Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Santa's HoHoHo

Sadly, I had lots of blog ideas to post about before Christmas. Getting around to them all was mission impossible! I haven't even finished blogging about my trip to Texas yet! 

So I am going to try to catch you up to speed with the voices thoughts swirling around in my head before I forget them all. Though I'm sure "the funny" has somewhat evaporated...sorry ya'll. I do my best with what I have considering the big fat paycheck I get for blogging. 

*crickets chirping*

A few hours days weeks before Christmas, when I was shopping for my kids presentsclasspartiesteacher'sgiftsstockingstuffers at a certain addiction favorite store of mine that may or may not have a red circle incorporated in their sign...I saw the most ridiculous outfit I have seen in a long time.....and, people.........I go to WalMart at least every other week!

Let me set up the scene. 

I'm there with my basket full of candy, wrapping paper, video games, alergy medication, toothpaste, penguin pajamas, and remote control helicopter when I see her......

It's 40 something degrees and windy outside. 

She's in her late 30's or early 40's. 

She's wearing black booty shorts and black Reeboks....the old school kind. 

She has on red and white striped socks....not the cute knee high kind....but the ugly mid-calf kind.....that are intended to be worn under the cover of long pants. 

I see her bare legs from there up to her you-know-where. 

Now don't get me wrong. Her legs aren't middle aged measures, but not necessarily the ones you should see "out and about" in the winter time....or at Target. 

She has thick, long, wavy blonde hair. Sitting perched up on top of her head was a Santa hat with a looooong tail....ALL THE WAY TO HER tail. 

I. Am. Dying.

My mind is scrambling....trying to think of how I can get a picture of her for you guys. I am on a mission to get proof.

I was so excited when I rounded the corner of the boys clothing section and ran in to one of my neighbors. I described Mrs. Claus to her and enlisted her help. 

So picture this....two crazy ladies trying to stroll inconspicuously around the store looking for a crazy lady in a Santa hat. 

She was pretty easy to find again....I just followed the whispering people and knew Santa's HoHoHo was close by.

There she the bedding department. 


I duck out of sight and turn my camera phone on. 

I quickly hatch a plan to act like I am texting while I take a picture of her. 

Brilliant, right?

I'm thinking it might take a few times to get the pic, but I'll keep trying until I get the right one. As I walk towards her I hit the button to take the picture.


CRAP!!! I forgot to turn the sound off!!!!!


There is NO WAY she didn't hear it. And there is NO WAY she's blonde enough to not know what I was trying to do!! 

I flee the scene while trying to fake a puzzled look as to why my camera phone went off. 

I ran into my friend right afterwards and we both split up looking for her again. 

I spotted Santa Baby running out of the store. 

Not kidding...running in her Reeboks. 

I think she got a little freaked out by the princess and her little pink smartphone. *wink wink 

I'm pretty sure she alerted security. So I quickly paid for my goods and got out of the store before they ripped my heart out banned me.

I will post the one picture I managed to get of her.

She's on the other side of that cart. Next time I think I'll just take video....


Amber said...

OMG I so wish you had gotten a pic of that! But that is just too funny!

Mommy is in the Bathroom said...

i swear to gawd u are the biggest set up blogger tease ever. first Eva and now this.... sigh

She'll probably show up on people of walmart. I'll keep an eye out

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am LMAO! I can just picture you doing that!! LOL!!

Evonne said...

I wish you would have been able to get a decent picture of her. I bet she thought she was Ms. All That Christmas Spirit, too. People never cease to amaze me!

Shell said...

OMG, I so wish you'd gotten a better pic. It could have been your Christmas card for next year. We all could have had a blast helping you find the right message for that card.

Poolside with the Girls said...

Where are the fashion police when you need them???

I love that store too. It's magical. I go there for *one* thing and I empty my bank account out every time.

Kmama said...

Bwahahaha. I love that you didn't actually capture the pic of her. Classic! (ha ha ha, another favorite word from my movie of choice lately).

I did something similar back in November when we were out for our anniversary dinner. Except the restaurant was dark and I forgot to turn my flash off. DOH! Jdaddy was mortified, and no, the damn pic didn't even turn out. LOL

The Manic Mommy said...

DamN! I really wanted to see her! Nice pic skills - haha! That story is hilarious! I saw a girl like that during the HOliday Season at Walmart but she had s short skirt, furry boots, and a Beater shirt! What are they thinking?? Ugh.

The Manic Mommy said...

DamN! I really wanted to see her! Nice pic skills - haha! That story is hilarious! I saw a girl like that during the HOliday Season at Walmart but she had s short skirt, furry boots, and a Beater shirt! What are they thinking?? Ugh.

Tracie said...

So unfair of you teasing us like that! But I will forgive you because the description of that woman was so funny you couldn't not share it with us. Who dresses like that!?!?!

Mae Rae said...

Well, at least now I have a name and email address to give to the police. After running from the store and crying in my car, I called the police and told them I was being stalked by a freak in target. I know my beauty is stunning but what can I do, I need to share it with the world.

BTW, those socks were not cheap you know!

Heather @ Two Little Monkeys said...

LMAO!! I would've loved to seen a picture of her.

Working Mommy said...

This is totally something I would have doubt! Too bad you only have the picture in your head to get you through :(


Chief said...

I think you might get put in the pokie for taking pictures of peoples shopping carts without their permission

kys said...

I have seen some crazies at WalMart that I've wanted to take pics of. I'm too skairt I'll get caught to try.

You are a very brave blogger, my friend.

Big Mama said...

Too bad you couldn't get the pic! Priceless post! I laughed my post partum butt off! I needed that! Thanks!
Love, A new follower!

SupahMommy said...

I think I had that cart one Time I was at the tar get.

yeah pretty sure.

i can't believe it clicked out loud.

only you.
and me.
and probably half the commenters at least..

would do that.

ex oh ex oh

Jessica Jones said...

Which is worse...not turning the sound off on your camera during a secret mission or commenting on the wrong post??? FAIL

I am PISSED at you! I may NEVER EVER EVER read your blog AGAIN! How could you build that up and just let me down disappointed...I feel like my date to let down

ok just kidding

I am let down however I will return JUST IN CASE you find her again...and since you apparently frequent the Walmart more then me you have a better chance of finding another AWESOME picture

i hope you have learned your lesson

Sabrina said...

I will never be completely at peace ever again...I will spend the rest of my life feeling that slight ache that comes with having missed out on a fabulous opportunity...and all because you can't be counted on to get the shot...and then you TAUNT us with the story.

I may stop reading your blog :(

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