Some of you will remember that the Prince was recently on a week long trip half way across the country recently. I'm used to him being out of town for work, but usually just for a day or two at a time.
When he is gone, I CANNOT SLEEP. It's awful. I stay up until 1:00 or so and wake up every hour on the hour (or more) hearing every real and imagined creak in our wood floors.
My imagination gets rolling and I start thinking about some scary, awful person who obviously snuck into our basement and has been hiding out.....just waiting to unleash his mayhem in our sleep. I, the princess, am solely responsible for protecting the kingdom....for making sure there are heirs to keep our royal line alive.
When the prince is here and I hear the same noises, I simply roll back over and fall asleep. So, needless to say, by the end of the week....I am a walking zombie.
Saturday rolls around. It is one more day until the Prince flies his royal plane home. My littlest heir has a soccer game at 10:00 with team pictures right before. Then both heirs have a baseball game at 10:45. So off we dash to
*take deep breath and continue*
Right after the game, we hop into the chariot and rush off to my parent's house (45 minutes away). I come to a rolling stop before blowing kisses at the boys and shoving them with their bags out the passenger side.
I scurry to my friend Serena's daughter's cheerleading competition to take pictures. (That is a WHOLE nother world my friends.) After the competition, I drive home...freshen my makeup...brush my skanky teeth...and head out with my friend Peaches in search off the least hideous perfect pair of jeans. By the end of the night I was just plain pooped! I was too tired to join my friends at Witches Night Out. (Endured lots of peer pressure and bullying via text messages.)
Stay with me people....I'm getting to the good part....
So by the end of the day, the princess is BEYOND exhausted. A weeks worth of no sleep and a crazy, rushed day of activity will do it to a person.
I was passed out shortly after 10:00 pm. We're talking major REM sleep...borderline comatose. My body was desperate.
Around 2:00 am, I felt my sleeve flutter just a bit and something tickle up my arm. It startled me awake and I slapped at my arm. But I was so groggy I wasn't even sure if it was real. I didn't feel anything after I was fully awake. But since I was up....I decided to go to the potty.
So there I sit.
In the pitch black.
Thinking I was so tired I had started hallucinating.
And then it happened......
I felt a searing stinging bite on my shoulder.
It hurt. Felt like fire. Let me just say that it is a stroke of luck that there were no cameras, to my knowledge, that were in my bathroom.
I flipped the light on and jerked my shirt off in what would surely be considered Guiness Book of World Record time. I started slapping at my back until I heard a "plop."
Something big enough to make a "plop" fell into the toilet....off my back. I jumped up and looked in.
This is what I saw (except mine was black).......(click here for more info about centipedes.)
Disgusting! Horrifying! Scream curdling! Panic inducing!
After taking a few moments to carefully study the five inch long creature so that I could go to my boyfriend, otherwise known as Google, to identify it for sure and see if I was going to die, I flushed that monster down the toilet....at least 38 flushes.
I hope you like your new home, creepy crawler that likes to dine on princess flesh....
So try to go to sleep again after that! All alone in my house.....
And the Post Traumatic Stress is not over. The burning lasted a couple of days...the ribbing from friends who saw my 2:00 am post on FaceBook lasted longer.
The prince laughs at me when I freak out and start slapping around the covers whenever I feel the slightest of movement. (Poor jump drive that was sitting on my stomach while I was working on the laptop. If it hadn't slid off my tummy and created such a ruckus, it might still be alive. RIP jump drive.)