Wednesday, October 21, 2009

By Popular Demand...and as part of my desensitization therapy...





Some of you will remember that the Prince was recently on a week long trip half way across the country recently. I'm used to him being out of town for work, but usually just for a day or two at a time. 


When he is gone, I CANNOT SLEEP. It's awful. I stay up until 1:00 or so and wake up every hour on the hour (or more) hearing every real and imagined creak in our wood floors. 


My imagination gets rolling and I start thinking about some scary, awful person who obviously snuck into our basement and has been hiding out.....just waiting to unleash his mayhem in our sleep. I, the princess, am solely responsible for protecting the kingdom....for making sure there are heirs to keep our royal line alive. 


When the prince is here and I hear the same noises, I simply roll back over and fall asleep. So, needless to say, by the end of the week....I am a walking zombie. 


Saturday rolls around. It is one more day until the Prince flies his royal plane home. My littlest heir has a soccer game at 10:00 with team pictures right before. Then both heirs have a baseball game at 10:45. So off we dash to 


takepicturesplaypartofasoccergamechangeuniforminparkinglot


*take deep breath and continue*


graballtheteambaseballequipmentbecausetheprinceistheheadcoachbutnotheretocarryallthejunkandheadedofftoplaybaseball.


Right after the game, we hop into the chariot and rush off to my parent's house (45 minutes away). I come to a rolling stop before blowing kisses at the boys and shoving them with their bags out the passenger side. 


I scurry to my friend Serena's daughter's cheerleading competition to take pictures. (That is a WHOLE nother world my friends.) After the competition, I drive home...freshen my makeup...brush my skanky teeth...and head out with my friend Peaches in search off the least hideous perfect pair of jeans. By the end of the night I was just plain pooped! I was too tired to join my friends at Witches Night Out. (Endured lots of peer pressure and bullying via text messages.) 


Stay with me people....I'm getting to the good part....


So by the end of the day, the princess is BEYOND exhausted. A weeks worth of no sleep and a crazy, rushed day of activity will do it to a person.


I was passed out shortly after 10:00 pm. We're talking major REM sleep...borderline comatose. My body was desperate. 


Around 2:00 am, I felt my sleeve flutter just a bit and something tickle up my arm. It startled me awake and I slapped at my arm. But I was so groggy I wasn't even sure if it was real. I didn't feel anything after I was fully awake. But since I was up....I decided to go to the potty. 


So there I sit. 


In the pitch black. 


Still exhausted. 


Thinking I was so tired I had started hallucinating. 


And then it happened......


I felt a searing stinging bite on my shoulder. 


It hurt. Felt like fire. Let me just say that it is a stroke of luck that there were no cameras, to my knowledge, that were in my bathroom. 


I flipped the light on and jerked my shirt off in what would surely be considered Guiness Book of World Record time. I started slapping at my back until I heard a "plop." 


Freeze. 


Something big enough to make a "plop" fell into the toilet....off my back. I jumped up and looked in. 


OOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG!


This is what I saw (except mine was black).......(click here for more info about centipedes.) 











Disgusting! Horrifying! Scream curdling! Panic inducing!


After taking a few moments to carefully study the five inch long creature so that I could go to my boyfriend, otherwise known as Google, to identify it for sure and see if I was going to die, I flushed that monster down the toilet....at least 38 flushes. 


I hope you like your new home, creepy crawler that likes to dine on princess flesh....


So try to go to sleep again after that! All alone in my house..... 


And the Post Traumatic Stress is not over. The burning lasted a couple of days...the ribbing from friends who saw my 2:00 am post on FaceBook lasted longer. 


The prince laughs at me when I freak out and start slapping around the covers whenever I feel the slightest of movement. (Poor jump drive that was sitting on my stomach while I was working on the laptop. If it hadn't slid off my tummy and created such a ruckus, it might still be alive. RIP jump drive.)












17 comments:

Trying to keep up with 3 said...

Great story ! I knew of the attack via facebbook ,but never had heard the saga in great detail . lol . I was once attacked in the middle of the night but was not able to identify the attacker . Mine was some scorpion looking thing .

mel said...

Can't stop laughing - you write even better than you tell it! OOOPS - must visit the potty now, ugh...

Steven Anthony said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I had no idea they bite. ouch! I did laugh just a bit at your expense...sorry;)

Sabrina said...

I was SOOOOO wrong...the longer the delay, the MORE oooomph you gave the story, LOL!! BRAVO!

(I can NOT stop laughing at the mental picture of you destroying the poor jump drive with your bare hands!!!)

Anonymous said...

Hey! It's Christy! (chrispy) I love your blog! You are so funny. Yikes, bugs! Hate um.

Shell said...

I would have been screaming and no way would I have been able to go to sleep after that.

I get the same way when Hubs is out of town, btw. Which is really funny since he sleeps like the dead and even if he were home, I would be the one to hear any weird noises in the house. But, it's just knowing that he is there.

I'm trying to ignore the pic of the bug so that I don't get freaked out.

Tracie said...

My daughter (who is 6) had a similar reaction to yours just seeing the picture as she passed by the computer. I can just imagine if she found one alive in her bed.......or if I found one lol!

All the neighbors would be awakened after the prolonged scream that I would give out.

RIP jump drive. That will teach you to impersonate a centipede!

Princess of Sarcasm said...

I've put off posting this story because I wanted to post the story with that picture.....but it seriously made my skin crawl....again....*shudder* I had to wait until enough time had passed to be able to view it again. It still skeeves me out. I had to scroll past it at supersonic speed to post this comment. I'm glad I finally did it though. Maybe now I can get on with my life. LOL

kys said...

If that happened to me, I would never be able to sleep again unless I was medicated. OMG!!! Horrors!

CountessLaurie said...

TOTALLY GROSS! I may have to shower now. YUCK. Are these things common where you live? To find one here, it would have to be planted by the scary aweful person in the basement ...

SupahMommy said...

still get wilies

Kmama said...

That is TERRIBLE. Utterly terrible. Blood curdling screams would have come from me. Ugh.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Oooh. Terrifying. YUCK! And you woke up to that crawling on your skin. I am glad you gave it a burial at sea. EW!

One Cluttered Brain said...

You must try out vlogging. I've got a couple of posts up. My first was Friday the 13th...I could have looked in the camera more, it was my first time.
My second I joined up with EightMPH mom and did her monday mingle where you answer questions on a vlog. Video format and post it in your blog then link up on her site.

Next week's questions are about marriage. They are up already. Would your hubby join in on the fun? I am already thinking about a post to honor your presence on the web. I just found out about you on the web thanks to Supah mommy, you want more linky love? :) I'll give it to you.:)
Anyway...Try it out, costume and all. HEHE! people will LOVE you for sure.

Lisa said...

OMW! Mine was on the shoulder too! My hubby had been bit before and he lived but I was paranoid. It does burn like the dickens!

Brittney said...

OMG I would have freaked out too, in fact once the hubby and I and our friend was googling Alabama Spiders because I had seen one and wanted to know what it was ... after many images of disgusting bites & 8 legged little demons i turned the computer off & sat down. I then felt the most horrible burning/bite I had ever imagined I immediately bust into 2 year old having a fit in walmart tears I just knew I was going to die it was a spider it had to have been a spider! Im jumping up and down screaming, gigantic tears rolling down my face, there was nothing on my back but it was red & swollen.. then when we looked on the couch there it was.. an itty bitty honey bee had stung me! HUbby and his friend have never let me forget my hysterical tantrum. Hahaha~~

Helena said...

OH MY GOSH. This did NOT help.