Fall brings about an event almost as terrify as Spring....shopping for the perfect pair of jeans. It is only trumped by the ever fun "Shopping for swimsuit."
Both of these quests make me want to slice my wrists (but quickly cover them with bandages and call 911) or more realistically....schedule an appointment to look in to lipo (and a boob job, and botox, or a facelift, tummy tuck, treatment for varicose veins, laser resurfacing, porcelain veneers, permanent hair removal.)
Ooops, sorry....I got a little off track.
I posted my mission on my facebook status and got lots of feedback on where to go to find the most perfect pair of jeans......from a bunch of skinny girls.
**delete skinny girls**
I mean, I love my skinny girlfriends and all...but I am not going to be able to squeeze myself into their jeans without looking like a big, fat sausage roll!!
(I am also NEVER going to the waterpark with my friend Serena again....dang, guuurl looks HOT in a bikini!!!)
Okay, sorry...a little off track again.
*looking for Ritalin*
So ANYWAY....I trekked off by myself for three days. I came home with no jeans and ate oreos got on the eliptical machine. I was also treated like a shoplifter for the first time in my life!!!!!!! Seriously...me...a princess...
I HAVE NEVER SHOPLIFTED IN MY LIFE!!!
Okay, well there was this one time when I was a kid, but it was totally and accident....and it was only Hubba Bubba.
I had it in my hand when my mom was checking out and forgot about it. I found it in the pocket of my jacket when we got home. I felt awful and went back later and paid them for it.
Oh, oops, and this other time more recently when I went to my cousin's store
to buy t-shirts for our Texas family for our trip to Disney. I forgot about the t-shirt I had thrown over my shoulder while looking through their amazing selection of merchandise. The sweet lady checking me out didn't even see it. I didn't notice it until I was in my car heading to pick up my littlest heir from preschool. I called back immediately and sent them a check.
But besides those two incidents.....I HAVE NEVER SHOPLIFTED IN MY LIFE!!
Back to jeans shopping.....on day FOUR of my mission, I decided to take reinforcements...my friend Peaches. (She's tough on the outside, but surprisingly sweet in the middle....'til you get to the bitter seed down deep.) Kidding!!! I love my friend Peaches. She totally rocks.
So Peaches and the Princess roll up to the mall. (Cuz that's where all the hip princesses shop.) We begin our quest for the perfect pair. A few stores later, we end up in a place that is way too hip for a couple of mid to late 30's 29 year olds. The kid that comes up to help us is a 20 something WAY SKINNY dude with piercings galore. I was looking at him thinking, "Yeah, right....you are going to be able to look at me and tell me what kind of jeans will look best on me. Pssshhh. Next."
He asked me was important to me in a jean. I replied, "I want to look two sizes smaller." He asked me what size I was. I punched him in the face told him a size 2.
Whatevah....this is MY story. I can tell it like I want!!!
He was very patient...brought us at least 100 pairs of jeans. And for once, I don't think I am grossly exaggerating. Okay...maybe 98 pairs, but it was close. Peaches and I both walked out of the store happy with our find. I realized my problem is not the jeans, but the genes...thanks Grandma! (RIP)
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go do some research on plastic surgeons....