Thursday, December 16, 2010

Really Rad Reindeer Cookies

I'm that mom. You know the one....

Chief calls me a one upper. But honestly, I don't try to be. I'm just naturally that awesome.

My youngest son had his Christmas party at school today. I love to show off cook. I especially love to make treats for the boys class parties.

Here's what I made for today.

Now granted, I took the easier way out and used a gingerbread cookie mix. 

*insert Martha Stewart rolling over in her million dollar kitchen* 

I'm so super busy running around in circles getting nothing accomplished that I had to cut corners a bit. But they turned out delish and they were a hit with the kiddos!

Take the prepared gingerbread cookie dough (feel free to try these with sugar cookies if you prefer) and roll them into 1" balls. 

Place them on an ungreased cookie sheet. 

Flatten them into a circle using the bottom of a glass. 

Pinch the sides to make the face shape. 

Place broken pretzels in the top for antlers. 

Bake cookies according to directions. 

Immediately upon taking them out of the oven, place two chocolate chips for the eyes and one red m&m for the nose. 

If the m&m's pop out after the cookies cool, use a tiny bit of icing to "glue" the nose back on. 

I dropped a couple of the cookies and used the icing to preform surgery reattach broken antlers as well. 

So if you are looking to outdo the other moms be the "Belle of the Ball" with the 4 to12 year old set, give these cookies a try. 

If you want to see other cookie recipes, head on over to Think Tank Momma's Share a Spoon.

Think Tank Momma

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Why I am going to marry my Droid and have it's babies....

I got a new phone. 

It's uses the android operating system.

I am in complete and utter love.

I am going to marry it and have it's babies.

I have been holding out FOREVER waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon. I am a big Mac fan. I am also a big fan of good reception where ever I I have been scouring the interwebz for info about when the iPhone is coming. I've fallen for every single one of the rumors....and learned how to deal with the bitter disappointments. While waiting for EONS, I've become curious about the whole android thing. 

So the other day when the prince was getting a new phone, I asked the sales rep when they were getting the iPhone. My phone is a friggin' lemon and has not been sending out outgoing mail for several months now. It also freezes up nonstop. But I didn't want to use my upgrade to get the Droid X when I knew this time I think that Verizon is actually getting the iPhone! Long story less long, I walked out with a brand new free, low level, no frills phone that uses android OS. I can wait until later to use my upgrade when I see the iPhone in January at an undisclosed date not told to me by said salesrep my new bff and decide between it and the Droid X. What are my thoughts about the el cheapo, low man on the totem pole android phone?


Sure, the camera is pathetic and it doesn't even have a flash. (I can just keep a flashlight in my pocket.) And the keyboard is so tiny that it took me 10 minutes to type a simple sentence. But that was until I discovered Swype. After you get used to it, it is AWESOME! And you iPhone losers users like JennFab can't get it. I am also enjoying apps like Angry Birds and Ping!Chat...which basically lets you text/chat and send pics/videos with anyone else who has the app. 

But one of my mostest favoritest function is the VOICE TO TEXT feature. It is fantastic...for two reasons. 

One, Oprah won't see me texting and driving and get all "but you signed a contract" with me. I can simply talk into the mic and it translates my voice to text. 

The second reason? I will show you by posting a transcript of my convo with Chief

(She suggests you take a bathroom break before reading below. Go ahead. I'll wait.)

Bladder empty? Good. Proceed.

Actual texting convo:

Me: I'm trying something out maybe it'll work better for texting

Chief: With the new droid?

Me: omg omg I just talked and texted you

Chief: What the eff? Yer such a showoff

Chief: So, even with your southern twang it works?

Chief: Say y'all...

Me: lol yes it under stance my southern twang

Me: Well kind of lol

Chief: Omg...I just peed

Me: Going to have fun with this

Chief: That right there is blog fodder

Me: fosho baby fo sho

Chief: Say kiss my grits

Me: I am got bush alright

Chief: BS...did you just say that outloud?

Me: this morning that was nice to say it got folks ok right

Chief: wtf

Me: Okay so it's not perfect

Chief: I am got bush?

Chief: Omg...I think you've had a stroke.

Me: It was supposed to say "oh my gosh it even got fo sho right!" LOL...sooooo doing a blog post!! 

Me: I'm going in ToysRUs now

Chief: Have fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn.

Pause for about an hour

Me: omg I almost lost my religion in toys r us

Chief: lmfao...I shop online...what are you doing in store dumba**?

Me: Don't wanna pay shipping

Me: playlist friggin cashier

Me: lowest

Me: low west

Chief: Omg!!! Hahahahahaha

Chief: Slowest?

Me: yeah fff (Trying to say yesssssssss)

Me: ya honey laughing to the could tell I was in a rush and she was hurtful

Me: What the????

Me: the guy behind me but laughing

Me: he could tell I was in a rush

Me: lady walks like a turtle

Chief: Omg...I hope you get this convo on blogger

Me: I'm in tears laughing

Chief: I'm going cross eyed

Me: I can't wait to hear that with everyone

Me: there

Me: share

Me: Took 3 tries probably my accent

The story I was trying to tell Chief was that I had the slowest cashier. And then I was in a rush to beat the kids home from the bus win my mother of the year award get home and the lady walking in front of me was walking like a turtle through the exit. The guy behind me was laughing because he could tell I was in a rush and she was so annoyingly slooooow footed. But with the hilarity of the text translating errors softened my bah humbug heart and made me laugh all the way home. All 80 mph of it...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving from Hell's my Prince's most favorite day of the year. For those of you who haven't seen his picture before.....he's a big 'ol boy. To have a day devoted to eating a home cooked feast followed by napping in front of the big screen TV with his beloved Cowboys...well, let's just say there is nothing that makes his heart happier.

I've said for years that he married me for my mom's cooking. She was friends with Paula Deen in high school. Their recipes are eerily the same. It must be a south Georgia thing. Everything at our family Thanksgiving meal is made from scratch. I swear alarms would go off and armed guards would intercept us if we tried to get through my mom's front door with Stove Top stuffing.

A couple of years ago, disaster happened...

The Prince had a tooth that had been giving him trouble. He went to the dentist and was told that he needed a root canal immediately. Of course, being an idiot a man, he told the dentist he didn't have time to do it then. He had an important appointment out of town for work, so it would have to wait a few days. He left to go out of town and was supposed to be gone a couple of days. Less than 24 hours later, he called me and told me he was driving back in town and heading straight for the dentist chair. It must have been super bad, because my prince has an amazing tolerance for pain. Either that or he's a masochist.

Everything was fine after the root canal. And by "fine" I mean his mouth was stuffed full of cotton and he was as looney as a dodo bird from the good drugs....until he woke up on Thanksgiving morning.

*insert giant frowny face here*

While the rest of us packed up the suburban with our casserole dishes and a change of pants with extra stretchy waistbands for after dinner, the prince was driving his own truck to meet our dentist at his office.  God bless my sweet dentist who has kept my teeth happy since I was in the 2nd grade. Now I know why he's still my dentist. He spent several hours working on my hard headed (yet extremely lovable) prince's mouth. When he finally arrived at my mom's house, he headed straight for the get a glass of water so he could take a pain pill. Poor baby did not get to eat one single morsel of food all day long.....on his most favorite holiday of the year. It was a real Greek tragedy.

So as you get ready to stuff your faces with sweet potato casserole spend the holiday with your loved ones....remember those who are less fortunate....those who have to smell the wonderful aromas of their mother-in-law's cooking, but cannot eat a bite.

Happy Turkey Day to all you big turkeys!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Another shortie but sweetie...well, maybe not so sweet...

Interesting fact:

Running late to school significantly decreases the amount of traffic. (win)

It also makes you want to ram your suburban through the back end of the car that pulls out in front of you illegally. (lose)

As well as the moron who doesn't understand the concept of who's turn it really is at a four way stop. (lose...and it's overwhelmingly surprising how many people don't get it.)

It also makes you run the risk of showing up after the bell.....which would mean you have to walk your kids in to school and sign them in....perhaps in your pajamas. ( an epic manner...humiliation for your kids)

via Google Images

So if you see me out and about today...make sure I've had a couple (or 12) diet cokes. I got off on the wrong foot this morning. Consider yourself warned...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Short and sweet....or sarcastic.

I just got my new phone book...which I will give to my neighbor's kid to take to the recycling club at school...where all of my other phone books go.

I really don't know why we get them anymore. I haven't used one since they took all the phone booths away. I'm a kinda girl. 

Is there a way to opt out of getting them? It seems a shame to recycle them when it wasn't even necessary to lose the tree in the first place. (Some tree hugger is sobbing somewhere right now.)

I'm pretty sure the only people who use phone books are those same people who still write checks at the grocery store. 

*waving to you, Mom!*

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Changing seasons and body images....

Guess what time of year it is?!!!!! 
End of Summer
Football Season
School Time
Diet time. 
*balloons deflate*
Let's just say....Princess has been having a little too much fun this summer. For some reason I cannot go on vacation without eating my way through the town putting on a few pounds. It took me quite some time to realize my fattness weight gain. Wearing comfortable, flowy skirts all summer will do nothing to remind you of your increasing buttocks. 
My boys had their first baseball practice the other night and I threw on a pair of capris before we left because the temperatures had plunged to like freezing 85 degrees at night. 
(All you yankees can shut it. If you don't know that I am a sun bunny and not a snow bunny by now, you must be a newbie.) 
Anyfatty, back to my story.... Those capri pants fit like a glove....alleged OJ's glove. They were T-I-G-H-T. (And not the slang "tight" that means something good. The old meaning of tight that means....well....tight.)
After my revelation, I tried to put my fat hiney under the pillow. But alas, the Skinny Fairy did not show up. At first, I thought maybe she the tooth fairy does on occasion. *ahem* So I did it again. Still...a no show.
At this point, I'm forced to lose the weight the old fashion way....starving diet and exercise. I'm on day three and I miss butter am working through the hunger. I've managed to lose 3 lbs. (I know, I's water weight. Don't rain on my parade!) 
I need some accountability. Since apparently I cannot trust my skirts....
I am going to post a before pic and then when I lose the weight I will post an after pic. 


Ok...real before

After day 2.

Shut up. There is NOT any photoshopping deception involved here. I have no idea what you are talking about. My diet is really working. I am going to publish it and be a GAZILLIONAIRE. 
Don't worry. I will take you all on a fabulous vacation...after we all lose our weight. 
And we will look like this....

Wait...I mean like this....

Who's with me?

Friday, September 10, 2010

New Jersey Nuts

New Jersey has to be the most entertaining state on the map right now. Between Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, etc. I'm betting all the residents of NJ would prefer to have The Sopranos to come back. You know, the classy New Jersey show. To all my New Jersey peeps...don't worry...we know it's not an accurate depiction of New Jersey life. But it's someone else's turn to be the butt of jokes. The South is passing on that role to you. You. Are. Welcome.

I am thoroughly devastated that RHONJ is over. It was a cinematic masterpiece....of train wreck TV. What made it so trashy delicious? Danielle. I'm sure she will win all kinds of porn awards emmys this year for best skanky hoochie villian.

As a stay at home mom psychotherapist, it is a diagnostic dream to watch her. I am sure Danielle is used in psychology program case studies all over the world when students are learning to diagnose pure crazy serious mental illnesses. In fact, I'm sure they will have to come up with a new one that will encompass all the crazy into one simple line. It would be something like General Wackadoodle, Complete Crackhead, Needs a Check Up from the Neck Up, Full On Fruitcake with a secondary diagnosis of Broke Hooker.

It amazed me how her reality was COMPLETELY different from EVERYONE ELSE'S. I wondered if she was even there in the room when everything was happening. Perhaps she was a hologram or some kind of Disney Pixar magic instead. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with. Danielle was the master of turning a simple comment about absolutely nothing into a specific death threat or intent to cause bodily harm.

Did you see the women she accused of threatening her? They look like the kind of women who might be able to take you down at a cupcake decorating class or a queso eating contest. The only thing Danielle needs to worry about or to keep an eye on is her Tostitos. I'm pretty sure her children are safe unless they are holding cupcakes.

The thing that really killed me was the reunion show. Danielle sat there playing the part of the victim of all their abuse, when IN REALITY she started the whole thing. After months of her telling lies about the other women and slandering them every chance she got, she acted all innocent when they angrily confronted her about it. She denied everything...even though it is all on film and sex tapes.

She claimed that everyone just misunderstood her blatant threats and vicious insults remarks. She pushed the women to the point where it was impossible for them to contain their rage. People can only take so much before they snap. I'm a generally calm and docile princess....yet I had the overwhelming urge to jump through the TV screen and yank her other hair extensions off her craze balls head myself. (Might have been the HD signal that made me feel like it was a viable possibility.)

And Kim G. *insert shaking head* Lawd have mercy. She tried to pretend to be the the Switzerland of the show, but in reality she was the snooty, holier than thou, spineless, I'm friendly with you only if you can do something for me, two faced) France.

 I have no clue how Danielle managed to get a handful of sheep so many people to believe her and feel sorry for her. Poor liar victim, Danielle. They must have missed some of the know the ones where Danielle opened her mouth.

When Danielle apologized to Jaqueline and Teresa....complete with a full on, lingering molestation hug with Jaqueline...did anyone else roll their eyes and think, "I've heard this lie before!"

I mean seriously, do you know anyone in your life like Danielle who is this out of touch with reality? Yeah, me too. *Insert nervous laughter. Makes eye contact with readers who relate. Updates life insurance policy.*

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Puppy love for Julie and Jaden....

Our pup Brutus Chico has become the official Sarcasm family spokesdog. Why? Because when he is around, no one is paying attention to anything but his sweet little self. <--totally understandable

Chico wants you to all to pray for Jaden's mom, Julie. If you don't know who Jaden and Julie are you must be living in the remote hills of Kapackaraqstan click here.

As if watching your baby go through treatment for cancer was not bad enough......what would you do if your own cancer returned?

Me? Personally? I would crumble like a pillar of salt.

I cannot imagine the immense pain and emotional suffering this family has been through already. It's just not fair. Too much....enough already I say!! <--cancer does not listen to me, but I keep yelling.

Pray for Julie and go show her some love at Supah's place. Jaden needs his mommy. He needs her to be healthy and happy. They deserve for life to be relatively uneventful. I think they've been through enough already....

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

World Premier....

The Sarcasm Family has an announcement to make....

Is he not the cutest thing EVER?!


You need more proof?

Now try to tell me he's not the cutest puppy ever....

Chico is quite the popular fellow. It's too bad my boys aren't in to girls yet, cuz this little miniature bear is a chick magnet. The dudes dig him too. My poor prince couldn't take a nap on Sunday afternoon for the steady stream of kids coming in to see our little studling. 

The prince is already trying to turn him into a hunting dog. But I think it might be a problem since his legs are barely long enough to run through the grass. I'm guessing tromping through the woods might be an issue. Not to mention, he's easily spooked.

The prince gave him the name "Chico." I felt like I had to give him a strong middle he wouldn't get beat up on the playground.

Chico has already found himself a cougar. It's a bit of a long distance relationship. But thanks to Skype, he can see his girl Maggie whenever Chief gets her Mac out of her bag he wants.

I'm sure my new little bundle of fur will provide me with blog fodder. So stay tuned to the adventures in potty training.....and lunch dates with my favorite shoes....

Friday, August 27, 2010

Fatty McFatterson

Hey ya'll....I'm back from beautiful Charleston, SC...better known as the fried green tomato, shrimp and grits, okra, and peach cobbler tour. And after my puffy taco, enchilada, and Big Red tour of Texas earlier this month....I AM OFFICIALLY ON A DIET!!

So if you are one of my locals and you see me with anything other than a carrot in my mouth...slap it out of my hand and stomp on it. (But do it real good, I have this five second rule....especially if it's chocolate...and I do NOT have any shame.) It will be jeans season anytime now and I am skurred to put them on. All these free flowing summer dresses are ruining me. Traitors.

I'm sure you are all coming back to my blog today to look for an update about this post. Well, today I am going to see a man about a dog......or better yet....a lady about a puppy. Stay tuned for the conclusion.

Here's my big will I know if this dog is an idiot? I have a hard time getting past the cutesy, tail waggin', puppy kissing, floppy earred adorableness whenever I see a pup. Last time I fell for that crap it was a disaster! No, I'm not talking about Auggie the 20 year old most awesomest wonder dog ever who passed on a couple of years ago. I'm talking about the stray beagle my friend made me come see when I was in grad school.

Oh, how cute he was. (DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!) He had the floppiest of ears...the sweetest of faces...the snuggliest of noses...the fatest little beagle belly ever! (I looked past the infestation of fleas and a gazillion ticks.) We introduced him to Auggie and after a few minutes of butt sniffing, they were fast friends. Soul brothers.

These pics are not of Doc. But they may be his twin brothers. 
Photos via Google Images

It was a blissful life at first (after a thorough bath)....well, except that Doc would steal Auggies food. (See fat dog reference earlier...he had a tyroid problem we later found out....a daily pill helped.) And the fact that Doc would dig out of the backyard despite a physical fence AND an underground fence. (He would yelp the entire time he dug.) There was no keeping this dog in the yard. It was like trying to make a 20 year old hooker into a nun.

There were countless vet bills from his escapades into the dog eat dog (literally) world. There was this one time when we were on vacation and my SIL was dog sitting at our house. He ran away for a few days and came back with a severed urethra. Auggie (the follower) came back with maggots in his wound. (Gag, puke, choke.) We sat in the doggie ER hoping Doggie Social Services would come take him from us. But alas, they found us to be diligent doggie parents. *le sigh*

As much as Doc was a bad mama jamma around the hood....he was also a little scaredy cat. That dog could not stand to be outside in the rain. And if there was the tiniest clap of thunder, you can rest assured he would be at the back door clawing his way in. (Nearly dug a whole in it.)

One day the prince and I were out shopping for baby stuff. A horrible storm came up with terrible thunder and lightening. I just knew Doc was outside in the hurricane waiting (impatiently) for me to let him in. By the time we got home, it was a steady rain but the thunder and lightening had passed. I was surprised not to see his little rain soaked fat body at the door looking up at me with his pitiful little fat face. I figured he had finally given up and gone to lay in the deluxe dog house like our good dog, Auggie.

A short while later, the sun came out. We opened the door and called the dogs. Auggie stepped out of his house with a little stretch and a yawn and slowly walked into the house. Doc was no where to be found. I started to get annoyed as I was calling for him. All I could think was, "That dang dog is off stirring up trouble again!"

But then I heard him. A little whimper. From where? I couldn't find him anywhere in the yard. And then I realized the sound was coming from up above. OH NO! My sweet little annoying dog didn't make it through the storm and now he is an angel! (God was being generous.)

I looked up and there he was...................on our roof. (I'll give you a few seconds to process that.)

Yep. On the roof! The prince had left a ladder leaning against the house. When Doc finally realized no one was going to let him in the house, he did the next most logical thing one would do in a monsoon....he climbed onto the roof!!! But then his fat butt couldn't get back down! So he spent the entire storm on the top of the house.....with no shelter from the storm. That dog was the smartest idiot I've ever known.

Please dear Lord, give me a sign if this puppy is even a smidgen related to Doc. I beg of you.....

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Princess Goes to Chucktown

Ha ha Suckas! Guess where I'm headed? I'm headed to Chucktown with the prince tonight. (That would be Charleston for you non locals. Try to keep up.)
Nana and Papa God bless them are coming to do the kid/school duty. All I have to do is finish packing and I'm outta here! 
*insert happy dance*
AND...I have a new bag to pack from Simply Bags. (Click on the link and browse around for a moment. I'll be right here waiting for you................ Fabulous, right? I know!!)
When Simply Bags contacted me to see if I would be interested in doing a product review in exchange for a bag, I said, "Heck yeah!"....or something like that. I mean, who can't use a bag?! I am always needing something to pack up stuff to go to the lake, the beach, the pool, the ball fields, tailgating, overnight trips to fabulous places, school, *take a deep breath* etc. They asked what color and if I would like it personalized. and Princess of course!
It came in the mail just in time for me to pack it for the lake this weekend. I was surprised how big it was. I fit a change of clothes and shoes for 4 people in it with plenty of extra room left. It has a side pocket for small items and the top zips closed. The rope handle is soft and did not dig into my shoulder like a lot of other bags do. I truly love this bag after one use!

So now I've got it all packed up for my trip to Charleston. Since it's my new favorite bag, I have all of my favorite essential items packed in lovah Macbook, my squishy pillow, my super soft snuggly blanket, my ultra comfortable J. Crew flip flops, and of boa and tiara. 
If you see someone walking around Charleston with a boa and tiara pink striped bag with Princess on the side, be sure to say "Hi!"
Go see all the awesome products Simply Bags has to offer. There are some great gifts for young adults going off to college, teacher gifts, girlfriend gifts, kids gifts, gifts for yourself, princess gifts.....really any kind of gift. Like I said, who can't use an awesome bag?! <--I will be happy to receive another bag if you want to buy me one. No really.....feel free. ;)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Dog Days.....

My boys want a dog.

We had the most awesome dog in the world up until a couple of years ago. We had to put down our sweet dog Auggie two weeks before Christmas. It was heart wrenching. He was 20 years old. He was my absolute life before we had kids.

After Auggie passed, many people asked if we would get another dog. At the time there was no way I could fathom opening my heart to another animal. So we put it off. My kids, on the other hand, did not spend 20 years with him and form the same kind of attachment. They started asking for another dog soon after.

The other night we went to a BBQ joint with some friends. It's was a quaint little restaurant behind an old farmhouse on several acres of land. There were two old labs frolicking lying lifeless in the grass when we pulled up. The boys played with them a few seconds before we doused them in hand sanitizer walked in. After we finished eating, the adults sat and talked while the kids went outside to run around.

I sat and watched my boys running around with those sweet old dogs. (They miraculously came to life when my boys doused in BBQ cologne walked outside.) It was the sweetest thing ever. Boys and dogs. It doesn't get a whole lot more Norman Rockwell than that.

After watching them I feel like I need to put my grief aside and attempt to open up my heart....for my boys sake. I'm sure Auggie would not want them to go through life without that experience of loving a dog as they grow up. So I started looking online for adoptable dogs. Auggie was a rescue mutt and made me a big fan of shelter dogs.

After looking through hundreds of pictures of dogs, I realized I have some specific requests...

  • I need a dog smaller than 100 lbs. I have two growing boys who are destined to be large teenagers. (Their daddy played offensive tackle in college.) I don't need a dog who will eat more than them.
  • I want a dog that does not shed. (Self explanatory.)
  • I would prefer a dog who does not bark all night long. (I like being a good neighbor.)
  • Speaking of being a good neighbor, I would like one who does not root around in my neighbors garbage cans on trash day. 
  • Do they make self cleaning dogs?
OH NO!!! I think what I really want is a CAT! Did I mention I hate don't prefer cats? 

They don't fetch. They decide when they do or don't want to be loved on. Their litter boxes stink to high heavens. They are moody and vindictive. I've never been a fan of cats...except for our cat Miss Kitty when I was a little girl. But I think she was trans-specied. She felt like a dog on the inside. Poor thing. We probably should have sent her to therapy instead of making her eat cat food and play with cat toys. 

What should I do? I am open to suggestions. My boys are waiting....

Friday, August 20, 2010

Fat Girl to the Rescue

I've often wondered why most of my friends are super fit. I mean, what are they doing hanging out with a lazy chubby girl like me? My initial thought was because it:
  • Reminded them why they need to continue to exercise.
  • Made them feel better about themselves.
  • I am their project and they sit around at Zumba class and plan how they are going to "change" me.
  • They need someone at their birthday party that will eat up the left over cake so that there is none left to tempt them.
My Girls
Sorry the pic is so small. I'm having technical difficulties...

I have so many good friends who run daily because they are nuts like it. They run in 5Ks and Mud Runs. They do yoga. They ride their bikes for hours upon miles. They work out with big steroidy dudes named Bo Bo. (Kidding...I have no idea if Bo Bo does steroids. It's just the image I have made up in my mind. I've never seen know, since I don't go to the gym.) They invite me to water aerobics. Uhhh, no thanks ladies. That incorporates two things I hate....exercise AND swim suits!
Today, I realized the real reason I have been befriended by all my fitness queen chicks. I got a call from one of my besties, Serena. 
Serena: "Hey! I need you real quick. Do you have 15 minutes?"
Me: "Of course I do. What's up?" (Thinking she needs to talk a minute and she wants to pick my brain since I am an expert in child and adolescent psychology was a therapist in a former life before children...and she has a daughter in middle school.)
Serena: "My bike has a flat tire. I need you to come get me and take me home."
Me: *feeling guilty that she's exercising while I can't even find the motivation to get in the shower yet* "I'll be right there!"
Obviously I am the only one they can call for such a service. Everyone else is out doing *insert fitness activity here*.
So I'm their emergency plan. Which is not all bad. 
A. I'm needed.
B. I'm valued.
C. I get to be their superhero.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Day Two: I'm not gonna make it...

Today is day 2 of school. But since we parked and walked our boys to their classes on the first day it was day 1 of carpool line otherwise known as pure hell!

Our school is going through some growing pains which means pain in the buttocks CONSTRUCTION! Ugh. The first phase is the loss of one of our two drop off lanes. In the end, it will make our drop off/pick up process safer by getting the car line off the main street and into the parking lot while waiting. But for now it is a cluster...ummm...let's just leave it at cluster.

This morning it took me 20 minutes to get my hellions angels to school. This may not sound like a long time to you, but I live really close to their school. So close that if we have our walkie talkies on the same channel, we can hear them calling students to the car line while sitting in our house. (You have no idea how much restraint it takes for the Prince not to get on the radio and mess with Mrs. Bulldog.)

As annoying as it was for the parents and kids at drop off this morning, it was twice as miserable for my friend Mrs. Bulldog. Girlfriend looked like she was one of those dudes directing airplanes to the gate....except she had cuter shoes.

I might take her a pair of headphones, a safety vest and some glow sticks tomorrow. Though she might appreciate vodka valium a hug more....

Monday, August 16, 2010

Summer Lovin....

In the words of Danny and Sandy....

"Summer lovin', had me a blast.

Summer lovin' happened so fast"

Truer words were never spoken...

*big dramatic sigh*

Goodbye my darling, Summer.  (Kids start school tomorrow.)

Parting is such sweet bitter sorrow.... (Shakespeare was apparently drunk when he wrote "SWEET sorrow")

I shall miss you lazy summer mornings of sleeping in....

Gone are the days of the sun reflecting off the cool waters of the beach, pool, lake....and glistening drinks. (Yes, I am including the reflection off my silver diet coke cans.)

No more late nights playing outside with the boys...catching fire flies and pop flies...playing kickball at dusk.

No more hopping in the truck, traveling with the boys to a new place.

Hello alarm clocks and rushing around in the morning.

Here we come school traffic and homework.

Then right around the corner comes fall sports....with the hustle and bustle of practices and games.

Hurry up, get a bath, get in bed....

And then we do it all over again the next day....until summer comes.

Liva la Summer! Save me a seat for June...preferably one pool, lake, or ocean side...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Back to School and Big Brother...because those topics obviously go hand in hand.

You guys either do not have a life (totally not judging here) or you are true fans (hoping for this one.) I have made two pitiful "comebacks" this summer only to neglect my blog both times. I had to gather my page view stats for someone and was SHOCKED to see how many people mosey on over even when I am not posting anything. But never fear my, I mean kids start back to school next week and I will surely find the time and the annoyances to blog about.

You. Are. Welcome.

But for the time being...I have something I need to express real quick.

Is anyone else utterly and completely annoyed by this couple?!

Rachel may be the single most annoying Big Brother contestant ever. And possibly the most annoying person on reality TV ever. She has played Brendan like a fool using her boobs emotional manipulation to turn him into an idiot. I'm sure his mom is sooooo happy about his relationship with Rachel. It's really hard to believe these two are actual scientists. The fact that they are annoying me more than the Jersey boy who calls himself "Meow Meow" says a lot....

I wish I could be in the room watching Brendan when the show is over and he sees all the things Rachel is saying about him behind his back. Or with Rachel, Brittney, and Monet when they are all talking smack about each other. This season definitely deserves the catty girls award. The only good thing about this season was seeing Jeff and Jordan host the POV contest.

Maybe it's ME that needs to get a life..... <--no comments from the peanut gallery please!