Friday, March 12, 2010

The Skew - Serial Killah Whales


This week the Skew is taking on a different format.  We're just going to show you our banter back and forth about a topic!  It makes for a funny post and also an EASY post as we're all swamped!  We' d love for you to chime in either on your blog or in the comments sections.  This is a great topic.

Disclaimer: I tried to read back over it and clean up their language. If I missed something, I apologize to my fellow southerners for Supah, Chief, and MITTB being heathens.


SERIAL KILLER WHALES 

CHIEF: 
So I get back from vacation and I'm telling family about my amazing whale
watching experience and my dad breaks in with a story about a whale in
captivity.

In Florida right?

Who attacked a trainer, pulled her down by the hair and drowned her.  I was
devastated because I am not a person who loves the fact that animals are
forced into captivity.  I do love sea world... but I don't love our local
zoo because they keep these animals out of the environment.

Polar bears in 100 degree heat.

Elephants in small areas

So I don't go.  Will not go.

So I hear about an animal who attacks someone while in captivity and I am
sad for the trainer and I am sad for the animals.

Then I hear that this same whale has attacked before?

And they keep him in the act?

Is that what the true story is?

 SUPAH:
Yeppers.  You heard right.  He's a "serial killer" whale. 
They cannot release him into the elements of a natural enivornment ala " the free willy whale" because his system can't sustain the introduction of the bacteria etc.. from a natural envirnoment.  He'll die. So he swims in a fish tank until he dies I guess. 
I sounded really kinda smart when I said those things up top huh?  You all want me.
CHIEF: 
Just stuck in a cage…

I understand why… it just makes me sad

Society is weird

SUPAH:
Yes.  A "water cage."  
I think they call them there .. erquariums.  

CHIEF: 
So he is not going to be in the shows?
ENTER MOMMY IS IN THE BATHROOM :
WOW what a shock??? A KILLER whale, a wild animal, that has hurt or killed two other people, SHOCKINGLY killed the trainer....

seriously... so sick of the whole, woah.. this is a such a surprise! That poor trainer. BS.. she clearly is aware of the dangers a WHALE can posess. Horrible way to go, but it's kinda in the job description of working with wild animals.. dontcha think?

A WHALE isn't a puppy. Even if the whale was as friendly as a puppy, it's still 200 #*$& tons and 30 ft long... IT WILL KILL YOU. How is this any more shocking than when some drunk frat boy jumps over the fence over tiger cage and is eaten to death?

CHIEF:
And now it is in a cage

ugh

Mommy is in the Bathroom
RIGHT?? Like it's the whales fault.......for being a whale.

and they can't release it because of all that supah marine biologist extrodainaire referred to up there. 


SUPAH
 I am imagining taking Kota the whale for a walk on a leash.  
"Kota is not a puppy. "  

I bet I could get a sponsor to make Kota  jacket.  

OMG .. I just said to DBD...Hey was that whales name Kota?

He goes. NO.  It's Shamoo. <-------- totallly serious.  


I fell over  ALL WHALES ARE NOT #$&% NAMED SHAMOO DBD!!
- Show quoted text -



 CHIEF


I think it was Shamu

Googling it




  MOMMY IS IN THE BATHROOM 



lmfao.. actually, a lot of them are or used to be i think.....

shamoo or willy... those are the only two acceptable whale names



MOMMY IS IN THE BATHROOM 


remember the mj song for Free Willy? One of my favs

carry me to the river jordan and i will then say to thee you are my frieeeeeeeennndd

Thats for you shamu, shamoo, kota, willy...

and kota is the morning host of the today show lmfao.. not a whale lol
- Show quoted text -






SUPAH:  I say let him loose.  Like King Kong..  or jaws.  
 OMG IT 'S KOTA !! RUNNNNN... OR WAIT... 
swiiiiiiiiiiiiiim for your life !



CHIEF:


Tilikum

That’s his name

Most are Shamu

Tell DBD you are sorry

Mommy is in the bathroom:

OMG THIS IS KOTA... quit calling the whale kota....

oh never mind her name is hoda......

whatever



SUPAH:   NEEEEEVER.  I SHALL NEVER tell him.   ( DBD.. THAT HE WAS CORRECT.. SLIGHTLY)  




CHIEF:




Tilikum!

Don’t you read my sh*t I send you?


SUPAH:

 hoda.... I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. 

  

MOMMY IS IN THE BATHROOM

alright well this whale has to go hop in the shower.. got a hot date with alice n wonderland tonight


SUPAH:

sweet!   jealous.  i have a hot date with some lasagna and a piece of hot a$$ garlic bread. 



SUPAH:

 How about the people at the show who " reported " to the TV news what they saw Kota do.... weren't even sad it seemed.  I would have been so horrified I woulda been huddled in the corner singing the MJ song MIITb referred to. 

Which by the way I loved.  
I sooo wanted to be that little kid.. and have willy jump over me. 

He woulda knocked me over I bet. 



CHIEF:  

TILIKUM!!!!

Break that name down into three words

LMAO!



SUPAH:

 OH MY GOD.. THE HORROR.  

til i kum. 

TERRIBLE.  


SUPAH:  



 you do know that kota .. wait... WILLY was moved out to a  coralled area in the actual bay .. soemwhere.. in hopes that he could learn to hunt etc.. but still be in a "water cage" <----chiefs coined term  
he never learned to hunt
and he withered and died 
starved
*  I'm going to red lobster for dinner .. gotta go ! 

CHIEF:
You a$$!

  ENTER PRINCESS: 

Dear Lord. I'm gone all day and this is what I come home to find? 
When did ya'll join PETA?! Next thing I know, you guys will all be demanding they ban restaurants from serving dog meat.
Let's worry about the humans before we save all the animals. What about those people they capture and force them to ride 15 at a time in a Volkswagon wearing big red floppy shoes and KISS make up?! Huh? What about THOSE poor people! And just try to release on of those clowns to the general public. Think they'd survive? I think not.

*smooches™
CHIEF:
Huh? 

 (*Chief totally missed my reference to circus clowns)

Not that I don’t feel sorry for the people

I feel sorry for them that they choose to work with wild animals that are wired to kill. 


SUPAH:
dude.. you guys. These animals are smart.  I saw the most INSANELY crazy a$$ video of these WHALES.. no joke giving a training lesson to their calfs on how to kill a seal.  

I lie you nOT. 
THe seal was stranded on an iceberg.   Ark arking away.  So sad.  
The whales FORMED A LINE and swam TOGETHER towards the iceberg creating a WAVE that would send the poor furry critter ( are seals furry? no.. they're not.. but furry SOUnds CUTER..  )  send the poor FURRY CUTE critter.. stranded on that iceberg.. ark arking.. for his life... send him sliding harrowingly towards the edge where the other whales LIE WAITING.    
They did it OVER AND OVER until he eventually was washed into the ocean... 
and I cried.  
This is what people are getting into the water with !  SMART KILLER WHALES!  Kota kILLAHS!  
Not to mention how pissed they must be to be turning tricks for sardines.  
WTF?? throw them a tuna or something.  Do you NOT see the size of the whales??? 

PRINCESS: 
YES I SAW THE SIZE OF THE WHALES!! <----every summer in Myrtle Beach



CHIEF: 
And you wouldn’t get in a pool with them would you?

PRINCESS: 

Duh. OF COURSE I WOULD!!! <-----they make me look skinny.

SUPAH:

She likes to ride the "whale" * wink . 


PRINCESS:

I'm tellin' the prince you called him fat. You will no longer be his favorite harem wife...


SUPAH:

 i was referring to his 'DORSAL FIN"




AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.  This week's SKEW.  What are YOUR thoughts on Serial Killer Whales?  


4 comments:

Oka said...

You girls crack me up!

Shana said...

I am seriously going to have to buy some depends. SIGH. I am only 32 and you guys are really testing my bladder every time I read your blogs. I love it though. I haven't been around because my computer crashed but I am back now and looking forward to more laundry...ahem.

Shrinky said...

I wanna' know what took so long in the bathroom? As for the killer whale, mehh, he was well meaning and sorely misunderstood, was only trying to liven up the act. Poor critter can't get anything right..

Sarah With Scissors said...

I freaking love you girls. You kill me... not like the whale though... and my thought on serial killer whales? Who names a kids attraction Til-i-kum? That should have been the first indication the show was doomed.