Monday, March 22, 2010

Give him a tylenol and send him on....

My youngest heir was home from school the other day. Nothing serious...so no need to send flowers but feel free to bring me dinner. He ran a little fever the night before and woke up fine, but I was afraid he'd develop some horrible, awful symptoms that might include something in the  "projectile" family while at school. So I kept him home for observation. 
Mistake.
He was fine. 
Which meant he wanted me to play with him. 
All. Day. Long. 
And I had lots of internet shopping things to do around the house.
(Maybe I should have kept his brother out of school too...you know...for entertainment just in case.)
I was fine with building legos, playing the Wii, and kicking his booty in Uno. <---total lie. He won everytime. *insert bad sport face*
But when he plopped down with a stack of books, I started praying school would let out soon so my oldest heir would be home.
Now don't go looking at me like I'm a bad mom. I used to read to him a lot. And now, he reads to me most of the time. He's quite a good little reader. But he pulled out the "I'm sick" card and insisted I read to him instead this time. Which, again, would normally be fine except for one thing.....they had just had Dr. Seuss week at school....which meant he had found all the books I had hidden a renewed love for the kooky doctor.
Oh dear Lord....


I am quite aware that Dr. Seuss was a literary genius. I, too, was a huge fan of his work when I was a kid. My very favorite book was Green Eggs and Ham. And the artwork was very clever as well. Dr. Seuss was strung out on some heavy duty psychedelic drugs certainly had an amazing imagination. 
However, I HATE, HATE, HATE reading his books as an adult. They are so long and wordy and make absolutely no sense....which makes them all the much harder to read. And that story about Oobleck.....I swear it took an hour to finish reading it. Probably because of all the extra words I threw in which made me have to go back and re-read the sentence...you know...since Dr. Seuss's nonsense and my good sense (shut up) do not mix. He certainly had a language of his own....Seussbonics. 
So I have made a decision. I have decided to boycott reading Dr. Seuss out loud from now on....
I would not could not on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not read it in the rain.
I will not read it on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it with a fox.
I will not read it in a house.
I do not like it with a mouse.
I will not read it here or there.
I will not read it ANYWHERE!
Unless one of my boys gets sick and bats their big sweet eyes and long eyelashes at me......

Disclaimer: The previous poem was based loosely verbatim on Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Seuss.


23 comments:

gamommy2two said...

OMG I am right there with you. My 3 year old is OBSESSED with Horton the elephant. I have that freaking story and The Lorax MEMORIZED word for freaking word. Dr. Seuss, we love you and we hate you all at once!

Oka said...

I am the same way about Dr. Seuss and Green Eggs and Ham was my fav as a child.

Danielle said...

After reading the poem, I totally understand.

I had to re-read almost every sentence. I am still confused. LOL

Evonne said...

I hate when my daughter pulls the sick card and convinces me to let her stay home. Most times she's not that sick, too.

I love Dr. Seuss and his books. I just hate when the kids want me to read one before bed. All I want them to do is go to sleep, not wait for an hour while I struggle through Fox in Socks.

Kmama said...

I LOVE Dr. Seuss, but I hate reading his books to the kids. Way too wordy and I need a break and a drink in the middle. LOL

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

Oh The Places You'll Go ... I love that one ... but agreeably, Seuss is sort of weird.

Maven said...

I think most parents can relate!

My Seuss reading days are over ( for now ;)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I don't know why he has to make up all those words I can't pronounce.

Tracie said...

I know what you mean...I'm so glad my daughter is past that Dr. Seuss phase.

Shana said...

Man, I hear you. I read the circus magurkis or something like that to my niece the other day and I didn't think I would ever get through it.

Jenn said...

Sounds like someone needs to donate a stack of books to the nearest Goodwill or Doctor's office...I'm glad he's feeling better...or never felt bad =)

You're Suessified version of Not Reading One More Dr. Suess Book was awesome!

Adoption of Jane said...

HAHAHA loved your poem!

P.S. I thought I was the eldest Heir?

singedwingangel said...

OH I still love Dr. Suess.Although it can be rather irritating. But he did open a whole new way of teaching kids how to read that was effective

Cassie said...

I love Dr. Seuss. I hate when my boys stay home cause they're sick (or want to play Nintendo DS all day long.)

Lluvia said...

i never really liked dr seuss books as a kid. they seemed and still do too weird even for me!

Adrienne said...

My 7 year old can recite all and I mean all of One fish two fish

Lisa said...

I love Dr Suess! Send him to me I will read to him.

Meeko Fabulous said...

Oh Dr. Seuss! His books are like effing long ass tongue twisters for me too! LoL!

Shell said...

These really are long and nonsensical books.

The Blue Zoo said...

The Green Eggs and Ham book is the worst for sure! Its so damn repetitive. My kids make me read A Wocket in My Pocket. A lot. Sometimes I hide the books I dont want to read anymore..... =)

Stacey said...

OMG I so feel your pain. My 5 year old daughter (who is quite possibly going to have to repeat Kindergarten, what fun) discovered she can read Green Eggs & Ham this weekend. I'm torn between feeling proud that, Hey my kid is finally reading! and Somebody please save me from the 50th reading of this insane book!

Venassa said...

I completely understand. I loved so many of his books as a child, but now, even reading your poem, it just hurts my head.

Ed said...

Dr. Suess might be just a little too advanced of reading for you anyway.

Maybe try Dick & Jane.