Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Royal Quest

So the Princess has been on a quest.......a very unpleasant quest. 

Fall brings about an event almost as terrify as for the perfect pair of jeans. It is only trumped by the ever fun "Shopping for swimsuit." 

Both of these quests make me want to slice my wrists (but quickly cover them with bandages and call 911) or more realistically....schedule an appointment to look in to lipo (and a boob job, and botox, or a facelift, tummy tuck, treatment for varicose veins, laser resurfacing, porcelain veneers, permanent hair removal.) 

Ooops, sorry....I got a little off track.

I posted my mission on my facebook status and got lots of feedback on where to go to find the most perfect pair of jeans......from a bunch of skinny girls. 

**delete skinny girls** 

I mean, I love my skinny girlfriends and all...but I am not going to be able to squeeze myself into their jeans without looking like a big, fat sausage roll!! 

(I am also NEVER going to the waterpark with my friend Serena again....dang, guuurl looks HOT in a bikini!!!)

Okay, sorry...a little off track again. 

*looking for Ritalin*

So ANYWAY....I trekked off by myself for three days. I came home with no jeans and ate oreos got on the eliptical machine. I was also treated like a shoplifter for the first time in my life!!!!!!! princess...


Okay, well there was this one time when I was a kid, but it was totally and accident....and it was only Hubba Bubba. 

I had it in my hand when my mom was checking out and forgot about it. I found it in the pocket of my jacket when we got home. I felt awful and went back later and paid them for it. 

Oh, oops, and this other time more recently when I went to my cousin's store

>>>>>>>TIGERTOWN GRAPHICS<<<<<<<< 

to buy t-shirts for our Texas family for our trip to Disney. I forgot about the t-shirt I had thrown over my shoulder while looking through their amazing selection of merchandise. The sweet lady checking me out didn't even see it. I didn't notice it until I was in my car heading to pick up my littlest heir from preschool. I called back immediately and sent them a check. 

But besides those two incidents.....I  HAVE NEVER SHOPLIFTED IN MY LIFE!!

Back to jeans shopping.....on day FOUR of my mission, I decided to take friend Peaches. (She's tough on the outside, but surprisingly sweet in the middle....'til you get to the bitter seed down deep.) Kidding!!! I love my friend Peaches. She totally rocks. 

So Peaches and the Princess roll up to the mall. (Cuz that's where all the hip princesses shop.) We begin our quest for the perfect pair. A few stores later, we end up in a place that is way too hip for a couple of mid to late 30's 29 year olds. The kid that comes up to help us is a 20 something WAY SKINNY dude with piercings galore. I was looking at him thinking, "Yeah, are going to be able to look at me and tell me what kind of jeans will look best on me. Pssshhh. Next." 

He asked me was important to me in a jean. I replied, "I want to look two sizes smaller." He asked me what size I was. I punched him in the face told him a size 2. 

Whatevah....this is MY story. I can tell it like I want!!!

He was very patient...brought us at least 100 pairs of jeans. And for once, I don't think I am grossly exaggerating. Okay...maybe 98 pairs, but it was close. Peaches and I both walked out of the store happy with our find. I realized my problem is not the jeans, but the genes...thanks Grandma! (RIP)

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go do some research on plastic surgeons....


Shell said...

Good luck! I found a pair of Gap premium flare jeans at the outlets that fit well.

Not as nice as the True Religion jeans I tried on several months ago. Those things are freaking awesome. I looked like I never had kids. I can't justify the $250-300 price tag, much as I'd love to.

JennyMac said...

I stole a pack of gum once..hubba bubba too. I was TERRIFIED. My Dad was a policeman.

Your post cracked me up. Love your sense of humor.

Sabrina said...

Which find were you happy with...the jeans or the pierced kid?!

mel said...


SupahMommy said...

so what did cessy end up with?

i vote a pair of skinny jeans to wear with some awesome.ness boots.


and a piercing.

susancy said...

Which store was it??

Princess of Sarcasm said...

The store was Buckle. I like them....but midrise at Buckle means LOWrise to me. I'll have to lose a few pounds....or refrain from sitting down to avoid the muffin top issue. Or maybe I'll just wear a bunch of baggy sweaters from now on. :)

Dolly said...

uh umm.... "mid" to late 30's???

Erin said...

I knew it was Buckle!! They won't let you leave without a pair!! Congrats!!

amybagwell said...

Um...I just wet my pants....when is the unveiling? Halloween?

Anonymous said...

Who gave you permission to use my picture (jeans)?

Serena said...

Don't worry Serena isn't going to that nasty waterpark again, but she will go to the caribbean.
I will have to try Buckle out.

Princess of Sarcasm said...

Dolly....Bite me. :) Refer back to the "'s MY story" part.

Erin....have you missed me on facebook since I deleted you? ;)

Amy...if I can find a baggy sweater, I may unveil them tomorrow at the school.

Anony Mouse....yo mama.

Serena....set a date!!

SupahMommy said...

that wasn't me.

who is stealing my anon- y- must?? gig?

that is a coveted position.

Princess of Sarcasm said...

I knew it wasn't you Supah....they used correct grammar, spelling, and capitalization....dead giveaway.

kyslp said...

I never ask a skinny girl for advice on anything. Oh, maybe on the best way to make myself throw up.

Does Gap still make the low rise curvy jeans? Those worked for me once upon a time. I went shopping Sat. and all I saw was skinny jeans. I didn't even try them on. Too scairt - and fat.

Princess of Sarcasm said...

kslp....I bought a pair of skinny jeans at Gap a few weeks ago...but I bought them a size up. They said on the Today Show that skinny jeans aren't just for skinny girls....but I'm still not completely convinced. And yes, Gap still makes the curvy.

Peaches said...

Serena...count me in! Must celebrate her "hienie"ness' thirtieth!!

Princess of Sarcasm said...

Hearts for Peaches......... :)

SupahMommy said...

i want a link to that today show gig.
and who needs spelling proper froperness.

what .ev.

SupahMommy said...

it's midnight .
where is you new posty.
going to take my drunk dead soul to bed!~
it's been fun

i'll bring the oreos next time

Stacey said...

I'm laughing right now as much at your shopping spree as I am at Supah's above comment. Too funny.

Stacey said...

Oh- am now one of your newest groupies. :)


found you from erin at mother load - and buying jeans after your second pregnancy is quite possibly more painful than labor itself - yuck

Anonymous said...

i got it when you said "buy t-shirts for our Texas family for our trip to Disney" LOVE the blog aunt kim, wait,"Princess"

Jacob Kunz