Give him a tylenol and send him on....

My youngest heir was home from school the other day. Nothing serious...so no need to send flowers but feel free to bring me dinner. He ran a little fever the night before and woke up fine, but I was afraid he'd develop some horrible, awful symptoms that might include something in the  "projectile" family while at school. So I kept him home for observation. 

Mistake.

He was fine. 

Which meant he wanted me to play with him. 

All. Day. Long. 

And I had lots of internet shopping things to do around the house.

(Maybe I should have kept his brother out of school too...you know...for entertainment just in case.)

I was fine with building legos, playing the Wii, and kicking his booty in Uno. <---total lie. He won everytime. *insert bad sport face*

But when he plopped down with a stack of books, I started praying school would let out soon so my oldest heir would be home.

Now don't go looking at me like I'm a bad mom. I used to read to him a lot. And now, he reads to me most of the time. He's quite a good little reader. But he pulled out the "I'm sick" card and insisted I read to him instead this time. Which, again, would normally be fine except for one thing.....they had just had Dr. Seuss week at school....which meant he had found all the books I had hidden a renewed love for the kooky doctor.

Oh dear Lord....

I am quite aware that Dr. Seuss was a literary genius. I, too, was a huge fan of his work when I was a kid. My very favorite book was Green Eggs and Ham. And the artwork was very clever as well. Dr. Seuss was strung out on some heavy duty psychedelic drugs certainly had an amazing imagination. 

However, I HATE, HATE, HATE reading his books as an adult. They are so long and wordy and make absolutely no sense....which makes them all the much harder to read. And that story about Oobleck.....I swear it took an hour to finish reading it. Probably because of all the extra words I threw in which made me have to go back and re-read the sentence...you know...since Dr. Seuss's nonsense and my good sense (shut up) do not mix. He certainly had a language of his own....Seussbonics. 

So I have made a decision. I have decided to boycott reading Dr. Seuss out loud from now on....

I would not could not on a boat.

I will not, will not, with a goat.

I will not read it in the rain.

I will not read it on a train.

Not in the dark! Not in a tree!

Not in a car! You let me be!

I do not like it in a box.

I do not like it with a fox.

I will not read it in a house.

I do not like it with a mouse.

I will not read it here or there.

I will not read it ANYWHERE!

Unless one of my boys gets sick and bats their big sweet eyes and long eyelashes at me......

Disclaimer: The previous poem was based loosely verbatim on Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Seuss.