So I am going to try to catch you up to speed with the voices thoughts swirling around in my head before I forget them all. Though I'm sure "the funny" has somewhat evaporated...sorry ya'll. I do my best with what I have considering the big fat paycheck I get for blogging.
A few hours days weeks before Christmas, when I was shopping for my kids presentsclasspartiesteacher'sgiftsstockingstuffers at a certain addiction favorite store of mine that may or may not have a red circle incorporated in their sign...I saw the most ridiculous outfit I have seen in a long time.....and, people.........I go to WalMart at least every other week!
Let me set up the scene.
I'm there with my basket full of candy, wrapping paper, video games, alergy medication, toothpaste, penguin pajamas, and remote control helicopter when I see her......
It's 40 something degrees and windy outside.
She's in her late 30's or early 40's.
She's wearing black booty shorts and black Reeboks....the old school kind.
She has on red and white striped socks....not the cute knee high kind....but the ugly mid-calf kind.....that are intended to be worn under the cover of long pants.
I see her bare legs from there up to her you-know-where.
Now don't get me wrong. Her legs aren't bad....by middle aged measures, but not necessarily the ones you should see "out and about" in the winter time....or at Target.
She has thick, long, wavy blonde hair. Sitting perched up on top of her head was a Santa hat with a looooong tail....ALL THE WAY TO HER tail.
I. Am. Dying.
My mind is scrambling....trying to think of how I can get a picture of her for you guys. I am on a mission to get proof.
I was so excited when I rounded the corner of the boys clothing section and ran in to one of my neighbors. I described Mrs. Claus to her and enlisted her help.
So picture this....two crazy ladies trying to stroll inconspicuously around the store looking for a crazy lady in a Santa hat.
She was pretty easy to find again....I just followed the whispering people and knew Santa's HoHoHo was close by.
There she was....in the bedding department.
I duck out of sight and turn my camera phone on.
I quickly hatch a plan to act like I am texting while I take a picture of her.
I'm thinking it might take a few times to get the pic, but I'll keep trying until I get the right one. As I walk towards her I hit the button to take the picture.
CRAP!!! I forgot to turn the sound off!!!!!
There is NO WAY she didn't hear it. And there is NO WAY she's blonde enough to not know what I was trying to do!!
I flee the scene while trying to fake a puzzled look as to why my camera phone went off.
I ran into my friend right afterwards and we both split up looking for her again.
I spotted Santa Baby running out of the store.
Not kidding...running in her Reeboks.
I think she got a little freaked out by the princess and her little pink smartphone. *wink wink
I'm pretty sure she alerted security. So I quickly paid for my goods and got out of the store before they ripped my heart out banned me.
I will post the one picture I managed to get of her.
She's on the other side of that cart. Next time I think I'll just take video....