Search Enginez

I got this new little thingy on my blog that lets me know where my hits are coming from.


It's kind of cool and I'm enjoying it, though I'm sure the novelty of it will wear off soon.


So while the prince is watching some show about murders and homicide and such....I decide to give it a gander.


Most of my hits come from blogger, twitter, or facebook.


Today there was one that looked a bit odd.


I hadn't seen it before.


So I clicked on it to see more information.


Oh, a search engine.


Cool.


Sometimes people just google "Princess of Sarcasm" or sometimes "awesomeness" to find my blog. (Ok...I made that last part up.)


This is a screen shot.

OMG!!!! Are you laughing as hard as I am?!?!

No More Turkey Necks

Here's another Texas post that I never got around to doing before Christmas. And this one involves a VIDEO!!

That's right boys and girls....I'm going all Martin Scorsaysee Scorsee Skorsessy James Cameron on you!

Or...more accurately....I took a video on my crappy, tiny little camera cuz it was all I had at the time.

HOWEVER, I now have this little gem to carry around.

Thank you Prince!! *smooches™

Okay, back to the story....

When the prince and I went to Texas, we went to his buddy's wedding. 

There were lots of photo ops at all the wedding festivities. 

Like, seriously....before Facebook, I don't think people took nearly the amount of pictures they do now. 

I'm pretty sure I was photo'ed and tagged more times than Pamela Anderson. 

Wait....did that come out right?

ANYWAY.....(that was for you MIITB )

There was much debate on how to pose for pictures. 

It became quite the hot topic. 

And because I love all both of my blog readers.....I present you with the following tutorial. Starring Snake and his held at gunpoint willing assistant, Newly Single Guy. (That's right ladies. He's back on the market. Clear your datebooks. Cuz I will be happy to pimp him out.)

On a side note, Newly Single Guy has some AWESOME dance moves that I will get on video the next time we go to Texas. 

The prince and I have been laughing about "the lawnmower" and the "grocery shopper" ever since we've been back home. 

It. Is. Classic. 

Look for it in July 2010.

But for now....here is the photo tutorial for your viewing pleasure.

Santa's HoHoHo

Sadly, I had lots of blog ideas to post about before Christmas. Getting around to them all was mission impossible! I haven't even finished blogging about my trip to Texas yet! 


So I am going to try to catch you up to speed with the voices thoughts swirling around in my head before I forget them all. Though I'm sure "the funny" has somewhat evaporated...sorry ya'll. I do my best with what I have considering the big fat paycheck I get for blogging. 


*crickets chirping*


A few hours days weeks before Christmas, when I was shopping for my kids presentsclasspartiesteacher'sgiftsstockingstuffers at a certain addiction favorite store of mine that may or may not have a red circle incorporated in their sign...I saw the most ridiculous outfit I have seen in a long time.....and, people.........I go to WalMart at least every other week!


Let me set up the scene. 


I'm there with my basket full of candy, wrapping paper, video games, alergy medication, toothpaste, penguin pajamas, and remote control helicopter when I see her......


It's 40 something degrees and windy outside. 


She's in her late 30's or early 40's. 


She's wearing black booty shorts and black Reeboks....the old school kind. 


She has on red and white striped socks....not the cute knee high kind....but the ugly mid-calf kind.....that are intended to be worn under the cover of long pants. 


I see her bare legs from there up to her you-know-where. 


Now don't get me wrong. Her legs aren't bad....by middle aged measures, but not necessarily the ones you should see "out and about" in the winter time....or at Target. 


She has thick, long, wavy blonde hair. Sitting perched up on top of her head was a Santa hat with a looooong tail....ALL THE WAY TO HER tail. 


I. Am. Dying.


My mind is scrambling....trying to think of how I can get a picture of her for you guys. I am on a mission to get proof.


I was so excited when I rounded the corner of the boys clothing section and ran in to one of my neighbors. I described Mrs. Claus to her and enlisted her help. 


So picture this....two crazy ladies trying to stroll inconspicuously around the store looking for a crazy lady in a Santa hat. 


She was pretty easy to find again....I just followed the whispering people and knew Santa's HoHoHo was close by.


There she was....in the bedding department. 


Ironic.


I duck out of sight and turn my camera phone on. 


I quickly hatch a plan to act like I am texting while I take a picture of her. 


Brilliant, right?


I'm thinking it might take a few times to get the pic, but I'll keep trying until I get the right one. As I walk towards her I hit the button to take the picture.

*KA-CHINK*

CRAP!!! I forgot to turn the sound off!!!!!


Auuuuugggghhhhhhh!!! 


There is NO WAY she didn't hear it. And there is NO WAY she's blonde enough to not know what I was trying to do!! 


I flee the scene while trying to fake a puzzled look as to why my camera phone went off. 


I ran into my friend right afterwards and we both split up looking for her again. 


I spotted Santa Baby running out of the store. 


Not kidding...running in her Reeboks. 


I think she got a little freaked out by the princess and her little pink smartphone. *wink wink 


I'm pretty sure she alerted security. So I quickly paid for my goods and got out of the store before they ripped my heart out banned me.


I will post the one picture I managed to get of her.

She's on the other side of that cart. Next time I think I'll just take video....

Amber Alert! Supah's blog has been hijacked!

Chief from Hiding from the Kids broke into Supah's 

house and left her a little message. 

It's supah funny. 

But don't take my word for it. Go see for yo self....

CLICK HERE!!! 

Post Holiday Stickies

If you want to do your own post it notes.....

Santa was here!

BUSTED!!!

I can't wait until my kids get up and see this.

Merry Christmas everyone! 

Hope Santa had just what you wanted in his red bag!

Christmas Caroles...or something like it.

This is my very favorite Christmas song of all time. I hope it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside....but it will most likely just make you laugh. 

Of course, when I was a teenager, this was my favorite Christmas song.....

And no, George....you weren't fooling anyone by putting all those women in your video......ok....well maybe you WERE fooling ME....but you're not the first or last gay guy I've had a crush on!

And if this next one doesn't put you in the Christmas spirit...you just need to go back to bed!!!!

Merry Christmas Ya'll!!!!

Post It Note Christmas Edition

Go here to learn how to do your own...

The power of our peeps...

Woo Hoo Ya'll!!!

We did it!!!!

Ebay reversed charges!!!!

They sent Supah a page long apology admiting to what cold, heartless corporate grinches they were  nothing to explain. 


But it doesn't matter!! Because Jaden's family will get all the money raised!

AND......

www.toothsoap.com 

...heard about this fiasco and sent a $1000 donation to the family!!! 

If that's not God working, I don't know what is!


Thank you to all my blog and real life friends who helped us email ebay and news peeps and for tweeting to get the word out!


Now here's your next mission.....

FIND A CURE FOR CANCER

I think we can do this! We are unstoppable!!!


While you're working on that....pray for Jaden. 


He has a fever and had to be rushed back to the hospital. 


His family is desperate to have him home for Christmas. 


Pray like you never have before. 


No little boy should have to spend Christmas in the hospital......

Again THANKS SO MUCH!!! 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

911 Emergency! We need your help!!

I don't usually do a Saturday post....okay...I'm pretty sure I've never done a Saturday post. 


But this one is necessary.  Just look at this angel's face....








I know you are all probably aware of Jaden and the awesome auction Supah organized to help his family. I told you that Ebay had graciously waived their fees so that little Jaden would receive 100% of your donation (minus S&H.) 


Well guess what....I think Ebay underestimated Supah's resourcefulness. 


They probably didn't expect that she would get huge names behind her...like SHANNON TWEED...who donated a ton of big money making items including tickets and back stage passes to a KISS concert. 


The auction raised around $4,000!!


Awesome, right?


Hold yer horses....Ebay now wants their cut.


After countless run arounds conversations with Ebay representatives...they now only want to waive $50 of the $453.70 in usual fees they would receive. 


THIEVES!


Are you looking for a way to do something charitable for the holidays but you don't have a lot of resources? Are you tired of big corporations taking advantage of people and giving them a hard time until they just give up? YOU CAN HELP!!


Click here to find out how. It's simple. Please help. There are many ways to do so.


Imagine if this was your family Ebay was robbing....


Ebay obviously does not know who they are dealing with. Supah is not some "little lady" who will give up. 


Sarah Palin's pitbull with lipstick persona would get her rump kicked by Supah in one of those Ultimate Fighting thingies. 


They have unleashed a monster....and she carries a mean cookie tray. CEO's are no match for SupahMOMs (and Dads and Friends!) Especially when we band together....


CLICK HERE FOR WAYS TO HELP 

Nightmare in Santa Land.....

Brilliant as I am, I decide to take the kids to the mall to see Santa last night...(a Thursday night in case you're not reading this on Friday. Cuz I would NEVER take my kids to try to see Santa on the weekend. THAT would be just nuts!!!)

 I'm thinking its a good idea since all the good parents are at home with their children doing homework, getting baths and tucking their children into bed at a decent hour. 

But we've already established that I'm not a good parent...right? ☜ Click there if you need further proof. (Is it wrong that I still laugh at those videos?)

The prince was out of town hunting with his new BFF who saved him from having to go to Delaware for work. Seems like they concocted some story about a group hunting trip with all kinds of big wigs, movers and shakers, and CEO's of companies that the prince's boss is drooling over. 

The prince is just drooling over getting to call this work....

So since the prince is not what one would call a "steward of patience"...I decided to go ahead and take the boys to see Santa without him....that and I'm not sure how long the heirs can pull off this "good boy" act they've been failing at working on.

So we head to the mall just before 5 o'clock. 

I'm thinking the stay-at-home-moms are rushing back from the mall to Little Caesars home to cook dinner and the working mom's are still on their way home from work. 

Perfect. 

I'm so brilliant. 

My plan is working as I round the corner coming out of Macy's. 

What do I see? 

A tiny little line!!! 

Sa-Weet!! 

I feel like I've cracked Davinci's code...

....until I find out they've closed the line and Santa is about to take a one hour break!!! 

Whaaaaa?!?! A break?! 

You take a break from December 26 until sometime around Halloween Thanksgiving!!!!!  

And it's not like you are doing anything!!! 

You are sitting your big fat....ummm....patootie...in a big comfy chair!!! 

Seriously Santa...a break?! Really? 

It's enough to make a person want to become Jewish.

And the guy at the kiosk beside "Santa's House" with the #!@* remote control helicopters....thanks for adding something else to my kids lists when I have no more school days to shop. 

Not cool, dude. Not cool. 

On a positive note...thanks to my smart phone, I've written my entire blog post while standing in line....though the typing on this thing is waaaay slower than my laptop.... (Grrrrrrr.) But at least it helped me kill some time. 

I guess I'll just play bubble breaker now....till my battery gives out....




Here is a Santa pic my friend sent me....bless their sweet little hearts...

PROcrastinator

I know. I know. I am doing an awful job at posting blogs this week. 


But in my defense, I am room mom for both of my boys and we have parties this week. 

OK....that's not the full story. 

I am also a PROcrastinator....as opposed to an AMATEURcrastinator. 

But in my defense, I have actually been using my time semi wisely this week and have gotten most all my Christmas shopping done.


Those of you who know me in real life STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES AND NODDING YOUR HEADS!!!


I'm just dropping in to do a quick post on something I've seen this week that is REALLY funny. 

First, my friend Serena sent it to me in an e-mail. 

I LMAO...which was handy since I've been eating a lot of sweet treats this week. (Thanks Serena.)


Here it is....


CLICK ME!! CLICK ME!! 


Then, my virtual friend BRYCE DONOVAN put it on his blog. I LMAO'd again...cuz it's that funny. BD also wrote a funny column this week....as opposed to most weeks.


Click here to read Bryce's funny column.  


Scroll back through his others to read the non-funny ones.


I kid! I kid! I think most all of Bryce's stuff is good for HaHa's....or better yet, lining your hamster cages.

Amberella the Bombdiggity...yes, that is now her official title.

Look at my new digs!!!!

My friend Amber from Amber's Life made me a new header! 

AND she gave me a tiara and pink boa!!

*beaming from ear to ear*

It wouldn't fit on my original blog format, so I changed it to another template. 

I love my new pink palace!!!

Wait....that sounds like a strip club.....

I love my new pink castle!!!!

Again, strip club.....

You get the drift though, right?

Amber was so nice to do this for me. I'm guessing it was her nice way of saying "Your blog looks like a dungeon...let's spruce it up." 

Ironically, Supah said the same exact thing to me....over and over...and over...except she left out the nice....

Ya'll go check out Amber's Life....

And after you do that, go support my soon-to-be hottie friends in their battle of the bulge. 

They are going to rock their brazillian bikinis when we go on our trip next summer!! Right girls?

Five People I'd like to swing a golf club at.....FORE!!

Five people I'd like to swing a golf club at.....this is the challenge issued by SupahMommy ....which was totally MY idea...even though she gave Chief the initial credit. 


But never fear, I spent 30 minutes searching through a gazillion emails until I found the proof...and sent it to her.....not that it really matters who gets the credit. 

*Ahem*

AnyHOOO....here's my list: 



5. The makers of Chocolate Chip Poptarts...aka Princess's Cracktarts.

I wish I had never put one in my mouth....ever.


I love, love, love chocolate chip poptarts. I had to quit buying them altogether. 


My poor youngest heir loves them too.....but he has to make due with chocolate fudge, s'mores, chocolate chip cookie dough....none of which I am tempted by. 


On another note...is there any difference between serving poptarts or a Hershey bar for breakfast?


I'm thinking probably not....




4. The Crap(py) Blog Detective. 

I will not post a link to this dipwad's blog, nor will I scarf a pic of him and draw devil horns on it. 


I beg of you not to go try to find his blog and up his viewership stats at all. 


He is a miserable little man who surfs blogs and writes unfounded, stupid, irrelevant, and rude comments. 


My opinion of him (and yes, this is my professional therapist opinion) is that he is a lonely, loveless, miserable, loser prick. 


I think he has a stupid (crap) blog where his only visitors are people who he said ugly things to and they find his blog and defend themselves  call him names  cuss him out comment back. 


There are some other words I have for him, but I'm bored talking about him already.




3.  Politicians....every single last one of them....the ones I voted for and the ones I didn't vote for. 


They are all letting us down. 


Surely this is not the way George Washington was.....or was it? 


I don't feel that there is one single politician who is truly working "for the people." 


They do, however, work for their own agenda.

2. Spencer Pratt....I really feel like this one needs NO explanation. 


If it does...wiki/google him. I'm sure there's enough said about him on the interwebz to prove my selection is a worthy one.

1. Tiger Woods himself. Again....no explanation needed...unless you live under a rock.

It's Not a Party 'til Somebody Cries

Our youngest heir has the dreaded "Christmas birthday." We always try to make sure he doesn't get short changed....which means we tend to go overboard. Ever since he was 3 years old, he has been begging for a dirt bike.



Me: "Psshhhh....you can't get a dirt bike when you don't even know how to ride a bike without training wheels!"


Heir, the younger: "Why?"


Me: "Cuz dirt bikes don't have training wheels!!"


The little heir didn't give up his dream. In fact, he learned to ride his bike without training wheels when he was 4. 


Heir: *rides bike up street*

Me: *screams, yells, claps, like  a complete idiot proud mama*


Heir: "Yay! Can we go get my dirt bike now?"


Me: "Huh? NO! I didn't say you could have a dirt bike when you learned to ride your bike. I said you couldn't have a dirt bike if you can't even ride without training wheels!"

*insert crushed look on his sweet little angelic face*

It's been over 2 years and the little heir has not given up his dream. The prince finally wore me down talked me in to letting him have one for his birthday this year.


When my little man turned the corner of the garage and saw his little red Honda sitting in the driveway, he was speechless. He just stood there frozen looking at it. It took several minutes for him to realize it was not a dream. We were all very excited. There's no better feeling than making your kids' fantasies come true.

After getting suited up complete with helmet, boots, knee pads, elbow pads and 40 yards of bubble wrap, little heir was ready to give it a try! 

Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned....unless the menu was a slight wreck with a side of tears....yeah, not quite the magical experience I was looking for...

Disclaimer: Now before you judge me for not running over there to check on him like the prince....let me tell you that this boy cries at EVERYTHING from a gash in his forehead to a hangnail. So I've learned to wait until I see blood until I react. Otherwise, the hysteria is worse.


We probably should have spent a little more time working on how to use the brakes.......

*insert little boy crying and saying he does NOT want to get on the dirt bike again*

Prince & Princess: "You're fine. Take a deep breath. I don't see anything in your eye. Quit crying. Calm down. No, your eye is fine. Stop crying. You need to get back on and try again. It's okay. We told you that you would fall some. You're wearing all kinds of safety gear. You're not hurt. Suck it up! Stop crying. Dry it up and get back on that bike!!!


Heir: "But my eye is really hurtinggggggg!!!"


Prince & Princess: "You're fine! Get back on that bike. Do you want us to take it back and get you some legos?!"

*insert hesitation before he answers*

Heir: "No, I want my dirt bike." (said in quiet, unsure voice)


Prince & Princess: "Well then you better get back on it right now!!"


This went on for quite a while.


When we were out looking at dirt bikes and making decisions, we had big dreams. He was going to get on the bike and ride all over the yard smiling from ear to ear while I took pictures and video of his glorious moment. 


He ended up riding it a tiny bit more before we left for dinner, but only under protest. 

Later, at dinner, I noticed his eye was a little red and starting to get puffy. GREAT! Just my luck! He's going to get a shiner!!!! 


I was so relieved when he woke up without a black eye, but I am sure his 6th birthday will be a topic he will discuss in his future therapy sessions when he blames stuff on me......I just hope he remembers his daddy was there too!


Tune in next year when parents of the year we get him a death machine four wheeler with a new accident and dismemberment insurance policy racing helmet for his 7th birthday....