My boys would trade me in for this guy so quick....

I think my kids would want this guy to be their room mom if they saw the Halloween fun he created on the Ellen show. Thankfully they were outside playing football with the neighbors when it came on!

Public Service Announcement....

Ummmm.....for those of you who are

YELLING

at me to write a new post....

Let me remind you that I do not get paid to blog....sadly....cuz that would be my dream job. Either that or watching TV....

...it's a total toss up.

The past two weeks have been CRAZY for us. 

And by "us," I mean me. 


I actually asked the doctor's office if they had a punchcard for frequent visitors. You know....the "10th visit is free" kind of thing. 


I think it's the least they can do when you have to sit in the horribly uncomfortable, germ infested waiting room for an hour before you get back to the exam room. It's really hard to sit in waiting room chairs with wooden arms holding your 82 lb. 8-year-old sickasadog son in your lap. (He's no lap dog anymore.) 

Not to mention you walk in to be seen for a hangnail or such and walk out with malaria or scarlet fever before you escape the front door. 


Word of advice to inconsiderate mothers.....DO NOT let your hacking, wheezing, fever riddled child sit in the well child area because you don't want to run the risk of your child getting anything worse than what he or she already has. (You wouldn't believe how many obviously sick kids I saw sitting on the well side!)

THERE ARE NEWBORN BABIES OVER THERE!!!! 

Don't you remember when you had a newborn? Don't you recall that "newborn" trumps EVERYTHING else?! Poor little defenseless newborns.....have to make several well visits to the doc early on in the first few months of life....only to be constantly exposed to the dangers of other little kids.


If you have a sick child and are worried (as we all are) about catching more than you came in with, just find a faraway corner of the sick waiting and hole yourself up there. Carry a trial size can of lysol with you and spray a protective bubble around you....forming a pretend force field that will make you feel better mentally, but probably does you no good in reality. 

Get out your bottle of hand sanitizer and wipe down every square millimeter of exposed skin. Put on your face mask and hold your breath. 

If you must breathe (wimp)....run for the front door...open it with your elbow....and take a deep breath. Return to your seat in the corner. Rinse and repeat. 


This has been my public service announcement for the week.

Everyone have a great and SAFE Halloween!!!

Another installment of Post It Tuesday...the Nurse Chronicles...

So......two boys with the flu....


One last week....another this week.....


....equals one stir crazy Princess.

(How cute is he?)

Do it....you know you wanna! 

Make your own post its....

...or at the very least, click on the last post it and go to the linky thing to see other funny post it bloggers. If you don't, I can't guarantee your safety...

The Doctor is In - Free BLeRApy

Welcome visitors!  




I am hosting an anyonymous post for 
bLerApy © day 
Hosted by 


Princess of Sarcasm and SupahMommy


*Please remember that the post for today is written by an anonymous blogger and not by myself.  The views, ideas and opinions  expressed are exclusively the anony-bloggers.  






After you read today's bLerApy© post:  please feel free to snoop around my blog.  Here's a post you might like!  


CLICK HERE!!!! Especially if you think having to shop for jeans is "of the devil"... 



I hope to see you again. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Things I Would Never Type

Here goes nothing…

Of Mice and In-laws

Dearest MIL,

  We were all devastated and crushed when your daughter passed away in that tragic car accident two years ago.  We were even more devastated that she had left behind a seven year old.  I imagine it must have been a blow for you having to raise another child after you were already done with both of yours.  But for the love of Pete (who the Hell is Pete, anyway?), just because her mommy died is no excuse to allow her to get away with murder.  There is no need for a ten year old to have a laptop or a cell phone.  I didn’t get any of those things until I was able to pay for them myself.  The over-priced Catholic school she goes to said that every student in her grade level needs to bring a laptop with them?  Maybe it’s time to invest (so to speak) in public education.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Your children are hurt, by the way, when you mention that your grandkid is worth it.  Makes them feel like they weren't worth it.

Back to the whole discipline thing, just because mommy is gone does not mean that there should be no barriers and that she should be allowed to get away with everything because of your guilt.  One of these days, she’s going to grow up and realize that everything doesn’t come on a silver platter and life is going to bitch slap her in the face and give her a very rude awakening.  I’m not saying don’t spoil her, I’m just saying discipline her.  It’s for her own good.  Ever notice how she never acts a fool at my house?  That’s because limits are set, expectations are delineated, and consequences are followed through with… And I don’t have children of my own!  I have a sister I practically helped raise who still fears me more than she fears my mother, a nephew who worships the ground I walk on, and dogs.  Dogs who are more obedient than your precious granddaughter.

 Please don’t set her up for failure.

Of “Friends” and Things

Dear “Friend”,

Asking us all to attend your first “secret” wedding and keep that secret for you for two years so that you could have a church wedding too was pretty messed up of you.  It’s not like you have your own place to put all the presents you’re gonna get (more on that later).  To ask people to keep that kind of secret from both of your families was very unjust and put us all into a terrible situation.  Especially if you yourself, Ms. Bridezilla, aren’t good at keeping a secret.  When you go around thinking your being “sneaky” with your comments when you don’t have a sneaky bone in your body is just a combination for disaster.  The fact that it slipped from my lips, once a member of his family said that they already knew, and I confirmed was inevitable.  Especially soaked in alcohol.  I apologize, I probably should have just said ‘no’.  But I didn’t.  Oh well.  It was a situation doomed to fail from the start.  In all fairness, she had said she already knew so I didn’t think I was divulging anything that wasn’t already known as fact.  Damn me again for being so gullible all the time.  Maybe you should have waited for my ride to get there and maybe none of this would have happened.  LOL!  Passive aggressive attention whore primadonna with a splash of diva, shaken not stirred, extra dirty?  Yes.  I just found a loophole to make myself feel better.

Now that I’m on a roll… Move the Hell out of your parents’ house.  You are a grown ass woman.  Your husband is a grown ass man (so to speak).  There is no reason to be living under mommy and daddy’s roof anymore.  You’re both adults.  Why don’t you try making it on your own?  (Note to MIL: This is what happens when you give kids everything.)  There is no reason why your parents, who are trying to raise your two younger siblings, should be raising you and your husband as well.  There is no reason your mom should get up and make his ass breakfast.  That’s your job.  Screw it, it’s his job too.  When you do (if ever) get your own place, I hope you don't crash and burn because you've never been on your own.  It's actually harder than it looks.

By the way, your husband and soon to be husband again, is completely miserable with you.  He complains to me all the time about how his life sucks and how he doesn’t know why or how he puts up with you.  (Frankly, I don’t know why the rest of us put up with you either… You are Drama with a capital ‘D’.)  He’s actually has the “hots” (for a long time now actually) for your best friend and has confided in me with the whole situation.  He constantly looks at her and thinks “what if?” and “do I have chance?”.  How's that for not being able to keep a secret?

How’s that for stuff I would never post in my own blog?

____________________________________________________________

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Blog Therapy= bLerApy©

coined by Princess

Did you miss out on bLerApy©?  

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November  6th 2009.  

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November 4th 12 midnight.   

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The Princess and the Pack Mule

A couple of weeks while the Prince was in Texas......I had my hands full.......LITERALLY!!


We had lots of running around to do....going to and fro. School, soccer, baseball, school, school, school, doctor, school, soccer, baseball, baseball and some other boring stuff like errands scattered in between.


The running around doesn't bug me so much....but the "toting all the crap around" does.


ESPECIALLY when it involves baseball. I carry two backpacks...one for my camera gear, another backpack with game ball, permanent marker, cell phone, candy and gold dollars for player awards, two freshly sharpened pencils, umbrella just in case (to keep my camera dry), the gianormous score book the Prince bought this season, my camera with the "NASA" lens I rented for a month, and a water bottle.

This week I had to add some of the baseball gear the Prince usually carries to my pack mule....and by pack mule, I mean me.

So we are running back and forth from the soccer fields to the baseball fields because, of course, my youngest heir has two games that overlap. We make a quick stop at the suburban to do the quick change from soccer uniform to baseball. (A whole other blog for another day!!)


And then here I am, struggling to drag all my crap from one side of the complex to the other when both my sweet and thoughtful heirs say, "Mom, can you carry this?" Holding up their water bottles and bat bag....

What do I look like? An octopus?!?!

<a href="http://princessofsarcasm.blogspot.com/2009/10/ver-wish-you-didnt-have-to-filter-what.html"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s27/dperry_2007/blerapy-1.jpg"/></a>

By Popular Demand...and as part of my desensitization therapy...

Some of you will remember that the Prince was recently on a week long trip half way across the country recently. I'm used to him being out of town for work, but usually just for a day or two at a time. 


When he is gone, I CANNOT SLEEP. It's awful. I stay up until 1:00 or so and wake up every hour on the hour (or more) hearing every real and imagined creak in our wood floors. 


My imagination gets rolling and I start thinking about some scary, awful person who obviously snuck into our basement and has been hiding out.....just waiting to unleash his mayhem in our sleep. I, the princess, am solely responsible for protecting the kingdom....for making sure there are heirs to keep our royal line alive. 


When the prince is here and I hear the same noises, I simply roll back over and fall asleep. So, needless to say, by the end of the week....I am a walking zombie. 


Saturday rolls around. It is one more day until the Prince flies his royal plane home. My littlest heir has a soccer game at 10:00 with team pictures right before. Then both heirs have a baseball game at 10:45. So off we dash to 


takepicturesplaypartofasoccergamechangeuniforminparkinglot

*take deep breath and continue*

graballtheteambaseballequipmentbecausetheprinceistheheadcoachbutnotheretocarryallthejunkandheadedofftoplaybaseball.


Right after the game, we hop into the chariot and rush off to my parent's house (45 minutes away). I come to a rolling stop before blowing kisses at the boys and shoving them with their bags out the passenger side. 


I scurry to my friend Serena's daughter's cheerleading competition to take pictures. (That is a WHOLE nother world my friends.) After the competition, I drive home...freshen my makeup...brush my skanky teeth...and head out with my friend Peaches in search off the least hideous perfect pair of jeans. By the end of the night I was just plain pooped! I was too tired to join my friends at Witches Night Out. (Endured lots of peer pressure and bullying via text messages.) 


Stay with me people....I'm getting to the good part....


So by the end of the day, the princess is BEYOND exhausted. A weeks worth of no sleep and a crazy, rushed day of activity will do it to a person.


I was passed out shortly after 10:00 pm. We're talking major REM sleep...borderline comatose. My body was desperate. 


Around 2:00 am, I felt my sleeve flutter just a bit and something tickle up my arm. It startled me awake and I slapped at my arm. But I was so groggy I wasn't even sure if it was real. I didn't feel anything after I was fully awake. But since I was up....I decided to go to the potty. 


So there I sit. 


In the pitch black. 


Still exhausted. 


Thinking I was so tired I had started hallucinating. 


And then it happened......


I felt a searing stinging bite on my shoulder. 


It hurt. Felt like fire. Let me just say that it is a stroke of luck that there were no cameras, to my knowledge, that were in my bathroom. 


I flipped the light on and jerked my shirt off in what would surely be considered Guiness Book of World Record time. I started slapping at my back until I heard a "plop." 


Freeze. 


Something big enough to make a "plop" fell into the toilet....off my back. I jumped up and looked in. 

OOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG!

This is what I saw (except mine was black).......(click here for more info about centipedes.) 

Disgusting! Horrifying! Scream curdling! Panic inducing!

After taking a few moments to carefully study the five inch long creature so that I could go to my boyfriend, otherwise known as Google, to identify it for sure and see if I was going to die, I flushed that monster down the toilet....at least 38 flushes. 


I hope you like your new home, creepy crawler that likes to dine on princess flesh....


So try to go to sleep again after that! All alone in my house..... 


And the Post Traumatic Stress is not over. The burning lasted a couple of days...the ribbing from friends who saw my 2:00 am post on FaceBook lasted longer. 


The prince laughs at me when I freak out and start slapping around the covers whenever I feel the slightest of movement. (Poor jump drive that was sitting on my stomach while I was working on the laptop. If it hadn't slid off my tummy and created such a ruckus, it might still be alive. RIP jump drive.)

Post-It Notes...Again.

It's Tuesday! 

And if you have been following my blog, you know what that means. All the cool kids are doing it...and yes, if they all jumped off a blog bridge, I would too! SupahMommy told me I had to do it...and I always do what Mommy says. Click here to check it out. You can make your own post-its or see other blogger's post-its who are participating in the linky thing.

And it's not just for bloggers anymore....

Check out this real life post-it from my oldest princeling's teacher I found in his homework agenda...I think she's making fun of me and my "pet" centipede. 

*popping anti-anxiety medication* 

She's also giving my blog friend SupahMommy a shout out. Woot woot!

She's so funny....and young. 

*sigh* 

And since we work on the brownie point system....

SHE IS SO AWESOME!!! 

*winky face* 

Except I really mean it. She IS awesome. 

((hugs))

OK....now that I'm finished sucking up singing the Post-It Teacher's praises....here are MY post-its for today.

<a href="http://princessofsarcasm.blogspot.com/2009/10/ver-wish-you-didnt-have-to-filter-what.html"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s27/dperry_2007/blerapy-1.jpg"/></a>

Celebrity Look-a-Likes...Guess who?

Who do these two little cutie pies look like?

You are correct!!!!

But these boys are MUCH nicer.....and relevant....and interesting....

However, the one in the top picture is as whiny as her ex.... 

He's only five years old....not sure what Jon's excuse is....

<a href="http://princessofsarcasm.blogspot.com/2009/10/ver-wish-you-didnt-have-to-filter-what.html"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s27/dperry_2007/blerapy-1.jpg"/></a>

Ever wish you didn't have to filter what you say?

Well, do WE have the answer for YOU!!

Extra Extra Read all About it...

Princess of Sarcasm and SupahMommy 

have DONE IT!

Not that! This!

Do you have a post that you've been dying to write... but simply can't, because your husband will divorce you, your skeletons are scurry, your MIL will hurt you or you'll get fired...your heart is aching....for one reason or another. 

Now you can.

Blog Therapy= BLeRApy©

coined by Princess

1. write an anonymous post - 

submit it to 

supahmommy@gmail.com 

or 

princessofsarcasm@live.com

* tagline - BLERAPY POST

( all posts will remain anonymous and all confidences will be assuredly kept)

...unless you murdered someone or did something illegal

DON'T SEND THAT KINDA STUFF - please. 

We'll shut our eyes and send it RIGHT BACK . 

2. be a host - 

if you wrote a post , we need you to host

you will be sent someone else's anonymous post to showcase on your blog

these anony-musings need a safe home

* do not sign up if you cannot handle content that may or may not be your style

3. clear your Friday October 23rd, blog post calendar. 

This will be our first day of Blerapy© This will be the day that you "host a post. "  There will be a MR. Linky on supah and princess's blog... that showcases all blogs hosting a post. You can spend all day reading every one's Anony-musings... as well as look for yours. and * giggle

4. All submissions must be received by 

Wednesday , 12 midnight October 21st.

You will receive your "host a post." by Thursday October 22nd.

Any questions: email supahmommy@gmail.com 


We're giving it a whirl in hopes that this will answer the prayer for " a place to vent."
If it is successful.. we'll try it every two weeks... and then perhaps we'll create a blog space JUST for BLerAPy©.

My Halloweenies

So lots of people have been looking for ideas for Halloween costumes. I've had a few good ones from time to time. (At least in my mind.) Though my boys much prefer all that store bought crap. I thought I would post a few ideas you might enjoy. If you're not enjoying them....go ahead and scroll to the bottom. I saved the best for last!!!

Here's my Lil' Punkin...

And my own personal superheroes who saved me from a life of not being a MOMMY!

Cat in the Hat 
This was made with a black sweatsuit, faux fur, fabric glue, and eye liner.....real easy. I bought the hat from a costume shop. I think it came with gloves, but he wouldn't wear them.

Fireman
This was a cool fireman raincoat I bought from the Carter's outlet store, rubber rain boots from Target, fireman's hat, and cardboard box turned into firetruck with paint, markers, foam paper, tin foil, and ribbon. The boys STILL play with it.

Cowboy
This outfit was worn by both boys. My youngest...the one in this picture was NOT friendly with the camera at this age. Getting him to stop and look was impossible. I don't have pics of my oldest in this outfit on the computer...and I'm too lazy to go dig it up out of one of umpteen boxes and scan it. My mom made the vest out of faux fur. Hat was a cheapie from Walmart. The sheriff's badge was from a trip to San Antonio. I highly encourage going to San Antonio to get the badge. Any other badge just wouldn't look right. And I think I should go with you as your chaperone. Just sayin'.....

Store bought.....snooze.
But the boys were thrilled. The good thing is that my youngest actually got the Darth Vader costume for potty training a few months earlier. (Yay for potty training!)

German soldier and Indiana Jones
German soldier was made from stuff I already had at home....yay! The leather coat came from ebay, fedora from Target...mens department, foam whip from Target, toy guns from toy box. Voilla! I had to include a pic of the boys friends...Mario and Luigi. You can make this costume with overalls, t-shirt, fake moustache, felt letter on the hat, and garden gloves. Too cute!

These two pictures are of face painting from a festival...but super cute. I thought about doing something like this for Halloween this year...but like I said, the boys want some boring store bought costume. *insert disappointed face*

THIS is my favorite costume......EVAH!!
I am a retired Hooters waitress and the Prince is Larry the Cable Guy. Please note that my badonkadonk is enhanced with pillow stuffing. It's big in real life....just not quite THAT big....