New Jersey Nuts

New Jersey has to be the most entertaining state on the map right now. Between Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, etc. I'm betting all the residents of NJ would prefer to have The Sopranos to come back. You know, the classy New Jersey show. To all my New Jersey peeps...don't worry...we know it's not an accurate depiction of New Jersey life. But it's someone else's turn to be the butt of jokes. The South is passing on that role to you. You. Are. Welcome.

I am thoroughly devastated that RHONJ is over. It was a cinematic masterpiece....of train wreck TV. What made it so trashy delicious? Danielle. I'm sure she will win all kinds of porn awards emmys this year for best skanky hoochie villian.

As a stay at home mom psychotherapist, it is a diagnostic dream to watch her. I am sure Danielle is used in psychology program case studies all over the world when students are learning to diagnose pure crazy serious mental illnesses. In fact, I'm sure they will have to come up with a new one that will encompass all the crazy into one simple line. It would be something like General Wackadoodle, Complete Crackhead, Needs a Check Up from the Neck Up, Full On Fruitcake with a secondary diagnosis of Broke Hooker.

It amazed me how her reality was COMPLETELY different from EVERYONE ELSE'S. I wondered if she was even there in the room when everything was happening. Perhaps she was a hologram or some kind of Disney Pixar magic instead. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with. Danielle was the master of turning a simple comment about absolutely nothing into a specific death threat or intent to cause bodily harm.

Did you see the women she accused of threatening her? They look like the kind of women who might be able to take you down at a cupcake decorating class or a queso eating contest. The only thing Danielle needs to worry about or to keep an eye on is her Tostitos. I'm pretty sure her children are safe unless they are holding cupcakes.

The thing that really killed me was the reunion show. Danielle sat there playing the part of the victim of all their abuse, when IN REALITY she started the whole thing. After months of her telling lies about the other women and slandering them every chance she got, she acted all innocent when they angrily confronted her about it. She denied everything...even though it is all on film and sex tapes.

She claimed that everyone just misunderstood her blatant threats and vicious insults remarks. She pushed the women to the point where it was impossible for them to contain their rage. People can only take so much before they snap. I'm a generally calm and docile princess....yet I had the overwhelming urge to jump through the TV screen and yank her other hair extensions off her craze balls head myself. (Might have been the HD signal that made me feel like it was a viable possibility.)

And Kim G. *insert shaking head* Lawd have mercy. She tried to pretend to be the the Switzerland of the show, but in reality she was the snooty, holier than thou, spineless, I'm friendly with you only if you can do something for me, two faced) France.

 I have no clue how Danielle managed to get a handful of sheep so many people to believe her and feel sorry for her. Poor liar victim, Danielle. They must have missed some of the episodes....you know the ones where Danielle opened her mouth.

When Danielle apologized to Jaqueline and Teresa....complete with a full on, lingering molestation hug with Jaqueline...did anyone else roll their eyes and think, "I've heard this lie before!"

I mean seriously, do you know anyone in your life like Danielle who is this out of touch with reality? Yeah, me too. *Insert nervous laughter. Makes eye contact with readers who relate. Updates life insurance policy.*