Friday, September 25, 2009

Who's the Bigger Moron in This Story?

Yes, the princess has funny friends.

But she also has stupid friends.

And I mean stupid with the utmost love and respect. I know my friend, "Peaches" is not going to be happy that Lucy is making the blog twice before she makes it once, but I promise you soon as you do something stupid, I will be here to expose you to the world!! *insert winky face*

My friend "Lucy" called me yesterday. Here's a transcript. (Yes, all my conversations are recorded now. Beware! Muahahahahaha!)

Lucy: "You are NOT going to believe the conversation I just had with this IDIOT at INDIRECTV!" (Totally a pseudonym for the real satellite company.)

Princess: Uses counselor skills. Sits quietly. Waits for continuation of story.

Lucy: "So, my receiver is acting up and gets all fuzzy and stuff (technical evaluation of the situation)....which is messing up my Tivo!"

Audible *GASP* from the castle.

Princess: "OMG! Lucy! Whatever will you do if your Tivo is not working? Did you call 911? Did you call the president? Did he issue a federal disaster and send a response team? I hope it's not FEMA."

Lucy: "I know! I'm missing all my shows!"

Princess: (In tears.) "But Lucy! It's premiere week!!! How could this happen?!"

Lucy: "Seriously! (Grey's Anatomy reference for you slow people....or the two people on the planet who don't watch it.) I called Directv the other day and they tried to get me to help them trouble shoot it. I told the tech guy that I was electronically illiterate and I would have to get my husband to call back. Not to mention, the receiver is up high and I'm too short to reach the wires and electronic thingys." (Official technical term.)

Princess: "Yeah, you'd think they'd already have  'Wife is moron. Don't try to troubleshoot with her.' in their notes....."

Lucy: "Exactly. Wait, did you just call me.....? Oh, well, my husband (we'll dub him Rip Van Winkle.....cuz the boy goes to sleep at 8:00 pm every night! Not joking.) calls the next day when I'm at work. He does all the trouble shooting stuff and they still can't get it to work. The tech said they would just have to schedule someone to come out to the house and take a look. So Rip (or should we call him Van......or Winkle....? Hmm...decisions, decisions...) tells them that I will have to call them back tomorrow and schedule something on one of my days off."

Princess: "Mmmmhmmmm." (Again, active listening skills at work.)

Lucy: "So I call them in the hopes that they can send someone out before the highly anticipated two hour Grey's Anatomy premiere."

Princess: "Naturally. And since their service center is literally two miles down the road, that should not be a problem."

Lucy: "Well the guy wants to troubleshoot with me over the phone. I tell him we've already wasted spent two waking hours of Rip's life that we'll never get back. I explain the whole story to him. He says, 'I hear you, but we still have to go through the troubleshooting exercise.' I explain again, we've already done that. He INSISTS I have to do it with him now, before he can schedule anyone to come out."

Princess: "Doesn't he see the 'Moron' notation from the time before?!"

Lucy pauses, wonders if I am making fun of her and calling her a name again, but then agrees. "I know! Right? The tech says the only thing he has on his screen is that we will call to schedule a service call."

Princess: "Don't you just love customer service these days."

Lucy: "So I have a bright idea...I tell him since nothing worked when Rip did all the troubleshooting stuff, can't he just ask me all the questions and I'll pretend to do it?"

Princess: "Brilliant!"

Lucy: Surprised that I said something nice and not sarcastic...sits stunned for a couple of minutes....slowly starts breathing again....unsure what to do...continues, "Yeah, he said 'No." So now I'm supposed to wait until Rip calls back and does it all over again! But then I will have to be the one who calls and schedules something because I'm the only one here during the day. It's a vicious cycle."

Stop the cycle of abuse InDirectv!! 

People have important TV watching to be done! friend NEEDS to see the season premiere of all her shows! And anyone who has Tivo knows that live TV is not a busy mother's friend.....


Anonymous said...

So, this is what I got from the story, your friend is an idio and (in)DirectTV sucks. So this is what I would do..

Get new friends, definitely, maybe, or just get your idiot friends to get cable?

Princess of Sarcasm said...

Get new friends? NO WAY?!!! I love her. Besides....who else would give me such great stuff to write about. She's no technological genius...but that's not really my requirement for FRIENDS!

And get cable? Yeah, cause those receivers never screw up either.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should suggest she get both... then maybe one of them would be working often enough for her to see her shows...

Princess of Sarcasm said...

OR....companies like Indirectv could just provide decent customer service and provide her with the product she's paying for....novel idea I know. But it just might work!! ;)

mel said...

Ready for the follow up from Indirectv? I called right back, got a WOMAN on the phone who actually took the time to read the call log notes in the computer and saw where Rippy troubleshooted (troubleshot, whatevah)the day before and said she would be happy to schedule an appointment for a tech to come out to fix - I am currently waiting for him as we "speak" as he will be here btwn 4 and 8 pm - which we all know means 8 pm. But I WAS able to successfully get all kiddos to bed before the start of Grey's! Still have chills.

Princess of Sarcasm said...

Wow Mel, the same thing happened to you too?! Amazing. I should put you in touch with my friend Lucy so ya'll can compare notes....

MisWesaMoves said...

I hate all over the phone customer service, especially the cable company...Why is it that I ALWAYS get the "newbie" immigrant when I call?

SupahMommy said...

LUCY!! wth are you DOING???
You took off your big glasses and jacki o scarf??? do you NOT respect the bloggin rules of incognito. the pain that princess went through to disguise you for all the world.. to make you elusive and untouchable.

i hurt for her.

LOL.. that was classic.

and omg your first snarky anon! FRAME it like a dollar bill. it's always priceless