Princess Goes Postal...but forgets her gun

This is day 3 of my return to blogging. Aren’t you all giddy? Today I am hooking up with the meme What I Meant to Say or WIMTS for short. 





My momma taught me to be polite and say nice things with a smile. I very rarely churn the waters when someone annoys me. So this meme is PERFECT for me. Let me set the stage...

I love to shop. No matter what age, shape, size I have been in my life I have always enjoyed the “ching ching” of the cash register.

It all began with the toy store and the candy store and eventually graduated to malls and boutiques. The only exception to this rule is my adult abhoration (is that a word?) for the grocery store and World of Wally. And really, the only thing I TRULY hate about “the mart” has more to do with the other idiot patrons and the traffic.

And now, boys and girls, someone is trying to ruin my love of shopping at the mall. There are terrorists at the mall. I’m not trying to profile anyone, but they are typically foreigners. And before you get all “Princess hates foreigners!” let me tell you that is NOT true.

I adore the following (but not limited to) foreigners:

Hugh Jackman

David Beckham

Ghandi

Prince William

Gerard Butler

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nelson Mandela

Madonna (Shut. Up. Really?)

Manu Ginobili

Carlos Santana

Colin Firth

Dolce and Gabana

Dolce de Luche (What? Oh. My bad.)

Anyway, you get the point.

So picture this. Princess. At the beach. The Prince and the boys drop her off at the mall and go golfing. Only nine holes. Short period of time. Read: Power shopping.

I am FLYING through the racks of summer sales and shoe departments. I make it through the first department store and head out into the open waters looking for more crack sales.

“Excuse me Miss! Can I have one minute?” says one of the aforementioned foreign terrorists.

I turn as I scurry past and say “I’m so sorry. I’m in a hurry.” WHICH IS TOTALLY THE TRUTH by the way...not that it should matter.

Foreigner holding flat iron in the air, “It will only take one second.” <--Liar. I’m not stupid.

Princess: “No thanks.”

Two steps and BAM!

Foreigner #2: “HEEEEYYYYYY!!!! Remember me?”

Princess: Blank look as I walk away saying, “No thanks” in a firm(ish) tone.

WIMTS: Nooooooo I don’t. And don’t try that stupid flirting stuff. I might be an old lady and you might think you are some young stud, but....

You are not.

You are too short.

You are too young.

Your wallet is too thin.

Your game is weak.

You couldn’t handle it

The Prince would kick your ever lovin’.........

And I do not want your clothes steamer. I can spritz my shirt and throw it in the dryer for 60 seconds just as easy.

Two more steps...

Foreigner #3: “Excuse me. You dropped something.”

Gullible Princess turns and looks. Sees nothing. Clearly confused.

Idiot Foreigner: “It was your smile.”

Princess: Rolls eyes and keeps walking.

Risky Foreigner: “And apparently you dropped your manners too.”

*Princess with steam coming out of her ears* (but says nothing...typical wussy Princess)

WIMTS:  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Every doggone time I go to the mall I am accosted by people trying to peddle their flat iron / Greek hand lotion / nail buffer / clothes steamer / salt scrub / other unwanted retail items. Do you see the people at Ann Taylor stopping me as I walk by asking if I had a minute to look at their trouser socks? You try to stop me ALL. THE. TIME. With kids, without kids, walking fast, walking slow, smiling, scowling, looking away, pretending to text someone....it really doesn’t matter. 

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IS RUDE YOUNG MAN........YOU! When I tell you that I don’t have time. I MEAN IT! <--Apparently they don’t have the “No means No campaign overseas.”

And THAT my friends is why I now enjoy online shopping!