So as you get ready to stuff your faces with sweet potato casserole spend the holiday with your loved ones....remember those who are less fortunate....those who have to smell the wonderful aromas of their mother-in-law's cooking, but cannot eat a bite.

Happy Turkey Day to all you big turkeys!!

Another shortie but sweetie...well, maybe not so sweet...

Interesting fact:

Running late to school significantly decreases the amount of traffic. (win)

It also makes you want to ram your suburban through the back end of the car that pulls out in front of you illegally. (lose)

As well as the moron who doesn't understand the concept of who's turn it really is at a four way stop. (lose...and it's overwhelmingly surprising how many people don't get it.)

It also makes you run the risk of showing up after the bell.....which would mean you have to walk your kids in to school and sign them in....perhaps in your pajamas. (lose...in an epic manner...humiliation for your kids)

via Google Images

So if you see me out and about today...make sure I've had a couple (or 12) diet cokes. I got off on the wrong foot this morning. Consider yourself warned...

Short and sweet....or sarcastic.

I just got my new phone book...which I will give to my neighbor's kid to take to the recycling club at school...where all of my other phone books go.

I really don't know why we get them anymore. I haven't used one since they took all the phone booths away. I'm a whitepages.com kinda girl. 


Is there a way to opt out of getting them? It seems a shame to recycle them when it wasn't even necessary to lose the tree in the first place. (Some tree hugger is sobbing somewhere right now.)

I'm pretty sure the only people who use phone books are those same people who still write checks at the grocery store. 

*waving to you, Mom!*