Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Skew - I did NOT have sexual relations with George Clooney...or Tiger's Wood.

This week on....THE SKEW


I don't even have the energy to go into some funny intro where I rip Supah a new one for throwing a pen in my eye during our first episode. (Yes, I am still bitter....and blind.) 

I am so exhausted from our own little family Olympics (shut up MIITB) called "Spring sports overlap with basketball and Princess should have said NO to both boys playing baseball AND flag football." Two weeks of hell are in order until basketball will be over. 

Thank GOD Chief is back from smuggling exotic men birds under the ruse of a family cruise to Mexico. JennFab might not make it because she got caught in some kind of major blizzard in Austin. MIITB is too busy watching all of her Chicago losers homies on American Idol. 

What do I think of the Tiger Woods Dog and Pony Show press conference? 

I think it was all for the there’s no way to tell how he really feels. There have been tons of PR people orchestrating his return to the spotlight. And I guarantee he had nothing to do with the speech....other than memorizing what NIKE they told him to say.

His little choreographed pauses, long stares into the camera, and "gulps" made me want to spit at my TV. But then I would have had to clean it....and I don't like hard labor. So I didn't. 
I don’t think Tiger's extremely whorish overly active sex life has anything to do with him being an athlete. But his narcissism does. Has anyone been paying attention? Most athletes have been treated as gods for decades. Is it any wonder they are starting to believe that they really ARE gods? 

Here's a screenshot of my facebook status...which names and identities changed of course:

I did not choose to continue this conversations on facebook. But I'll go ahead and throw in my .78 cents here...

"No excuse for his actions??? Well over 50% of Americans disagree, as the majority of cheating spouses..."

I think Tiger HAS an excuse. (Sexual addiction.) I just don't think it's an acceptable one for his GROSS misconduct! We are not talking about a man who had a MOMENT of weakness...or even an isolated affair. We're talking about a man who literally had  one twelve in every nook & cranny town!

"He is human and if you had George Clooney...."

Oh, so that makes it okay? Dang. I shouldn't have turned George away all those times. I sure wish I hadn't torn up his phone number. * me.*

"I for one am putting the rocks aside..."

Ok, I'm not one who typically judges people. I whole heartedly believe that it is not my place to judge someone else. I believe in redemption. I believe people can most certainly work hard to change the person they are into the person they want to be. I believe in taking someone's character for who they are NOW and not what they used to be. Notice my status was not one of judging...but making a statement about his PR team.

However, in the spirit of not judging....does that mean we should let people completely off the hook? That the public should immediately embrace him and welcome them with open hearts and minds? Tiger got to experience all the joy and happy endings when he was in the throes of his "addictive behaviors." Should he be robbed of the experience of painful CONSEQUENCES?!

At the risk of this post going on and on cuz Lord knows I could...I will begin to wrap it up. (The Skew is not a two hour special interview.)

But before I do, I want to address one more point Tiger made in his press conference.

He pleaded with the world to please NOT blame ELIN for ANYTHING.

*crickets chirping as the wind blows dust and tumbleweeds*

WHAT?! Blame ELIN?!

Who's blaming Elin for anything?! other than not going all Lorena Bobbit on his hobbit 

Not me. Unless you want me to blame her for being stunningly gorgeous, yet married to a troll.

Okay. I'm done.

Feel free to agree or disagree.

What is your skew? Tell us, grap the button code over on my sidebar and then link up.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Survivor Challenge-Warning: Nudity Involved

survivor button

That’s right ya’ll...Princess is a playah....a Survivor playah. (As long as you don’t make me sleep in a hut, eat a maggot infested delicacy eyeball from a sheep’s head, or wipe my delicates with leaves and other random assorted jungle items.)

I will do ANYTHING to win Supah’s Survivor game. As evidenced from my picture, I am even willing to STRIP for peanut butter and chocolate to win. Forgive me Momma. Luckily for you I was wearing my boa...

It’s ON like Donkey Kong Meeko boys and the rest girls. The ghettofied, sweet tea Princess is challenging you to BRANG IT!

This week’s challenge was truly a doosie for me. We were ordered asked to make a button (aka a “buff”on) that represented our Survivor identity in Supah’s game. In case you didn't already know it, I am HTMLtarded. (And yes, I had to double check to make sure I had the H.T.M.L. in the right order.) Thanks to Amber’s superfly button tutorial, lots of my fellow idiots competitors were able to complete the challenge.
Don’t ya’ll think I should be picked for the winnah? I what if some of the other contestants cheated used animation in their buffons? I’m NAKED for heaven’s sake!!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Post It Notes: Edition #15-Sunshine & Vodka

It's Tuesday! 

You know what that means. 

All the cool kids are doing it...

You can join in and make your own post-its.

Click it. Do it. Link it. Read it. Simple as that.

And don't forget this week's hot topic on....

This week on the "skew."

The Cheetah Woods Press Conference. Did you watch? What did you think? Do you think public figures should apologize publicly? Do you think it is sincere? What's your "skew." Write a post and link up on Thursday!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Oh Mercy Me...

Ok ya'll...I know I have been slack today. I didn't post all day and I have not read one single blog! *insert sobs* <----your sobs, not mine. *wink wink* Okay kidding...but hopefully some of you actually realized I hadn't posted yet today.

I have barely had time to return emails and you certainly have not seen me on Twitter. (Except for one quick blurb.) It's been THAT kind of day. And to top it off, the prince flew into Philadelphia for a big meeting in Delaware. 

I hope you yankees aren't expecting one of those massive snowfalls like you've been getting lately. If the prince gets stranded before he's supposed to fly home tomorrow, I'll be on Twitter putting a tweet out to all you complete strangers BFF's to give him a warm bed and a home cooked meal preferably some good ol' fried chicken, black eyed peas, cornbread, sweet tea, and peach pie of some sort to make him feel at home. Ya'll would do that if I asked, right? You wouldn't make the prince stay in the airport all night? That would just be plum unneighborly...

But don't worry ya'll...I'll do my best to be back tomorrow with your regularly scheduled Post It Note Tuesdays hosted by one of my favorite bloggers in all of bloggy land *insert trumpets* SUPAH MOMMY. If ya'll aren't already following her you are idiots have obviously not happened upon her yet or you have language standards.

And don't forget this week's hot topic on....

This week on the "skew."

The Cheetah Woods Press Conference. Did you watch? What did you think? Do you think public figures should apologize publicly? Do you think it is sincere? What's your "skew." Write a post and link up on Thursday!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Supah's Survivor Challenge #1

I am a huge Survivor fan. So when I heard that SupahMommy was planning a Survivor game...I was all in. We all got to pick a member from the cast, but I got to pick near the end and all that was left was like Coach, Randy, Tyson, and some chick I didn't remember. So naturally, I flipped a coin until it I didn't have to pick Coach picked Tyson. Tyson revolts me. But he's my guy...until he gets voted off. If he wins, I get a supah prize basket. If he loses I get nothing. Is it bad that I'm kinda wishing he gets voted off even though it means I won't get prizes?

But alas, I have TWO chances to win. Supah gives us a challenge each week that we have to compete in for immunity and we vote our friends each other off each week. Our first challenge was to send a homemade valentine to our host, Harv Spitenstein. We then had to post the valentine on our blog at some point. (I almost forgot.) So's mine. 

Sorry this one is on it's side. I took it with my cell phone and can't figure out how to flip it.
Please just tilt your head. Thanks.

Yes, that is pink glitter scrapbook paper I used. 
If only I had been able to find some using pink feathers too....

And because it's too hard to read, here are the poems on each side:

Dearest Harv,
Don’t try to deny it, you know you want me.
There’s no possible way you wouldn’t pick me over Colby.
I heard you were feeling a little bit blue,
So I wrote this Survivor poem just for you.
Just flip it over and prepare to have your heart warmed.
You’ll fall for me, don’t say you weren’t warned.
Tyson (aka Princess)

Ode to Survivor
oh survivor how i love you so
rupert with his broken toe
stephanie and her dislocated shoulder
rob took on james and hit a boulder
sparks are flying between coach and jerri
the thoughts of that are pretty scary
cirie had a saying that was quite cute
“no one knows i’m gangsta in an oprah suit”
i’m stuck with tyson, a horrible player
but at least i didn’t get the DRAGON SLAYER
i love that JT is planning to flip the script
the thought of him as a villain makes me trip
sugar is gone after following Colby to the pisser
i don’t think i’m really gonna miss her
she annoyed everyone by being a nighttime talker
how does colby always end up with the stalker?
i’m so pumped about this season
heroes vs. villains is the reason
so many good personalities on this show
i’ll be parked in front of the tv on thursday’s you know! 


The Skew - The Olympics Shlympics

My eye is better. Thanks for asking. I may need you all to be a witness in my pending lawsuit against Supah who tried to maim me for life a couple of weeks ago. If you missed the whole horrible here.

Ruthless isn't she?!

But I'm a fighter. <-------total lie

So I'm still here....pushing my skew no matter what the consequences or flying objects. 

I'm sure the other ladies on the panel have written some great intro on their blogs. 

*sighs as she presses back of hand to forehead dramatically*

But I'm exhausted after our royal Olympic events at our castle this evening. 

I took one gold medal in Uno. 

The youngest prince took Gold in our dance off by doing "The Running Man." 

Big Poppa Prince was disappointed he had to settle for the silver and I'm sure Supah will be mad she didn't qualify for the finals. But she was disqualified by the Russian judge, Katarina aka Karma.

My other little princelet got his gold for eating left over mystery food (I wouldn't tell him what it was) from PF Changs. 

These medals lead me to this week's topic...

The Olympics
Do you like the Olympics? 
Do you watch? Do you even care? 
I bet when you were younger you went to Olympic parties and played drinking games leading up to the different events.
NOt me.
I was a good girl. 
I mean I AM a good girl!! Shut up.
I’m not really one to get too excited when the Olympics come around. Summer or Winter. Though if I were forced by gun point the prince to watch one or the other, I would probably pick summer. Most likely because it would mean it was summertime instead of wintertime...which would make me very happy. 
It might surprise you to know that I am not a big Olympics fan even though a nurse ASKED ME IF I WAS AN ATHLETE this week. Yes I’m still bragging about that.
I mean, I enjoy college football...any sport my boys play...and anything I get to watch in person. 

I’m even including golf in that mix since I got to go to the Masters one time andTiger Woods looked at me and smiled for a brief second, but I’m no longer excited about that since he was probably just looking at a hooker behind me. I also watched Kevin Costner and Jack Wagner play in a charity tournament once. (Something tells me MIITB will have to wiki Jack Wagner.)
I will admit that I quite enjoyed watching Michael Phelps win the gold by a fraction of a millisecond. I was accidentally watching that event, but was glad I did. 
It was kind of like the time we accidentally watched the women’s team win the World Cup in soccer that year with Mia Hamm and company or the day I happened to be in front to the TV when Dale Sr. went head first into the wall. It’s not like we ever normally watch soccer. (Unless my son is playing against my wishes.) And I certainly DO NOT ever normally watch Nascar! I would rather pluck my eyelashes off one by one...which I’m sure I would immediately regret, but still.....
So basically, the only value I see in the winter Olympics is that I have another picture to put on my fridge to keep me from eating ice cream. 

My "Motivational Posters"

Photo: Robyn Beck, AFP/Getty Images

Photo courtesy of my friend at Life in a Blue Zoo 
taken by her equally gorgeous sister at my request
If you want to see more of her, click her hiney. 
No really, go ahead and click. She won't mind. 
Tell her Princess sent you. :)

How do you feel about the Olympics? Do you watch?

Give us your Skew on it, grab our button and link up.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What I Meant to Say - 7th Edition

Chief is out on town boozing it up drinking diet Dr. Pepper flirting with the gay waiters in hopes of scoring an extra dessert hanging out on the lido deck writing blog posts in her head swimming with the dolphins on her cruise. But that's no excuse not to have fun while she's away. That's right boys and girls! We can still have fun with....

Want to join in the fun? Just write your post and then click the tag to link up. Meet new friends in this opportunity for group griping therapy. Oh, and Chief promised to bring back a bottle of rum pretty sea shell for everyone who participates this week. 


When we were at the grocery store last week, the bag boy noticed my husband’s conference championship ring. 
Bag Boy: "Wow. That’s cool!"
Prince: "It’s from the last time we won the conference championship."
BB: "Man. I don’t even remember when that was."
Prince: "It was back in 1991."
BB: "Oh, yeah...I wasn’t born yet."
Cashier chimes in: "Me neither."
What I said: "Oh, you young kids are making me feel old."
What I meant to say: "Listen here you pimply faced hormonal mall rats...shut it before I call your mom and get your curfew changed to 9:00 pm."

When I went to the doctor for UTI general check up, the nurse took my pulse and said, 
Nurse: “Wow. Are you an athlete or something?”
Me: *insert puzzled look* “ But I married one and I had lunch with LL Buff Chick last week. Why?”
Nurse: “Your pulse is very strong.”
What I said: “Oh really? Hmm. Ok...great.”
What I meant to say:  “Really? You asked me if I was an ATHLETE?! Weren’t you the one who just took my weight today right after VALENTINES weekend? Is it opposite day? Is this Candid Camera? (Do you youngins even know what that is?) I love you so much! Will you marry me?” *kissy kissy*

Oh wait...that marriage proposal was totally inappropriate. But she has no idea how happy that made me considering the “milestone” birthday I will be avoiding in a few weeks and the Jack and Jill grocery duo who felt it necessary to snicker about not being born when we were in college.

Ok, you guys know the drill. Tell us what YOU meant to say and then link up. Go visit some of the other linker uppers too.

Post It Notes: Edition #14

And now....we bring you another edition of Post It Note Tuesdays!

If you want to join on Supah's Post It below to find out how.

Don't forget "The Skew"

The Olympics.  Does anyone even give a "skate?"  What's your Skew.  Link up on Thursday! 

Monday, February 15, 2010

This Time I am NOT a TEASE!

I had an awesome Valentine's weekend complete with our first (and probably only) snow of the year, basketball games (1 kid won, other kid lost), Nana and Papa took the boys for the rest of the weekend, dinner, movie, Sunday lunch, and peace and quiet. Ahhhh...all is well with the world. 

As I was waiting for the prince to park the truck and join me in waiting for a table at a swanky downtown restaurant on Sunday, I saw something that caught my eye. I thought to myself, "Blog material! I must get a picture!" 

But if you've been reading me for a while, you already know I don't have much luck when it comes to capturing the moment with my camera! If you are a newbie, see examples of my epic fails here and here.

But this time, boys and girls.....I GOT IT!! 

*insert raucous applause and whistling*

That's right...the old toilet paper on the shoe schtick. 

I WAS however, nearly busted AGAIN! I didn't even consider that it was dark and that the FLASH would give me away! 

I played it off and didn't look at them when they stared at me. If they had confronted me on it, I was planning to tell them I was a moron and trying to learn how to text on my new (not really) phone. Luckily for me, right at the same time I was taking the flash photography...MIITB texted me. So I had a legit false alibi with that story. 

And I knew I had the women in their party on my side because I caught them being envious of my furilicious boots when I walked in. (Chicks will ditch anyone for awesome shoes.) I did manage to get another pic without the flash. The first pic didn't show you how ridonkulously long the toilet paper was!

There was, however, one other pic I wish I had gotten. While we were finishing up our lunch, the owner came over and turned on a nearby flat screen. He asked if we all wanted to watch the Olympics. The table of little old ladies requested Nascar. (Dear Lord please shoot me.) 

I didn't really think much of it at the time...since I live in the South, it's something I deal with quite a bit. Everyone around here loves Nascar...except for me...and maybe 3 other people. (Though I'm still searching for them.) 

I couldn't see the people at that table very well until they got up to leave. I was shocked to see the little old ladies file by in their FULL LENGTH MINK COATS and their botoxed faces wearing their diamonds and pearls! Not your typical Nascar crowd!!!! 

Welcome to my town.